


Love Line

by Kuroitora_chan, Meowtwo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Comedy, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, Fluff and Smut, Gay Panic, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Phone Sex, Role Playing, Romantic Comedy, Sexual Tension, Smut, Tags May Change, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:01:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 54,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroitora_chan/pseuds/Kuroitora_chan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meowtwo/pseuds/Meowtwo
Summary: One day Karkat Vantas Is posed with a challenge he can't overcome.A male client calls the telesex department of his company and he will not sweet-talk a stranger into climaxing over the phone.Sooooooooo the company decides to hire someone to do just that.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 29
Kudos: 59
Collections: hs fanfic recommendations





	1. Hello?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! We know Dave's red isn't this one. But we thought it would be easier on the eyes and also there will be Pesterlogs comming so it also helps at understanding when they're talking and when they're texting.

Karkat couldn’t stand to work in this company anymore. It was bad enough having to play pretend to amuse a bunch of little snot nosed toddlers whose parents were too busy to amuse them. He thought playing the company mascot would have been easier, but he almost got fired a bunch of times for his inability to control his explosive temper.

Apparently, telling an abusive little asshole that he was an abortion gone rogue was where his supervisor would draw the line.

He does have to say that he learned a bunch of new ways of cursing because of his line of work. He was pleasantly surprised when calling one of his old friends an _ugly cracked piece of forgotten, maggot chewed, play-doh_ actually paid off.

This kind of creative cursing can’t be seen just anywhere, and he is proud of himself.

Obviously, in the three months that Karkat has been employed, he has met people. The first week was a tour over the floor to help him know where to find the essentials: the bathroom, the people from accountancy and human resources, the fridge and the blessed coffee machine.

But since they were going to take him on a tour, they made it count, so Karkat also ended up introduced to the other sectors.

Some were exactly what one would come to expect of a telemarketing company. A bunch of college students looking like their souls had been drained by their urethras while enduring annoying clients complaining about products they've never seen. Or, the best case scenario, being annoying sellers to people who didn't want what they had to offer.

Then, there was the part of services.

The service, to be more precise.

A bunch of women, ranging in age from 20's to 50's, all doing sweet voices over the phone.

Telesex.

He had heard of it before, he just never imagined that this is what it would look like.

It looked normal, except that the things those people were whispering over the phone might as well have been the descriptions of the dirty scenes of his lewdest romance novel.

He couldn't stand to stay there. It made him uncomfortable. How could those people be okay with that kind of work? How was it any better than prostitution?

He waved at them in acknowledgement with a forced, polite smile and moved on.

Now, he was overcome with the desire to throw a stone in his supervisor's dumb head. 

A man had called the telesex line wanting to contact another man, and since they had no other man, they asked him to perform the dirty work.

“I AM NOT DOING THAT” he stated with finality.

“Wouldn’t you do it if it was a girl?” his supervisor asked.

“NO! I’M NOT PAID TO DO THAT!”

“Please, Karkat, we don’t have anyone else that can do it,” one of the girls asked.

“HE’S THE SUPERVISOR. HE SHOULD DO IT.”

“Why are you yelling?”

“BECAUSE THIS IS ABSURD! YOU’RE PUSHING YOUR WORK TO ME! I’M *NOT* DOING IT.”

“All that because you have to pretend to be gay?” his supervisor teased.

Karkat stopped dead in his tracks, turned around with a scowl and faced his supervisor with the greatest face of disgust he could before barking an answer.

“I *am* gay. I’m not doing that. If you have a problem with that you can take it up to HR” which was his polite way of telling his supervisor to go find a pile of burning shit and sit in it.

One month later, Karkat got called over to HR. He arrived casually, thinking that maybe his payment would be delayed because of some bank problem. He didn't expect to find a room full of dudes, his supervisor and the girl that did his interview.

"Are you ready?"

"For what?"

"Don't be silly. You know what for."

She said it jokingly, but the condescending tone was enough to start grating his nerves already. He insisted, annoyed and pissed.

"No. I don't. I don't know shit. What the fuck is happening?"

"He really didn't tell you?" She asked, now worried. Karkat felt a little bad for his attitude.

Then, Karkat's supervisor rose from his chair to make the announcement to the contestants in the room.

"This is Lydia. This is Karkat. As you may know, this job is one that has experienced incredible growth, lately. Not only there has been an increase in the number of girls that have been making calls, but also men that were looking forward to talking to other men.

The test is simple. They will judge your dirty talk skills. You," he pointed "on the other hand, have to try your best to give them your most sexy, most seductive dirty talk."

Karkat walks out of the room. He isn't paid enough to endure that sort of abuse. He never agreed to that. He never even got informed that they were trying to hire someone to do the work he blatantly turned down.

His supervisor could go choke on a dick for all he cared.

A hand stopped his stomping down the hall.

"Karkat, we need your help." Lydia said.

"He is the supervisor. He can fucking do it himself. None of you need my help and I'm not hired to hire any-fucking-one."

"But-"

She was going to say something, and he could see she was struggling to put it into words, but Karkat's fuse already didn't exist. It got eaten away.

"OUT WITH IT ALREADY. HOLY HELL!"

"You're the only one with the profile of an actual client! He 's straight."

His jaw hurt with antipathy.

"Except I'm not a client. You want the help of a client? CALL A FUCKING CLIENT AND STOP HARRARASING ME. I'M NOT EVEN FROM THIS GODDAMN FUCKING DEPARTMENT."

"But you're the only one that can help with it now!"

"If you two decided to organize a shit show, you two can go and run it, cause I'm not going to be your clown."

"Do you think this is a joke?"

"You two definitely make it look like it."

"I thought you were more proactive when I hired you."

"Sounds like we fooled each other then, cause I was under the impression you were more organized, less gullible and more empathetic, cause he's playing you like a saxophone and you're too caught up in your own shit to realize that I'm absolutely uncomfortable with the whole fucking thing."

Lydia starts to look down, despair evident in her glassy eyes. 

Karkat felt a twinge of sympathy. 

Lydia wasn't a bad person, but Karkat wanted his private moments to stay as such, and if he started those interviews he knew he would expose himself way more than anybody would ever want to know.

Or worse. He would start to like the person on the other end, and have his heart stepped on. He couldn't willingly put himself in harm's way like that.

No matter how empathetic he was, his sense of self preservation was stronger.

"Go back there and tell that shithead to help you" he told her, as his last piece of advice.

As he walked away, the pity that he felt for her got stronger, and his anger at his supervisor just rose. The more he thought about it, the more his actions seemed worthy of an actual complaint.

Maybe he should pay HR a visit. Did they even know that this recruitment exam was happening? Because they certainly should.

He shook it off. He needed to max his quota before thinking about any problems he might or might not be able to solve.

The week after the incident goes around without much going on, but when Monday rolls around, Karkat gets introduced to a blond, white guy wearing shades.

He's probably doing the same tour that he did when he got hired. Getting introduced to HR, accountancy, the bathroom, the coffee machine and some Joes he's going to forget the name in two seconds.

Who could remember 30 names in a day? Karkat could barely remember what he ate for breakfast.

"Sup. Name 's Dave" the guy said.

Before Karkat could put a word in, his supervisor spoke.

"This asshole with resting bitch-face syndrome is Karkat. He's the company mascot, ironically."

Still with his high-pitched mascot voice, Karkat chimed in.

"I don't need your help to introduce myself, asshole. Hi! I'm McAnn! The mascot of the McAnn company! But the unfortunate asshole that does my voice is called Karkat."

"Holy fuck. How do you do that? How do you keep that face while making that voice? I could put a ventriloquist doll on your hand and nobody would suspect jack shit. Hah."

Dave didn't seem like he could get enough of Karkat's skills, and he couldn't help but notice that, when Dave smiled, dimples showed up on his cheeks.

Even if he dressed and posed like a douche, Karkat had to admit that the guy was, objectively speaking, good looking. Proportional body. Clean clothes. Symmetrical face.

To top it off, he had a cute, shy smile with charming dimples and the same stupid humor Karkat had.

For all the time he had spent being employed at the company, Karkat didn't have that many friends, and this was the best chance he had had in awhile.

He decided to do something he hadn't been practicing. With some luck, it would still sound decent.

Karkat dropped his voice as low as it could go.

“Far over the misty mountains cold-”

It doesn’t matter if you think you are straight. No one is straight close to a guy that can drop his voice that low and sing Misty Mountains. Dave gave a breathy laugh and started feeling his face grow warmer by the second. It was incredible how one guy could have that big a vocal range.

Karkat’s supervisor looked at him slack-jawed.

“What the fuck, dude,” Dave interjected, messing with his fringe and looking generally akward “are you trying to drag me by the hair to the gay side of the force or something?”

…

Wait.

Hold the phone.

Karkat gives his supervisor an incredulous look, while pointing at Dave.

“Lydia did his interview.” he clarifies.

Karkat throws his hands to the side, asking a _and what about it?_ with his posture. His answer is a shrug, which might as well qualify as no answer at all.

* * *

Dave really needs the money. Therefore, here he is. Squeezed in a tiny ass room with shitty desks that look like they were brought out of those weird generic classroom scenarios surrounded by fourteen other dudes that wanna try their luck at telemarketing. What a trooper. 

The interviewer slash boss looks like a snotty generic character in a very gross fishy way… not great. Standing beside him there’s also the only woman in the room which incredibly resembles the embodiment of pudding in a short body with rainbow colored sprinkles on, she might be a nice person but standing next to the goop that is _hopefully_ his future boss decreases a few points in her mental judgment and therefore he will still keep his cool persona to himself. Striders rules and all that.

Then the same fish dude stands up to make the announcement to the contestants in the room which Dave gives the slight rise of an eyebrow. Demonstrate interest, _check_. Getting this job will be a piece of cake. In the end he's still a fucking Strider.

"This is Lydia. This is Karkat. As you may know, this job is one that has experienced incredible growth, lately. Not only there has been an increase in the number of girls that have been making calls, but also men that were looking forward to talking to other men.

The test is simple. They will judge your dirty talk skills. You," he pointed "on the other hand, have to try your best to give them your most sexy, most seductive dirty talk."

The guy, Karkat - his mind supplies - looked like he wanted to bite off the boss's head. He suddenly stands up and stomps out of the room like he had exactly _ANYTHING_ better to do than to spend another second in that room.

He’s fuming, and storms off as if he doesn’t need to take no shit home.

The two who are left look lost as fuck. They whisper between themselves which leads the woman, Lydia, to leave after the pissed off guy.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding between the coworkers? The fish faced boss - yes that will be his name for now - looks around like nothing happened even though Dave can clearly see his shiny forehead sweat. Lydia comes back a few moments later with a panicked look on her face. She looks _devastated_. Tough luck buddy. They whisper between themselves again and, ok, this was clearly not calculated, maybe the guy had an important role in the interviews?

“Well… aren’t you all a lucky bunch? Instead of having to go through the test twice, you only will need to do it once! Lydia, here, will be your test subject. She will call you by your name and then you will be taken to another room.” He claps. “Make her wet, boys.” and then he leaves. 

Lydia looks about ready to explode, from how red her face is.

Dave is completely unamused if not slightly uncomfortable with the idea that he will have to talk _face to face_ with Lydia and, somehow, woo her. But everything is under control on his part and lady luck must be completely smitten with him and clearly on his side since one less test only means less time away from that sweet paycheck.

Let the trials begin!

* * *

It’s a shining Monday and also Dave’s first day at the job that he fucking scored like a badass. No big deal for Dave motherfucking Strider. Accomplishment aside, that was one awkward interview and a memory that he will no doubt erase from all of his cool brain. No room for that. No sir.

Back to his job, Fish Face - did this guy even tell him his name? I mean, generic globbly looking people usually don’t need a name for him to remember, but that _is_ his boss right? How the fuck doesn’t he know his boss’s name? Does he _have a name?_ \- focus, focus on the job, bathroom location, _check_ . Coffee machine, _check._

After a few locations, Dave has completely memorised jackshit about where he is or where he should be. On the other hand, why remember locations when you can ask them to the other 30 employees he just met? Andrew, seemed like a complete coffee junk who would gladly guide him through the wonders of caffeination and Katherine seemed very eager to show him the bathroom. Not going there… yet.

He has just met Josh and is walking with Fish Face when they meet The Grumpy Guy from Interview Day. Seriously, a resting bitch face like that deserves a prize.

"Sup. Name 's Dave."

"This asshole with resting bitch-face syndrome is Karkat. He's the company mascot, ironically." Fish Face says.

Which honestly? Anyone that traces the path of irony deserves higher appreciation, 10 points to Karkat here.

Still with his high-pitched mascot voice, Karkat chimed in.

"I don't need your help to introduce myself, asshole. Hi! I'm McAnn! The mascot of the McAnn company! But the unfortunate asshole that does my voice is called Karkat."

Struggling to keep up his poker face game strong because really, who could? Dave can’t help but acknowledge Karkat’s skills with a _very_ intentional smile, no sir not smiling without intending to. Honoured yet? This is a _Strider Smile™_ right here.

"Holy fuck. How do you do that? How do you keep that face while making that voice? I could put a ventriloquist doll on your hand and nobody would suspect jack shit. Hah."

Which is followed by the most ball dropping dick rising performance ever witnessed by Strider ears. 

“Far over the misty mountains cold-”

Karkat, without changing his resting bitch face or breaking eye contact breaks out Misty Mountains in the most bone thrilling, _I just deepthroated a fucking dragon_ , gravel like voice. That’s some serious fucking operah shit right there. Mighty Thor will not be able to hold his hammer after hearing this. Dave is, for the lack of a better word amused.

Karkat just unlocked the _Strider Breathy Laugh_ ™.

Dave, can’t possibly remember when was the last time that he made HIMSELF unlock that motherfucking achievement. 30 points to Karkat? Should Dave even keep this score going? Samuel from Logistics is in 19,7 and that is the highest score so far. 

Is that even fair?

When he looked to his side, Fish Face’s jaw could start scrubbing the floor, so low it could go. Not that Dave could blame him.

“What the fuck, dude,” Dave interjected, messing with his fringe and looking generally akward “are you trying to drag me by the hair to the gay side of the force or something?”

To be fair it was a very hard fought battle just there, but no mighty Strider shall lose any type of battle and, therefore, Dave _WILL NOT_ blush like a fucking shoujo manga character in front of this guy… next time. Next time he _will_ be ready. Today’s battle ended in a tie. But the war isn’t over.

Five seconds after that, Karkat looks at Fish Face with the most pissed of mug Dave had ever seen someone manage to pull off while pointing straight at him. Did he do something already?

“Lydia did his interview.” Fish Face says.

Karkat throws his hands to the side, in a _and what about it?_ posture. Fish Face's answer is a shrug. Aaand okay awkward moment alert, better bail, no way Dave is coming in between whatever beef is going on between those two. Looking to the side he spots his chance at the perfect rendezvous.

“Kim! Bethanny! Goethe! Mind showing the new guy the parking lot? Maybe the Marketing aisle?” Bethanny opens her mouth, but doesn’t say anything “Yes what a great idea! So, boss I’ll be… wherever, you have my number, just call and I’ll be there. Bye!”

Crisis averted. Nice job Dave, maybe you will get a raise sooner than expected.

* * *

Karkat looks at his supervisor, trying very hard to contain the will he has of biting him somewhere he will never recover. He adjusts his throat back to his normal voice and asks the blatantly obvious unsaid but known question.

“Does he know he’s gonna have to talk to guys on the phone? Cause Lydia was supposed to do only half the fucking interview. Who did the other fucking half if your incompetent ass selected me and I declined. Because I did. I’m not doing it. Ever.”

“No. But he signed the contract. So it’s not my problem anymore” he said and walked away.

Karkat started seeing red. His supervisor tricked the new guy. 

This guy didn’t need to be fired. He needed to be locked away in a deep sea prison with the criminally insane.

Karkat remembered Dave’s cute smile and the way he messed with his fringe all innocent like.

That guy was gonna talk dirty to a bunch of guys on the phone? Would he even be able to pull that off? Was he even getting trained to do this job?

Karkat looked at his supervisor talking to someone in the next room.

He doesn't think so.

Maybe he should have stayed and run the interviews. He could have pointed someone more skeevy to the job. More malicious. Would Dave even be okay?

There was no point in thinking about that now. He could think about it after his quota was met. Maybe he should call him. Would that be awkward? I mean, he doesn’t need to know that it’s him. Maybe change his name? Urgh, that sounds like such a creeper move. 

But if they ended up having to work together every day he might as well try for the anonymous route. At least Dave learns the true nature of that job without having to hash it with an actual client.

When Karkat gets home, he stares at his phone for quite a while.

He’s doing it isn’t he?

He's been thinking about it for too long. He knows he will do it. But… maybe if he procrastinates just enough, Dave will have a realization that he is throwing away his innocence and, worse, his time.

But what if he really needs the money?

…

He can definitely do better than telemarketing. Fuck. Telemarketing is okay. He can do better than _Telesex._

He dials the number and a girl picks up the phone. 

“Hello?”

He knows this girl. He can’t let her know it’s him, so he changes his voice to one she might never have heard him do and says “Hey. Is this from Love Line?”

“Yeah, baby. How can I help you feel loved today?”

Karkat cringes internally. He knows she’s just doing her job, but GOD FUCKING DAMN, his romance novels for 40+ woman do a better job at being sexy and enticing. This is just depressing.

…

Dave really is owing him BIG time after this, not that he will ever know if everything works out as planned. But first he needs to make sure to not be recognized and get to actually talk to Dave.

“I saw online that the company is LGBTQ+ friendly.”

“Oh. You want to talk to a man.”

“Yes… I do…” could this get any weirder?

“Okay, honey. I’ll flash you over to one of our boys.”

Karkat swallowed a lump in his throat. This was it. The anxiety in his stomach had never been greater. It was like his gastric juice was sizzling in there.

The transfer music seizes before he can break out of his panic mode.

* * *

“Hello? This is Dave talking. How may I help you tonight princess?”

Karkat closes his eyes and clenches his jaw. His supervisor has to die, pronto. No one should have to go through this level of misery.

“Hello. I think you got the wrong title there.”

This was clearly a male inclined voice… Jennifer said the calls were randomized, tough luck perhaps? No need to panic Dave, you got this.

“Oh. Oooh okaaay? Uhm would you perhaps prefer to talk with one of our female attendants? ... sir.” Nice save. Keep it professional and no homo shall happen. Everything is under control.

Karkat facepalms and takes a deep breath. It’s for a good cause? It’s for a good cause. 

“I saw online that this was a LGBTQ+ friendly company, so, you were exactly who I was expecting to talk to.”

Was that too much? Was he laying it in too thick?

Was it? Not that Dave has a problem with that but no one _mentioned_ this during his recruitment. Or maybe he just didn’t pay attention. Should he ask for help? Katie is on the next cubicle and she seemed nice but that was a 30 second silence that was growing and Dave could NOT fuck this up on his first day.

You got this. You’re Dave motherfucking Strider. Get your shit together.

“Oh! I see uhm... How-” he clears his throat “How should I call you then?”

Oh, shit. That’s not something he thought he’d have to disclose. If Dave knows it’s him he’s never talking to him ever again.

He needs to think quickly. Maybe his chumhandle? Carcino. No. If Dave has a trollian or something he'll definitely be able to find him. Car? Shit. People can link that to his real name too fast. Cino. Cin. Sin. 

“Just… uh... call me Sin.”

“That’s a very… curious name you have there Sin…” Dave Strider, fucking focus. Do not look too much into this guy’s name. He’s just a random guy looking for a good time. You can’t judge him for that can you? And what would be the probabilities that he will EVER talk to… Sin again? Just do it once, and nothing to worry about will come back to bite you in the ass. Just… help a bro out. Yeah that’s what he is doing, helping his pal have a nice time and nothing more, no big deal. There’s not even eye contact in this scenario, he can just… pretend this is a big fat joke and go with it. That 's right. Just like a stand up show. Do it Dave.

“Soo~ Sin what would you like to do tonight?” Is this tone even seductive enough? Would guys fancy his voice? But being fair no one is capable of resisting the Strider Looks and that includes the whole voice package as well.

“Look. You obviously sound awkward. You don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable with it. I’m not gonna die if the telesex guy thinks this is weird or whatever.” And there it goes. The bait. Dave has obviously not been trained to deal with this sort of scenario. Just take the way out that has been given and Karkat can end the charade.

But what if he goes on with it? Fuck. Karkat is going to have to bust out his own sexy-talk skills. How long has it been since the last time he had to sweet talk someone? Shit. He did not think this through.

Just two bros. He totally has his socks on and no one can take them off. No worri- And now Sin seems uncomfortable. That can’t be good. Dave has to come around this. Nothing can possibly stand between him and that sweet juicy paycheck. Think. What can he possibly say to get the “mood” back on.

“No no, hey look… I’m sorry I was just caught by surprise since I never got any calls from… guys. But that 's fine! It _is_ my job right? First day aside I’m here for whatever you might… need me for...” Did this work?

“Fuck me” Karkat says out loud with frustration in his voice. That was not what was planned. What even WAS THE PLAN? PAST KARKAT NEEDED TO GET KICKED IN THE SHINS.

Wow. Sin was pretty forward huh. But Dave Strider doesn’t back off.

“... I could do that as long as you tell me what you wish, whatever you want Sin”

That was… yeah… no words for that. Don’t think about it too much. Stand up scenario remember? Yep all part of a big ironic joke.

Jeeeesus. Karkat was not expecting that, especially because he didn’t mean that like... well… _that._ He closes his eyes and exhales. “Dave was your name, right?”

Dave can _hear_ Sin’s exhales and he is NOT GOING _THERE_.

“Yes that’s me, unless you don’t want to call me by that name? Should I get a new name?” There’s no way to possibly be able to guess what this guy wants. 

One moment it’s ‘FUCK ME’ And now he is asking Dave his name. What 's his deal?

“Your name is actually really pretty. Your surname could maybe change to mine, if you can show me you’re any good.”

Holy hell. Karkat is going to have to brush his teeth with bleach when this is over.

“Of course babe… but to be any good I first need to know what you like, no? Maybe we should work this over the sheets? Are you in bed?” _Smooth_ Dave. You’re getting the hang of this. 10 points to himself.

“There are many things I like, but since the situation is what it is, do you want to role play? Would you be comfortable with that?”

Descriptions. If Karkat can pull things to descriptions he knows he can make Dave see the light. With so much time invested in all sorts of romance novels, no one can describe a sex scene like he can.

Sin sounds nice. He apparently cares about a telesex worker being comfortable doing his own job. Should he start a score for him too? Nah this is just a one time thing, no need.

“Sure, whatever you like. I’m okay with that...” At this point, Dave deserves a fucking prize, he learns so fast! Look at him, it’s his first day and he’s dealing with it like a boss. Let’s hear what this guy has up his pant- sleeve. He meant sleeve.

Karkat is surprised with Dave’s resilience, but more than surprised, he’s relieved that role playing was on the table. He didn’t want to make him feel more out of his depth than he already might be feeling he is, but role playing, giving descriptions is, point blank, his best sex-talk qualification.

He can do other things with his mouth in regular situations, but since this isn’t one of those, he’s just… plain out glad.

“I want to hug you close by the waist, and feel the muscle on your back with my hands. Have you close to me. Face close to mine. Chest flush with mine.”

That is… oddly romantic? Very intimate for sure. But this isn't keeping Dave from doing his job.

"You are so sweet, what are we wearing? I'd like to feel you up, carefully stroke my fingers up your arms." Is that good? Is Sin liking it?

Karkat can imagine the scene. Dave, running his fingers over his biceps.

“We don’t need to be wearing anything,” he says thinking that maybe he should leave something to the imagination. “you can have me just in my underwear or even less. But I want to kiss you. Taste you. What do you taste like?”

Shit… does he play the bold route? Dave can’t possibly lead this if he doesn’t know what to do next. Maybe he should follow Sin’s steps, he sounds like he knows what he is doing.

“I’d like to feel around the edges of your underwear, no fun if we don’t have anything to take off first right?” he lets out a little huff and adds “You taste a mix of coffee and cinnamon” Gotta keep his game sexy right? No way he would tell Sin he probably tastes like apple juice and Doritos, the coffee though is closer to home so why not.

Karkat gives a shallow, low laugh. He sort of agrees. He likes the thought of hands tracing patterns on him.

“My boxers have thick elastics because I like to stay comfortable, and I like the mix of how you taste. It’s like a perfect Starbucks combo. Coffee and a cinnamon roll. I want more of it, so I lick your lower lip.”

Sin’s voice is very… nice to listen to. So Dave focuses on just keeping things going and the low sounds of his breathing.

“I can’t possibly do anything other than open up for you Sin, your lips are so soft on mine’s, I trace the elastic against your skin more firmly as if asking you to take them off. Would you?”

Dave wants to get you naked. You could let him, but then things would progress too fast.

“I take your hand in mine, but instead of leading it down, I lead it up. I want to feel your hands on me. All over me. On my hips, on my stomach, on my chest. I want you to feel my back, caress my face, have them entangle with my hair. I want to feel your warmth. Your breath. Your scent. To look deeply in your eyes and kiss you stupid until your face almost turns purple, because you can’t breathe.”

This is too real. Why is he saying any of this shit?

Dave can’t help but picture it all. Sin’s hands on his, the feeling of tracing, mapping out a body that isn’t known and can’t possibly take shape. This is all so intense, Sin guides him so effortlessly into that scenario that he doesn’t even notice the blush creeping up his neck. Licking his lips Dave answers.

“I- I want to trace and feel every inch of you against me and, slowly, I start to kiss my way down to your neck, can you feel me squeezing your thighs? I like how you taste, how your back feels under my palms and the sound of your breathing.”

Karkat’s heart squeezes in his chest. He can feel it beating faster. He can feel the unwelcome pressure in his pants. He can feel the ghost feeling of having his neck kissed and the tell tale sign of shivering that starts wavering over his face. His face is warm, and most of him is petrified in the bed. 

He wants to be in that moment with Dave, but the tent he’s sporting is starting to annoy him, so he closes his legs to try and alleviate the pressure.

That was not what was supposed to happen, but he’s in too deep. He just can’t back away now.

“I love the way your mouth feels against my skin. It’s soft and it’s warm. It makes me feel desired,” he breathes out. His stupid boner is getting the best of him “you can bite me if you want. Or lick me. Or scratch me.”

Dave can _hear Sin’s breath leave him_ and that is something he really wants to hear more.

“You want me to mark you up? I will as long as I can hear you. I'll do anything you like. Don’t hold back Sin, let me hear you.”

“Fuck. Dave- you’re gonna break me if you request things like that.” 

Karkat is basically whining over the phone, but he can’t really care. He can’t keep his erection in his pants anymore. The jeans are too restrictive, so he unbuttons it and allows his dick to spring free of it’s imprisonment.

The new exhale comes out of his nose, but is accompanied by a very low, very little moan.

That tiny moan sends a shiver up Dave’s spine. Sin sounds so good, is he already touching himself? That 's good right? _Just keep going Dave, no time to think._

“That’s it, want me to keep going? If breaking you is what it takes to hear more of your moans that’s exactly what I’ll do. I want to make you feel good, won’t know that unless I hear you...”

“Please. Don’t _stop_.”

“What do you need Sin? Tell me and I’ll do it. Tell me every filthy thing you want me to do to you” Was that too much? They never established who would lead and Dave kind of got carried away… But Sin seems to like whatever it is that he is doing and _gods_ how could he stop after that plea?

Karkat misjudged Dave’s character by a whole yard. This dude had honey on his tongue and, for once, Karkat gave no shits if he was gonna get hurt in the process. Why not go all out and freaky? No one will ever know.

“I want you to mark me, and own me. I want you to hurt me and kiss me. I want to touch you everywhere. I want to lick your lobes, your neck, your nipples and be mean to them. Suck them, flick them, pinch them. I want to hold you and have your sides be marked with the grapple of my hands. I want to lie you down and kiss your thighs, from your knees to that soft spot closer to your intimate area. I want to bite that soft skin, and lick it better. I want to tease you until I can see precum leaking through your underwear.”

Is he projecting? Yes. Does he care? _HA_. He’s way past that point.

He can _feel_ Sin unravelling on the other side of the line, almost like he was holding back at the beginning and adjusting his sitting position for ahem, reasons. He goes back to Sin.

“Fuck- Sin-” he gasps out the name like it’s his last words “Do it, feel me up bend me to your needs, I-” Dave can’t help but remember Sin’s words:

_If you can show me you’re any good._

“I want to be good for you, I wrap myself around you and can’t hold back my gasps at the feel of your lips on my body, my underwear feels too tight, and I want to feel your skin on mine everywhere, no clothes in the way. Sin, take them off, please. I want to see and feel you.” 

Dave just pleaded a random stranger to take off his imaginary underwear. Is it weird that he doesn’t mind that? Focus on the job, Focus on Sin.

_I want to be good for you._

Karkat almost jizzed himself then and there. A moan escapes him, no matter how hard he tries to hold it, and that spot on his underwear just doubled in size. He can feel it. He touches himself over the cloth. Dave is begging him to take it off. Both of them. He can’t. He knows that Dave is just saying it because of the role playing effect, but if Dave can’t feel this sort of release too, he shouldn’t make himself feel it.

He really wants to make Dave like it. Since he couldn’t scare him off of the job, since he’s dug this hole to himself, he might as well lie in it. He won’t touch himself. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how aroused Dave makes him, if he can’t please whoever is on the other side, he will suffer through it as he should.

“I give a tentative kiss at the spot on your underwear while holding each of your legs in a shoulder.”

What. The. Fuck. After that heavenly moan a tentative kiss is all he gets? He fucking pleaded for taking their bloody mental underwear off! The least acceptable move would be a dick to mouth kiss. Is Sin backing down? Cuz Dave sure as hell isn’t. They are getting off- I mean Sin is getting off and no way they are losing time around being shy. He heard Sin when he let go back there and he is not letting this guy clamp up again.

Releasing his most pornographic moan Dave breathes out.

“Sin- Fuck, no no I asked you to take them off! C’mon, Sin, fuck this is not enough. I want more.” Was that too needy? Maybe. Will it work? Yes it will because now Dave is on a mission. Adjusting his pants over his hard on Dave pushes a little more “That’s not fair I told you to take them OFF. In a frustrated move I wrap my legs around your head and turn you over straddling your face. I pin down your hands over your flushed face and kiss you hard, I want you to feel my frustration, I want to _devour_ you and there’s no way you can back down from it. I asked nicely first. I can’t be good to you if you won’t allow it.” Jesus that was a whole new level of dirty talk… after this his dirty talk will be top tier.

Karkat grabs the sheets of his bed in an iron grip when he hears that deliciously frustrated moan. He never acknowledged it, but he might be a sadist. 

The description of having his face stuffed and clamped full of man junk wrenches a gasp and a curse out of him. God, that would be a dream come true. 

Then the kiss and Dave’s obvious sexual frustration seeping through the phone, being portrayed in the things he says, in the pitch of his voice. Karkat adjusts his hand that is not holding the phone to mimic the scene, and buckles his hips in the air.

“Holy fucking hell. You’re making me buck my hips like a bitch in heat IRL. What the fuck, Dave.”

“What’s that Sin? Didn’t you tell me you would judge my skills? I’m just trying my best here. Now come on, don’t be shy. I want you to feel good and if this is working there’s no way I’m stopping.” A small smirk blooms into Dave’s face, it's working. The game is still on. “Holding both your hands in one of mine, I trace your lips with my thumb and go lower, over your nipples, can you feel the ghosting touch of my fingers over you? And slowly oh so slowly I wrap my hands in the elastic band of your underwear. *Let _*_ me be good for you.”

“My breathing is shallow,” and it really is, “but I’ve never shaken my head more vehemently on my entire existence. My mouth feels dry and it’s half open. I want more. I want you. Around me. On top of me. Please, let me have you. I buckle on you, rubbing your arousal against mine. Just don’t leave me alone. I desperately want to see you too.”

THAT Dave can work with, they being naked together was bound to happen on this role play right? No harm done there. Off they go! _Finally._

“In a reassuring way I let go of your hands to caress your face and look into your eyes.” Dave never put so much effort into talking softly with his usual monotone voice. He is breaching new territory here, whispering into the headset he goes back to picturing Sin and his desperate eyes that never hold a definite shape for too long.

“No need to fret, I’m getting both of them off okay?” and going for his ultimate move Dave adds “With a firm hold on your underwear I rip them off you, followed closely by mine… Are you okay Sin, can I keep going?” In his head Dave is cheering the mental defenestration of their underwear. 10 POINTS FOR DAVE FUCKING STRIDER.

“Yeah-” Karkat whispers, breathless, almost the ghost of an answer, “Please don’t stop. I need you.”

He can feel the precum running down his, now, freed cock. It’s cold when it comes out, but he breathes a satisfied puff of air. It’s so good to have it out in the open, but he can't help how dirty he feels with so much precum running from the top of his dick.

He wonders if Dave is anywhere as debauched as he is. He’s so pitifully easy to taunt. Or maybe Dave just knows exactly what buttons to press. Either way, Karkat is so doomed. He wants to touch himself, but he’s afraid he won't last anything and he doesn’t want Dave to think he is that pitiful.

Here it comes, Dave is pseudo touching another man's cock. Yep. Two bros helping each other out huh. Well this is it, no time to rethink his life choices nor to think about his aching cock trapped in his skinny jeans.

“I can’t take my eyes off you. Fuck I want to see you shiver and gasp and fucking cry from under me. While I grasp both our cocks together and start to rub them I whisper in your ear how fucking good it feels to finally be able to touch all of you. Fuck- Sin, Tell me, how do you feel? Are you enjoying this? I want to hear every breathy filthy moan that comes out of your red kissed lips.”

Karkat has never been known for having any cool to give, but if he ever had any quantifiable amount, Dave sucked it out of it and spat it back on his face. Karkat shook like a leaf on the wind and the moan stuck on his throat came out in choked bouts. 

He grabbed himself when Dave put them together, and the whine that came out of him originated from parts of Karkat’s throat that he didn’t even know he still had any access to.

“D- Dave- I- I want to have you inside my mouth. I want to keep tasting you. I want you to hold my hair and guide me as you want me. As for seeing me cry, you’re not that far from the truth. This feels good and I just- they don’t stop. I want you. Please let me have you heavy on my tongue. I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel. I want to hold you, and please you, over and over and over until you’re so spent that the only thing you’ll be able to remember when we’re done is my name.”

Holy shit. Dave feels undeniably proud. Sin sounds like a hot mess because of his doing. All those choked out moans and pleas and _fuck._ He actually sounds like he’s in tears, his cock throbs in his pants. He’s never wearing skinny jeans to work again. What the fuck. Now what? In between the whispered curses over his _not so pseudo_ arousal Dave hisses at the almost painful need to touch himself.

“Sin, dear. Will you be able to answer me with my dick down your throat? Because there’s _no way_ I’m giving up on hearing you just like that. Fuck. Next time-” And what the fuck is Dave saying? But he says it anyways, too late now, just go with it. “Next time okay? I want to hear how you sound when you cum all over us” at this point Dave is clutching the side of his chair in an effort to NOT touch himself. No. Not doing this. He is at WORK Christ on a bike!

“I speed up my movements and, with my other hand, grip your hair and force your head back, leaving your delicious neck exposed and like a starved man I bite you all over. You taste so good on my tongue, I could eat you up.”

Karkat grips his erection really hard, trying his best to keep shit inside, but he likes hearing Dave torture him so much. Dave wants to hear him when he comes. He wants Dave to like it too. To hear him too. Maybe if he puts it off for just a bit longer.

“Dave- Dave- _fuck_ . Bite me. Mark me. Own me. I’m so close,” he grunts,” you’re getting me so close. If you keep torturing me like that- taunting me- hurting me so good- I can’t- I’ll break. You’ll break me. I won’t be able to keep going. Ah- _ah-_ ”

He could already feel the edge building in his lower belly, constricting his thorax. He felt so warm, so ashamed, but he couldn’t stop anymore. He had. to. finish.

“ _Cumming!_ ”

Something in Dave fucking broke. Sin had just crumbled under him and Dave can _not_ fucking hold it anymore. He is touching himself as soon as this call fucking ends. Gay or not this might’ve been the best role play he will ever witness in this goddamn job and he is not wasting such a major jack off material just because he is scared of what that could possibly mean.

His voice comes out cracked “Oh _God,_ Sin, fuck- Yes, that’s it. So beautiful, coming apart just for me. Just like that. I twist my hand around us and follow you into the edge, covering you on my release. You sound so good when you cum. Just for me. Yes only me. You’re _mine_. My Sin… Fuck…”

As he gets his bearings back and the notion that he actually hasn't come yet, he also comes down to the actual reality of what he just said… How the fuck should he go from there? While getting his breath under control Dave looks around his aisle. No one seems to pay him any mind… That’s… good.

“... Sin? You okay?...”

As Karkat breathes deeply, ashamed to his core of what he had done, Dave asks about him on the other side of the line. “So good,” he says with all the coherence of a person that got their tongue stung by a bee and now feel like they are too big to put back in the mouth.

“You didn’t actually go, though, did you?”

“Shit… uhm no… not really erm...“ Why does he feel bad about that? He isn’t supposed to cum every goddamn call he answers to. But something in Sin’s voice makes him feel… compelled to follow his needs.

“Are you sitting down?” Karkat asks, with a half formed plan in his head.

“I… uh” By some weird alien reason he doesn’t want to lie to Sin, doesn’t want to hide that he is actually turned on by all they did. ”If you define sitting down by the man spreading while being a squirming mess that I am right now? Yup got me there. But look, Sin that’s cool I actually have a 10 minute break after this call” _lies._

Karkat knows that is a lie.

“I think you can last longer than 10 minutes. And I can help you now. Isn’t that better than doing it alone?” Karkat offered. 

“NO Thank you- I mean I- uhm next time? I really _really_ don’t want to spend the next uhm” he looks at the time “four hours with creamed pants you know? So no need. I’m good. I’m good. Great. Just peachy.” What the fuck is he saying, why does he keep mentionin a next time?! Stop it Dave. Be. Cool.

Karkat gives a bursting laugh. He can relate with that being a very uncomfortable situation to be left at. He does some basic math and concludes that Dave leaves as 20. 

“I’ll try calling closer to the end of your shift then. But I’ll give you a tip to be inconspicuous in case you change your mind. Put your legs close together, hold the edge of the chair and rub your ass back and forth in it. It’ll masturbate you.” 

Karkat suggests.

“Bye, Dave. Till next time.”

_..._

_Fuck._

Did he even mention the service evaluation? What. Just. Happened.

Leaning back on his chair Dave looks up to the clock. Two hours done, four to go. This will be a very _long_ shift.

Freeda, who sits on his left, pops her head over the cubicle divide with eyes the size of saucers and whistles.

“Long call huh? And on your first day… Having a good time rookie?”

Dave, still sporting his boner. Fiddles over words to formulate a decent answer.

“I… uh… Where’s the bathroom?” He did, in fact not memorize the fucking locations before. Fuck you past Dave.

“Take a left, then the second right. That’s the closest one to our department. By the side of the coffee vending machines”

“Oh! please get me a mocha? When you’re back?” says Katie who ALSO pops her head over the divide. Can’t a man be turned on in peace?

“Sure, see you in…”

“Oh dear more than 5 and you will be in trooouble~ it’s still your first day. Better to not make the supervisor angry. See you~” Freeda warns before going back to her cubicle and answering a call in a very different voice “Hey scumbag, about time you called me. I’ll whip you next time-” Yeah… on to the bathroom we go. Waving to Katie I stand up, adjust my shirt over my… condition and walk out while repeating Freeda’s directions in my head.

In the bathroom, which is thankfully empty, Dave enters the second stall cuz duh, that’s usually the best stall. And hurriedly opens his pants relieving the pressure on his dick.

“I’m doing this aren’t I… What the fuck is happening…” Dave thinks out loud, trying to convince himself that _no I am not necessairly gay just because I’m jacking off over a very intense roleplay session with a random guy._

“No homo” he says before grabbing his cock. 

Better make those five minutes count. And Sin was thinking Dave could last over 10 minutes. What did he think he was? A porn actor?

Using the precum that had already soaked his cock, Dave begins to jerk off in front of the toilet in hurried movements.

Without realising, his mind wanders to a low, breathy, gravely baritone voice that moans and curses in his ears.

_“Fuck. Dave- you’re gonna break me if you request things like that”_

Dave wanted him to break apart. To be the one to do that to him.

_“I want more. I want you. Around me. On top of me. Please, let me have you.”_

The mental images and touch descriptions crawl up his skin like he’s burning alive with Sin in his lips and molten lava coursing his fucking veins. His cock throbs.

_“Please don’t stop. I need you.”_

“O-oh _fuck_ … what are you _doing_ to me…” his voice cracks and Dave can’t help but play again and again the moans and pleas Sin breathed and whispered in his ears.

_“Dave- Dave- fuck. Bite me. Mark me. Own me. I’m so close”_

_Me too, Sin- fuck- me too._

_“you’re getting me so close. If you keep torturing me like that- taunting me- hurting me so good- I can’t- I’ll break. You’ll break me. I won’t be able to keep going.”_

_Fuck fuck fuck-_

_“Ah-_ ah- _”_ his moans mix with Sin’s in his head and the only thing he can do is thrust his hips harder in his fist.

“God. fucking. damn. it.”

“ _Cumming!_ ”

“Fuck-”

He didn’t last five minutes.

After cleaning up and while he stares at the depressing coffee machine lights, Dave questions his reasons as to why he can not question his life choices.

It’s not like Sin will actually call back again, right?

Will this happen everytime he talks dirty to a guy?

That doesn’t make him _gay_ so there’s no harm about it right? right?

The mocha is ready and Dave thanks his small blessings, no need to think while he is just getting coffee for his coworker. Smart move. Oh the wonders of being such a good guy. Helping people out is his thing, that’s right, just like he helped out Sin- he meant how he is helping out Katie, now. Yes that 's it. Such a helpful delightful straight boy. Was it the first left? the second right? Why are office ways always so unnecessarily similar?

“Uh Josh? Where’s the Telemarketing department?”

He definitely needs to memorize at least his way to the bathroom and back.


	2. White Noise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That moment where Meowtwos obsession with pineapples shows

Karkat looked at his white, gooey hand and felt like the worst person in the world. The biggest, most disgusting hypocrite to ever walk the face of the fucking Earth. Of course Dave would be fine. Lydia had years of recruitment work under her belt. She knew who to hire. What the ever loving fuck was he even worried about?

On another note, when was the last time someone ruined him so thoroughly? He can still feel the track of tears running down his eyes. And the cringey stuff he said over the phone? How come he didn’t even realise he was feeling so lonely before? So...  _ pitifully _ needy.

The memory of Dave, giving him that cute smile and fidgeting with his hair comes back to haunt him. Karkat lets out a long, painful, loud groan of frustration and denial. He doesn’t have a crush on the new, cute, straight guy that is basically a sex worker with less probability of STD contraction.

He doesn’t, okay?

Karkat is just lonely and has a busy schedule. He just... hasn’t had time to tend to his… needs… in a while. He works and attends his classes and lives by himself in a dingy apartment in a not-that-shady part of town. Making ends meet, doing college work and trying to keep his apartment habitable, all by his lonesome self, is not easy.

No wonder Karkat is the epitome of sleep deprivation.

And, apparently, jacking-off deprivation as well, he realizes in a moment of auto deprecating self-hate.

He doesn't have a crush. He can’t have a crush. He just met the guy. He won’t ever call again and Dave will simply forget this ever happened. He probably thinks the whole experience was gross anyway. That… Karkat... is gross.

The person that looks at him back in the bathroom mirror while he dries his now clean hands wouldn’t be able to deny that statement even if he started shouting at him.

Karkat sighs. He needs to shower before going to college to solve his enrollment papers. He is not leaving his house looking like he just got run over by a truck.

days after that blend in on themselves. Wake up, go to work, max quota, don’t call the clients aboherent abortions, have lunch in the office cafeteria, get to college, have classes, read something or other in the subway, get home, alienate yourselfin front of the TV for comfort and roll around in bed for hours overthinking your problems until you pass out from exhaustion. Repeat.

That is- until Friday comes.

Comfortable in his mind-numbing routine, Karkat decides to stall a bit in his cubicle. Classes start later on Fridays which gives him some free time to get a head start on some articles. He reads a couple pages before getting stuck on a paragraph, rereading it several times.

Why can’t he fucking concentrate?

He looks around, trying to find the cause of his problems, and then he sees Dave talking to the girl that sits on his left. The red-haired one. He even thinks about going there and saying  _ hi _ when he realizes something that shifts his whole perspective of work forever.

Dave knows Sin as someone with Karkat’s voice. 

His *real* voice.

If Karkat ever talks to him, even to say hi, Dave might figure him out.

He is going to know.

HE’S GOING TO KNOW WHAT HE DID.

Karkat gets his things, turns off the computer and stuffs his bag. He needs to get out of the building without letting Dave see him and without looking shady, or else people are going to start asking questions that he will never ever want to answer. And if he doesn’t answer, they’re gonna get insufferable.

He assesses his options. He could walk the hall like he does every day to try to get to the elevator. If Dave sees him, he’ll probably just wave him off and get the hell out of here.

There’s also the stairs, which are closer. No one will see him leave, but he will end up out of this floor and, as a consequence, out of Dave’s possible sight, faster. He would have to get the elevator on the next floor, and whoever notices that he didn’t enter it from his usual floor might start getting suspicious of him.

That wouldn’t be a problem if he only considered people from other floors because each floor hosts a different company, but if there is one son of a bitch from this floor in there, he might look suspicious.

Karkat ducks and looks around. He spots Dave talking to his other colleagues and catches the glimpse of a sassy smirk. His heart constricts and he hates himself.

Don’t catch feelings for the new, *straight*, sex-fucking-operator. Just- get to the damn fucking door.

* * *

After the crazy experience that was Sin's call Dave had a relatively normal shift. As normal as finding out Katie was a known influencer with plenty of videos that went over sex toys reviews could be. Honestly, what is his life?

Following that question, purely out of clarification’s sake, Dave’s decision to continue on his job was actually very simple. He needed the money! *Badly*. And the fact that this job ended up being quite amusing if not sort of ironic, was only a plus side. Therefore, following said path of irony and for the sake of helping other bros have a nice time *while* he scored some cash, Dave is now handling the full weight of Love Line’s male to male talks.  _ ‘How?’  _ you ask? He is very much straight, he knows, ‘The epitome of no homoness’, that’s right. But if you must know; he’s handling it by completely ignoring that fact. Genius move right? 10 points to Dave, he’s so bloody smart that if there was a mind reader around they would be utterly baffled by his genius.

But back to the present, today is a Friday and the end of his first week at Love Line which turned out to be… for the lack of a shorter expression than  _ ‘filled to the brim with awkwardness over how many people could cum over his monotone voice on the phone. Which is kind of cool right? But also sort of worrying because, would this mean he is a sex magnet now? Should he worry about being adored and sacrificed over a bonefire for the sex gods? He would totally make the top three sexiest sacrifices right beside a marvelous jar of apple juice and the noises of Si-’ _ yeah uh… it turned out to be… a lot.

You see, Dave didn't look too much into who he would be working with. But as his first week rolled by the amount of calls he got from  _ men _ couldn't possibly be a coincidence.

After giving it a thought was when it finally clicked.

"I am the only dude in this entire fucking department aren't I?"

He asks himself, in a useless effort of trying to deal with that realization. 

He is surrounded by an entire army of women who definitely know more about sex than he could possibly learn over weird internet researches.

"Dave, Darling. I love your weirdness but, how the fuck did you not realize that before?" Asked Jennifer right before donning her Monster like it was the end of the world.

"He's a Straight ™ Jenny that's why" answered Katie from her side of the cubicles who was only answered by Jennifer's spluttering disbelief and cackling as she walked back to her seat by the entrance mumbling something about rainbows being plastered over Dave’s aura.

Which…rude. Firstly, because his observational skills are perfectly fine. He just didn't actually care that much about who would be his coworkers as long as he got paid. And, secondly, because yes, he * _ is* _ straight! What about it? And what type of reaction was that? What does that aura shit even mean?

As he stared back at his screen with his classic poker face and made his absolute most to tune out the faint sounds of fake moaning from across the room, Freeda, who had just finished her last call, interjected from his left.

"Oh c'mon Dave it's not that bad is it? I bet you are having fun with all this. Tell me, what was the last girl asking you about? Or what about that Monday long ass call? You never shared~" she batted her eyes in a very cartoonish way, clearly messing with him.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Remembering his last very straight, very successful call, Dave's only response was the slightest smirk before diving into a completely different tangent about Freeda's ability to flip into her dominatrix persona so fast.

As he answered yet another call, he was *not* thinking about how, for the past three days, he kind of expected a certain  _ Sinful _ voice to be on the other side of the line again.

“Hello this is Dave talking, how may I address you?” After that princess fiasco with Sin he is never assuming who is on the other side of the line again. He’s such a fast learner with his amazing observational skills, take that Jennifer.

“Hey this is Jace but I would like to go by Minx today... uhm hi Dave”

“Well hello Minx~ so tell me, what are we doing this afternoon” Yep, very fast learner. Ten points to Dave here.

* * *

Somehow his luck got better. Despite the inconvenience at the office, Karkat manages to get to the entrance of the building without any more problems. Now he just needs to see how much time he has left before his classes start. If he has enough time he can go sleeping on the bus, which would be great for his tiredness and sleep deprivation.

If he’s late, he can just take the subway. It’s hot and cramped and he’s going to have to stand while dodging some asshole who forgot that it’s basic human decency to put some fucking deodorant on, but he’ll make it in time... Probably.

He pats his back pocket, trying to reach for his phone, but it’s not there. He tries his other pocket. Not there either. Maybe his jacket pocket. It’s unusual, but he could have left it there. Shit. Not in his pockets. Did he leave it in his bag?

Panic starts to rise on his gut. Where the hell did that fucking thing go?

He checks the small pocket, trying his luck by checking the next pockets by their increasing sizes. When he runs out of pockets to check, sweat starts to run cold in his back.

He left it at his desk, goddammit.

Fuck. Shit. Bullshit. Why does he have to be such a fucking stupid, retarded asshole. Now he  _ has _ to go back. He  _ doesn’t want _ to go back. Maybe he could ask someone to get it for him?

Who is he kidding. He doesn’t have any friends.

Karkat sighs, feeling misery creep on his back and take shelter in his soul. He feels numb, going up the elevator. He feels numb when he gets to McAnn, and he feels numb when he sees a long, gray, dead corridor that leads to the telemarketing department.

Then, he starts to feel anxious. And anxiety grows with each step he takes back to his desk. He pulls the hood of his jacket over his head, hiding himself in it, takes a deep breath and walks, as inconspicuous as he can, back to his desk, praying to any God that might listen, interested or not, that no one comes to talk to him.

He has no plan. He would rather walk naked in front of the building than to allow Dave to listen to his voice coming out of his mouth.

* * *

Of all the furry sex roleplays Dave can try to think about, Jace’s get’s the cursed prize. He was *not* ready for that. At all.

“I can feel my sanity slowly decreasing as if a slime got into my skull and started eating my brain away…” he vents to the ceiling while sliding down his chair and almost melting into the ground “longest fifteen minutes of my life and that’s counting that one time John tried to coerce me into joining that Nicolas Cage convention because they gave out  _ ‘free waffles with honey on top that they had the audacity of naming Not the Bees’ _ ” he finishes with his best John impersonation.

“Coffee break,” he states into the room for whoever cared “I need a fucking break.”

“Get me another Monster” demands Jennifer as he walks past her.

He gets her empty can to the trash “Fine goth girl no need to be so bossy.”

As he is striding past Karkat’s room and trying to remember if the way to the vending machine was taking the first right or the first left he hears a tiny screech coming from beyond the darkness of the open door. With desperation in his eyes and the paleness of a corpse, Karkat stares at Dave as if he was the ghost of christmas future.

Did he do something? Was it that appalling to see a cool dude wearing cotton pants? Freeda said they looked fine on him.

“Sup Karkat dude? Everything good hangin in the dark there? I was hoping someone could show me the way to the coffee machines, all the halls look the same and last time I ended up on the other side of the floor. Care to help a bro out?” he says trying to break the sudden tension meanwhile also getting directions. This whole ass building looked like a maze the longer Dave spent inside it.

* * *

Karkat’s face twists and contorts in a frown. He thought he got lucky and wouldn’t have any more incidents today. He thought that, when he got his phone, that would be the end of… well... _ that. _

But nooooooo.

Not only now he has to deal with his lie, he was to lie worse. Or better. Who the fuck knows. He certainly doesn’t. Has it been too long? Dave is talking to him and… asking directions.

Karkat grimaces.

It’s one fucking floor. There aren’t even that many tables around. Who could get lost in a place so easy to navigate? Everything is squared out and the departments literally have signs over them. 

Now he’s kind of annoyed. He would usually just tell an asshole to go get lost and see if he finds where he left his fuckign brains or something, but he can’t even say his fucking name aloud or Dave will know who he is and he’ll be screwed.

He passes Dave without talking to him, gives him a glance and keeps walking. Maybe if he leads him to the coffee machine he’ll get stuck there and Karkat can make an exit without any more major problems.

* * *

Karkat looks like he swallowed a cucumber and is now struggling to not spit it back at Dave’s face. With his biggest dead eyed stare, he passes Dave with the smallest  _ look _ of distaste and just keeps walking towards the left hallway. So… that means follow? Maybe? Follow the grumpy guy and get coffee in exchange. Sounds like a good enough deal.

Catching up to Karkat, who still looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, Dave starts trying to break the ice... again.

“Hey tell me something, do you sing opera often? That performance on my first day was batshit crazy, 12 outta 10 not expected. Is it just a hobby? Maybe you are part of a choir somewhere? You don’t make the type though. You know my friend John would probably lose his shit if you ever did it in front of him.”

No luck, Karkat just glares at him while they take the second right and keep walking. How can someone look so intensely disgusted while following directions on this goddamn maze? The man has skills, Dave can recognize that.

“Thanks for showing me the way man, I just had the craziest call of hopefully my entire life. My ears were about to quit my body and tell me to shove a pineapple up my nostrils or something, actually scratch that, I might never be able to look at a pineapple ever again after today.”

That gives Dave a reaction. With plain confusion in his eyes, Karkat looks up at him as if questioning what the fuckery could that possibly mean. Huh, curious choice of interest but who is Dave to judge, he came up with it anyways.

“Yeah dude. I had this dude call me today, not that long ago actually. About 15 minutes ago? No. Make it twenty, and he was all shy and shit at the start. Easy quest huh? Nope. I was very much mistaken by his docile persona. Turns out  _ Minx _ , no that’s not his actual name, anyways, he was a Furry. A very creative, kinky, vegan furry. Is that even a thing? Can furries be vegan?” He is met with a very confused shrug. Guess Karkat doesn’t know either.

“Okay. So back to my adventure over the not at all wonderful world of vegan furries. He, somehow, had this whole-ass pineapple with him and he wanted  _ me  _ to roleplay the cursed fruit WHILE he shoved it up his ass or something. Can you even picture that because I can, 100% would not recommend. And since I’m a superb... Sex operator? Is that a way to describe my job? Anyways, since I have amazing talking skills I somehow convinced him to twist it up into a not so traumatizing mental vision for my poor mental eyes. My creative mind is sometimes a curse as much as a blessing you know. And then I had to somehow roleplay this weird ass scene where Minx cut up the pineapple aka  _ me _ , and ate it. Before you say anything, no it wasn’t  _ my  _ idea to go into the vore side of town but Bethanny swore it would at least be safer and more hygienic for the client and then there I was, a pineapple, tragically stuck inside Minx’s somehow sexy guts because said fursona wanted it to be a sex thing. Oh there’s the coffee machine, thanks man. You want something? Maybe a cappuccino? Though with those circles under your eyes you look like you probably need an espresso. Did you know newbies get a free drink per week here? I still haven’t had it, maybe you could use it better than me? I leave at the end of the afternoon but Jennifer already owes me enough Monster drinks that I don’t think that would be a problem.”

* * *

Karkat's eyes light up at the mention of coffee. He immediately remembers Dave saying he tastes like coffee and cinnamon, so, at least he could confirm the coffee part.

Wait. Dave was basically inviting him for coffee. Like a fucking date in one of his romcoms. He couldn't believe how cliché he could get.

He had to get to class as fast as possible. At this rate, it didn't matter if he took the bus or the subway. He was going to be late either way.

But he was already going to be late either way. Might as well make the time he wasted count for something.

He nods at Dave's espresso offering.

* * *

“One espresso on the house for you then sir” Dave offer’s Karkat the hot caffeinated drink of the energy Gods while he gets Jennifer’s Monster and a bottle of apple juice for him. Treat yourself, they say. Dave will treat himself after this as much as he wants. He deserves all the Doritos and AJ the world has to offer him. Good thing he stocked up on the Gods triangles on his last visit to the supermarket “and one delicious juicy goodness for me and my poor violated ears. I shall never look upon the fruit world the same.”

That comment wrenches a side smile from Karkat’s scowl. It’s like he doesn't know if he wants to bite someone’s head off or fucking giggle like a school girl with a pop crush. One could mistake his face for constipation. 

He tries to hide it behind his cup.

“Ladies, gentleman, and people who don’t give a fuck, do you see this? He  _ can _ emote stuff other than anger! The crowd goes wild!” Dave says while gesturing like a circus clown at an imaginary crowd after the sight that is Karkat’s adorable attempts at hiding his smile… it is a smile right?

Karkat’s smile dies as he grows aware that he did it. He pulls his hoodie over his head and flips Dave the bird.

“Woah dude, bringing in the big guns already? I gave you coffee as a peace offering. The audacity of some people nowadays I tell you, back in my days the exchange of free drinks were met with rainbows shining out of people's asses! Ah nevermind, you look like a college student, I feel your tiredness. Pretty much the same here but at the moment I have so much Doritos in my system that I can’t simply give a fuck. Cheers.” Dave ends his rambling by gently tapping his bottle with Karkat’s espresso only to afterwards take a swig of his juice like a thirsting man.

Doritos has never been considered a meal in the minds of any decent adult, which makes Dave just that much more relatable to him. He’d never admit it to any of his family members, but Karkat lives on coffee, popcorn and take-out. His cooking is trash, his food tastes bland and there’s usually so many dishes to wash afterwards it’s just not worth his effort.

As Dave downs his drink, Karkat can’t help but notice his Adam's apple bob. The position makes his mind wander to other places. Dirtier places. And then he remembers the pineapple guy and wonders beratingly how the fuck is he any better.

“So tell me man, how does that mascot shit work? Do you like, talk all day with people with that tiny squeaky voice? Or do you just do that when you have to record shit?” Dave tries, yet again to start a conversation.

In his McAnn voice, Karkat answers “All fucking day. My throat is trashed.”

It’s an excuse, but maybe Dave will let him not talk.

“Oh so you do talk then. Damn that voice never ceases to amaze me, I don’t think I would ever get used to this. But if your throat is trashed you don’t need to talk, I understand how it sucks. Once my cousin Rose had me over for some Eldritch bullshit and I’ll tell you, never again. I don’t think I have ever screamed at the top of my lungs as much as that day. Believe me or not when I say this but shadow tentacles are not fun at all. It was probably one of the most traumatizing experiences in my life, besides Minx’s call.”

Much to Karkat’s chagrin, a lanky, sly, greasy figure comes walking down the hall. The supervisor. It’s not even rational, but his nose turns when he sees him.

Looking at the direction where Karkat’s disgust is now directed at, Dave spots Fish Face and can only whisper as he slowly retreats. “Oh shit Fish Face spotted, gotta bail thanks for the chat Kitkat, see ya.”

Karkat tries his hardest not to spit his coffee in a spray when he hears the nickname Dave gave the Supervisor. He will absolutely adopt it. 

Then he calls him Kitkat, and Karkat gives him a death glare.

Passing by Fish Face who looks kind of baffled? Dave tails back to, hopefully his department. He is at the end of his first week after all, no need to be caught slacking. “Boss man.” he salutes and keeps moving.

Back at his department, as if just summoned through the sheer mention of her name, stands a blonde pale figure right in front of Jennifer’s desk. Rose fucking Lalonde is here. At his workspace. Chatting away with Jennifer like they * _ know each other _ *. While Dave is calculating the pros and cons of bailing back to the coffee machine and facing the probable ire of Fish Face he can’t help but listen into the two girls' conversation.

"I’m aware that the Eldritch Kama Sutra was just something that reminded you of me, but after our last gift exchange I couldn't help myself. I hope you and Gwendolyn enjoy it." Rose says while pulling out of her purse a wrapped package and dropping it into Jennifer’s lap. She immediately unwraps it without a care in the world revealing, to Dave’s increasingly traumatized mind, a thing that could only be described as a Lovecraftian dildo.

"Rose! You didn't need to! Own thanks. We surely appreciate it" is the brunette’s answer. What. The. Actual.  _ Fuck. _ "So? Any progress with that stylist dark fairy you mentioned? Is she joining us in tonight's cult?" Jennifer asks while putting away the rubber? silicon? monstrosity she was just gifted.

As Rose is about to answer Jennifer’s inquiry, Dave decides that he is very much *not* going into that. However, as he is turning around, about to walk back to his possible damnation, both goth’s look at him in close sync almost as if they had an otherworldly sixth sense that could see all. His arms hair stands under the scrutiny as desperation slithers up his spine. 

On the bright side? Rose almost looks surprised. The dark side? Well, that’s glaringly obvious. This is Rose he is looking at.

“Hello cousin I didn’t know you were working here.”

_ Fuck. _

* * *

The classes suck. His teacher is an even worse over-achiever than he is himself, and that’s saying something. Part of why Karkat has no social life is because he makes a point of keeping his grades high, and that often means skipping parties and other social gatherings that his so-called friends like to go to.

He is not a party boy. He has never been a party boy. And he knows this first hand because he has been dragged to parties before and has never managed to feel more like an outcast in his life.

He is a gay guy from the funky part of a tough neighborhood. He is used to feeling like the odd one out. That just got him to make other weird friends, but moving closer to college and work, he had to leave them behind. And now, here he is. A grumpy loner.

Talking to Dave was really nice, even though he didn’t say jack shit and basically had to pretend to be a fucking circus mime in order to resemble being interested. It felt like he could be his friend. Like he was really trying to be his friend. He even paid for the coffee. And then he made fun of your smile, which, okay, you smile weird. Partially because you don’t smile much.

Laying in his bed, Karkat looks at the phone. It’s almost at the end of Dave’s shift. He wishes he could talk to him back, instead of being the weird ball of anxiety and funky hand-gesturing he was. But he doesn’t want to be another pineapple customer in Dave’s life. Do people call telesex workers to talk about anything that isn’t sex?

He can talk about sex. In a friendly way. Like, maybe, ask Dave about his… uh… previous experiences. If he’s… had any. How they went. Urgh. He doesn’t want to know that. But maybe he could ask things that he likes.

His shift is ending. Should he call? 

Karkat types the number, but can’t push himself to dial it. His gut feels tight and his head is dizzy. He wants to, but this is such a shitty charade. 

If he can’t do it himself, he’ll leave it to fate. If fate decides they should talk, Karkat will talk. He remembers Serendipity and how two lovers are fated to always meet, and he knows the movie is bullshit, but he really wants to believe it.

He sits on his bed and throws the phone. It kicks on the springs and almost falls off, going down over the edge with the screen turned to the ground. Karkat immediately regrets his life decisions and hates himself a little more. When he grabs the phone, his palm accidentally dials the number.

Karkat hates himself so much. His anxiety spikes. Who the fuck will answer? Maybe he’ll be directed straight to Dave. Maybe he’ll have to bamboozle someone into letting him talk to Dave. He can feel his heart constricting. He hates lying so fucking much.

“Hello this is Dave talking, how may I address you?” This line is practically engraved in the back of Dave’s mind at this point but what can he say? Gotta know who he is working with right? His shift is almost over and he is trying to avoid the entire Rose episode he went through five hours ago. She is totally telling John and Jade isn’t she. Fucking shit on a stick.

It’s Dave, on his first try. Serendipity is real!

“Thank fuck you lost the princess shtick. I definitely look awful on a dress. I tried using a male skirt once. They were surprisingly comfortable. Very airy.”

Karkat just takes the cue. He can't stand being quiet by his side another minute, not when Dave clearly is just as talkative as him on a normal day.

Dave immediately adjusts his posture from the slobbing mess he was on his chair. It couldn’t be...

“Holy shit Sin is that you? And do you mean a quilt?” he shoots back in his shock.

“Wow. You remember me by the voice?" If he can remember the voice of a customer 3 days later, maybe he was right to keep his mouth shut today "I thought I would actually have to jog your memory. And no. You don’t use underwear under a quilt. You do use underwear under a skirt. DON’T ask me how I know that.” Karkat warns remembering an awkward situation where he saw a butt he wasn’t planning or expecting.

“Okay dude no need to panic, I won’t ask about your crossdressing adventures or whatever it is. And of course I know you don’t wear underwear with a quilt, I have the internet at my fingertips you know.” he says and then adds “And how could I forget you dude? You were like the first guy who’s call I had to answer on my very first day. It was, in the least, eventful… so how can I help you this fine evening?”

Karkat stays quiet for a moment, thinking about how to phrase his question. He doesn’t know how to ask what he wants to ask.

“Sin? Are you still with me?”

“Why do you make it sound like I fainted or something?”

>Giving a huff over the headset Dave answers.

“Oh good, he lives! And what’s life without a bit of drama? Just kidding, there was this movie I watched on Wednesday and this line was just stuck in my brain.”

“What was the name of the movie?”

“Oh shit… uh I think it was something called Sky… something? Sorry I don’t remember it. It was a very old, indie movie that apparently someone from my class thought would be funny to tell my professor existed. So there I was, at the ass crack of dawn watching that three hour drama cliche in class.”

He knew Dave was in college as well, but to this point he still doesn’t know what he does “What’s your graduation? I’m doing Literature. I’m going to be unemployed really fast, but if I can punish myself enough to finish writing my fucking novel, I’ll die in peace, thinking I contributed with something to society.”

Sharing a bit of personal information might make him more comfortable sharing daily but private stuff with a client.

“Hey don’t talk shit like that, you’ll manage. You could always come work with me here- I mean uh... Oh. I’m a cinema student. Who will hopefully pull it through the semester now that I have this job. Literature sounds so smart tough, you must need to read a real fucking lot.”

“I do need to read a lot, but I usually don’t. Not the authors they want us to, at least. They’re all fucking old as shit, and as much of a sucker for old romance as I am, it’s not every day I can will my sorry ass out of bed to the closest fucking english dictionary to know what those fucktards meant when they wrote a piece of paper that holds no meaning to this day because it was a problem of hundreds of centuries ago.  _ Thou hasn’t ended thy work of home, student? _ ” he mocks in an affected english accent “No I haven’t. Shove a sock on your mouth and choke.”

Dave can’t fight the laugh that springs out of him at Sin’s Shakesperian impression. “ _ Mine ears can’t possibly fathom the perils of such far-fetched dialogues _ .” he tries his best at his broken Shakespeare. “Except I can because cinema is also that bitch. I share your pain.” 

Karkat feels a blossoming pride in his chest at the sound of Dave’s laughter. “I didn’t get to hear you make that sound last time we talked. Now I’m really glad I called again.”

The blush that, like last call, creeps up his whole face is scorching hot. He didn’t even notice he laughed loud enough for his headset to pick up.

“Sound? No idea what you mean good sir, I am a stone cold sphinx here, all the poker faced greatness and that shit.”

“You’re in luck, then. I’m fucking amazing with riddles. Especially sphinx made ones. The answers are usually words. And if you decide to eat me because I got it wrong, I know you don’t hate me enough to chew. Also, that’s not exactly how I think of that, when I think about being inside of you.”

The amount of  _ smoothness _ in that phrase almost had Dave’s jaw opening. This was it, he’s Dave Strider and he’s having his ass handed to him in this call.

“Wow and here I thought that flirting was my thing in this relationship. Am I perhaps rubbing off on you with all my suave game?” a pause “Wait wait I have one riddle for you smartass, brace yourself.” Dave quickly searches for something like a riddle to tell Sin and comes up with Assassin’s Creed? riddles. That should work. “This thing all things devour: birds, beasts, trees, flowers; gnaws iron, bites steel; grinds hard stones to meal.”

“Say it one more time. I didn’t have paper on me.”

“Hmmm okay but just because you actually sound invested in this. This thing all things devour: birds, beasts, trees, flowers; gnaws iron, bites steel; grinds hard stones to meal.” Dave rereads the riddle at a slower pace, making sure to listen to Sin’s reaction on the other side of the line.

“Huh…” Karkat thinks. It consumes flesh and metal and wood and rock. Nothing alive can consume all that stuff. He thinks he knows the answer, but should he give the right one and prove to Dave that he is smart or the wrong one and let Dave eat him up?

On one hand, he might seduce him or at least befriend him harder. On the other… well… he’s been there and it wasn’t unpleasant. Then he noticed. He doesn't get anything out of it.

“Hey, fuck-sphinks, I already know what happens if I get it wrong, but what do I get if I get it right?” 

“Oh you have a good point there, usually sphinxes guard a passage or something right? So I’d say… What about I give you…”

“What about your private number? Would you give it to me if I got it right?” Bold. Risky. Why is he so stupid? Dave could just come up with a number and give it to him. 

Ok… this was unexpected. What should Dave do? He only talked to this guy *once*! He’s straight! Right? I mean Dave did have a good time while he talked to Sin before but it’s not as if he wishes more of that! He was only doing his job… His mind wanders back to Monday and the pure lust that consumed him on that goddamn bathroom stall after his first chat with Sin. That felt… good. Fuck don’t think too much about it Dave! It’s not like Sin is asking for his number for some fucking sex thing. They’re chatting like normal friends do. That 's it. Just two bros, chatting on a telesex line… Yeah that sounds fucked up.

Before Dave can delve more into his overthinking he knows Sin has spoken about 10 seconds ago and that is again something he can’t let happen. In a spur of the moment decision, Dave answers back with some awkwardness in his tone “Sure then smartass, but if  _ that _ is the case what about a harder riddle? I bet you can handle it. I am in the end breaking work rules for you if you do get it right.”

“What? Is this a videogame now? Do I have to beat the boss 3 times before getting the upgrade? Am I Link and you’re Ganondorf? Do I have to run my sword through you?”

“Jesus man what’s gotten into you today? Innuendo much? Do you want to fuck or not? Damn. Warn a guy nextime, I still have my socks on you know. But if you must be a bitch about it then fine, just answer the damn riddle… Unbelievable, you fucking pulled Zelda on me. The audacity of some people… I swear on fucking ducks man...”

“Don’t fuck a duck. They have diseases. Also. I DON’T KNOW, OKAY? These kinds of things kinda work as foreplay for me. But… If giving me your number is going to get you in trouble, you don’t have to. You don’t have to give me your number even if I get it right, honestly. Even because I know I will.”

“OH- Cocky now huh? Nah man I got myself into this and a Strider keeps his word. It’s fine as long as you don’t publish it into the internet and all the creepy shit you know? I don’t mind though, you sound like a good guy. Chill ok?”

“I just don’t want to make you feel like you’re being coerced. That sucks.”

“Sin, my bro, my man. Chill. Seriously what the fuck is up with you, one moment you’re smoothly flirting and the next you sound like you’re regretting ever walking upon this earth. It 's okay. I don’t mind… oddly, I could say I somehow trust you. With my number that is… uh... so are you going to answer the riddle or did your brain smart so much it fried and you forgot the answer already?”

“Oh no. I’m fucking answering. If just to prove I didn’t throw my sweaty, greasy college money in the trash. Are you ready?”

“I was born ready, baby. Come at me if you dare, I’m a motherfucking starving sphinx that will eat your sorry ass after you fail this.”

“The answer is time.”

There’s about two seconds of silence until Dave can voice his disbelief.

“As that one Harry Potter fic said I quote ‘ _ Merlin’s motherfucking tits on a walking stick _ ’ what the fuck Sin? Did you look this up? Goddamnit. Looks like my Sphinx days are over, such a short career. Truly tragic."

“First. You? You, with the sphinx shtick. You read Harry Potter fanfiction?” 

“That’s on my cousin’s account ok? Don’t you dare judge me before knowing the evils that lurk around her. I swear one day I’ll walk into her house and have Mothman deck me or something.”

“I don’t judge, except I do. Second. Did you look this up? Did you cheat me, Dave? I don’t care if you sweet-talk other men with your silver tongue, but did you look that riddle up?”

“Oh now I am the one on thin fucking ice? Can you blame me? I don’t work well under pressure. I was trying to make you have a nice time.”

“I guess I should let you top next time then.”

After hearing said words Dave’s whole being just freezes for an entire minute. His brain is blue screened with the repeating words of Error 404 popping around. After finally managing to reboot his sinapsis, Dave’s next problem is the feeling of his blood running south at the implication that there would be a next time, it only aggravates his meltdown.

“Sin… I can’t possibly stress this enough. *WARN. A. GUY.* I swear my blood is with vertigo with all the up and down it is doing. Christ on an electric bike…”

“Don’t you owe me something, though?”

“Touché. Do you have a paper on you or something?”

“Yeah,” and then Karkat thinks about something “you won’t mind if I keep calling you here after I have your phone, do you?”

“I guess not? Talking to you sounds a lot more pleasant than a lot of the other calls I get. At this point I’d say you were doing me a favor.” He would in the end, still get paid for said calls so, who is he to stop Sin?

“Fuck. And I thought I was a disgraceful perverted asshole.”

“Believe me when I say that you are faaaaar from the edge of the Weird ™ I get around here on a daily basis. On that tangent, do you believe furries can be vegans? Ah right, my number, note it down smarty. It’s XXX-XXX-XXX” Dave carefully repeats his number into the headset while fiddling with his hair. He hopes he isn’t making a mistake but talking to Sin is something so effortless, he feels like they can go on like that for hours without tiring and a small part of him wants more of that.

“I know I might not have been the person you were waiting for, but I hope I managed to give you some reprieve of all the weirdos and furries and pineapple freaks and whatever.”

“Hah I’d talk to you and play Sphinx all day if I could choose man. You’re good, no worries. My virgin ass thanks you for shielding my not so virgin ears of the perils of the copulating needs of others-”

Wait. Pineapple? He never mentioned it to Sin did he?

As Dave is about to inquire Sin over how he knows about the pineapple details his barely formed train of thought is cut from it’s tracks.

“You don’t have copulating needs?”

This almost makes him snort into the headset, Sin sounds so surprised that Dave feels the need of teasing him out of his worries.

“Curious about me Sin? Maybe I should stock up on riddles, I can’t give you all my personal info in one go right? Otherwise you will think I’m easy~” Dave makes the squeakiest voice he can muster at the end of his phrase.

“Say what, though guy, give me another fucking riddle. And if I get it right, you’ll have to describe your first sexual experience in graphic detail. If I get it wrong, I’ll tell you mine, and die of shame for the rest of the time we remain friends.”

“Oh so we’re in a friendship now? I thought you loooved me~ the betrayal! Ok ok I’m over the drama… uh damn. Uh…” Dave is actually thorn here, does he really want to risk revealing that he is in reality, a goddamn virgin here? In the middle of this wholeass telesex department? He must be losing his mind because his brain's supply is only ‘ _ no need to worry if you come up with a truly hard riddle though _

“Sure smart boy but here’s the thing, I need time to come up with a good riddle, otherwise you will apparently flip your shit on me so give me a moment…” 

Think Dave fucking Strider. _ Think. _

Scraping the bottom of his brain Dave remembers the sleepless nights he spent binge watching Gotham like a true cinema student who actually just wants to procrastinate. Wasn’t there a villain that made good ass riddles? Enigma? Ok you got this Dave, what the fuck did that motherfucker say, just one thing. _ C’mon brain, don’t fail me now _ . And as the light in the end of the tunnel, a riddle comes up in his mind. 

“What's nowhere... but everywhere, except where something... is?“ 

“What’s nowhere but everywhere, except where something is,” Karkat repeats, trying to fixate it in his mind, but also writing it down. He bites his bottom lip, trying to think of a possible solution, but everywhere he turns he comes out empty. Truth is, he doesn’t know. His first time having sex was so awkward, though. 

He tells something to Dave, so he knows he’s still there.

“This one is hard, I’ll admit.”

He thinks a bit harder, but really can’t find the answer. He thinks about cheating, but he remembers he kind of already is, not passing his name and not letting Dave know who he actually is, so he decides against it.

“I don’t know, man. Air?”

Relief floods Dave’s system, that was close. “And you areeee- Alexa roll the drums, wrooong. Phew dodged a bullet there. Do you want to know the answer to the riddle?” 

“Just fucking spill it,” Karkat curses, but it has no bite on it.

“Nothing. I mean the answer is nothing.” Dave speaks softly over the headset with a small smile. Sin sounds frustrated and Dave is filled with a small sense of pride that he came up with something that actually challenged him. 

“Fucking damnit.”

“Hey Sin, you don’t have to actually share if you feel like it’s too much ok? I’m good here, we can talk about something else, like the Emu war or even the fact that mooses are really good swimmers. Did you know hippos can run up to 48 kilometers per hour?” 

“Okay, Dave. You have Animal Planet. I get it. Is that you giving me an out or is that you trying to not know because you just don’t want to know. I know I said in sordid detail, but I can cut it if you don’t want to hear it.”

“That was a lot of ‘ _ know _ ’s in one phrase. But I was just being decent though, you know, giving back the out you gave me uh… how many minutes ago? I don’t even know. Anyways what I am trying to get over to you on that side of the line is, it’s cool. I’m here to help you have a good time. In actually way sexier ways but this is also ok. And you don’t need to go through it if it will make you feel uncomfortable...” 

Karkat can’t help but feel fondness. He does that sort of thing where people start a rivalry for no reason and then they let it escalate a lot, until, sometimes, things end up in sex, but… Even though this is sort of a bickering, it’s not bad or full of machiavellian intentions, or ploys or machinations. And even then, Dave is still trying to make him, the guy with no face, the guy with a fake name, the guy that basically took the virginity of his ears, feel comfortable. He kind of wants to hug him.

“Holy fuck, you’re too cute.”

“Woah woah woah there cowboy, did the riddle mix up your brain? I am absolutely not cute. I am an almighty sphinx at the least and the guy that three days ago sweet talked you into an orgasm remember? Yeah, not cute. No space for cuteness when I’m so busy being the embodiment of awesomeness.” Because Dave did not come all the way from Texas to be called cute in this goddamned situation. 

Karkat laughs at Dave 's blatant deflection.

“This type of denial doesn’t help you make your case, fuckwad. Now I picture your sphinx with the face of a kitty, instead of a lion.”

“Need I remind you sir, that said sphinx just beat your ass? And is about to devour your ass if you don’t spill your defloration tales? Now talk or *perish*.” 

“I doubt you could even put my whole length in your mouth.”

Dave is shocked. What type of roller coaster shit was this? Sin’s words keep spiralling him out of control and he literally isn’t even surprised anymore. Yes, here lies Dave Strider who passed away in a shady job because his poor heart couldn’t handle the curve balls Sin kept throwing at him. 

“Firstly, to quote myself since you apparently didn't get it the first time: WARN . A. GUY. Sin! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? I almost dropped my croissant! And secondly, rude. You underestimate my abilities.” 

Karkat can't help but laugh at the way Dave sounds flustered. He wants more of that.

“More like a boner, because I have no self control, but sure, I’ll live knowing I made your heart skip a beat.” 

Why is Karkat like this? He’s fighting a lost battle. Dave is straight and yet he keeps on digging an entire 6 feet grave for his sorry abused heart. He can't really help it, though. Dave always talks in a monotone. Getting a reaction out of him, and more so, a cute, flustered one, is too priceless. Not to mention, something that apparently only he can reel out of him.

It's selfish. Maybe even dumb, but it makes him feel just that little bit more special.

"On another note, your shift has been over for 20 minutes now, doofus. Why the fuck are you still talking to me? Go get drunk with your college friends or something and stop slaving away like a workaholic."

“What?” A quick glance towards the clock show’s Dave has indeed been working overtime. “Holy shit you’re right. Also, should I be worried you know exactly when I get off?” Dave talks while sorting out his stuff to leave. 

Karkat laughs “You told me you still had another 4 hours to go last time, so I just did the math. I’m not that dumb, you know?”

“Yes yes, I got that with the sphinx solving thing, you’re smart. I got that. Should I bow down to your big ass intellectual brain or something? Also I should actually leave but you have my phone now so why not make use of it? On the ‘ _ get drunk with your college friends or something _ ’ note, I actually still have a long way to my cousin’s creepy ass house. She sort of found out I work here and now I’ve been summoned to her post cult bullshit. Ha. I hope there’s no tentacles this time.” he shakes off the chill that crawls up his spine while he checks everything is in his bag and his computer is only with the call going “So.. should I expect a call from you? I’ll hang up now...” he says while standing in a _ sort of already leaving but still here _ way. 

“If I got your phone it's because I intend to call, dumbass” he pokes with no bite “but maybe not tonight. I have some other shit to do. The dishes are piling up and I can’t just leave that for another human-being to do.” 

“Oh the true wonders of adulting, fear not brave dishwashing sir, your noble sacrifices shall be worth it for there will not be any sort of unwelcome living beings in your humble living quarters. I say that from experience. Never not doing the dishes again… Cockroaches are the least of your worries, did you know that? Anyways ok, hear you sometime, bye- and don’t forget my service evaluation after I hang up ok? I didn’t mention it last time. Nice chat Sin, have a nice weekend.” Why is he taking so long to hang up? What is wrong with him? Dave feels almost like he doesn’t want to hang up, and he is totally blaming it on the dread of having to talk to Rose after she suddenly appeared at his work. He hangs up anyways. 

When Dave hangs up from the call, a voice recording replaces him, asking Karkat about the service. He doesn’t think about it too much, even because he doesn’t want to keep listening to the recording. He presses 5 on his phone and hangs up, only to realize he’s back to being alone in his apartment.

He really needs to do those dishes, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meowtwo: And in comes ROSEEEEE I stan  
> Yes, Dave is a virgin and both Kuroitora-chan and I didn't see that coming  
> Unless??? 0-0  
> Dave is a workaholic for Sin's calls. You can't change our minds


	3. Faceless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meowtwo: Sollux is here and he's an Asshole™ but I love it
> 
> Also just a reminder that the Aradia-red is for Dave bc we think our eyeballs will kill us if Dave-red is all over this thing besides in the Pesterlogs

As the weeks progress, Karkat realizes he made a terrible mistake by getting Dave’s number, because now he has to call or message him soon and his contact info is everywhere. If, for some reason, Dave typed his phone on google, his facebook page, instagram page, linkedin page and any other social media he’s ever used would show up.

But he has Dave’s number, so he just needs another line to keep the ruse going. Or he could take his contact info from all those places…

Nah. He definitely needs to leave it at linkedin or else he’s never finding a better money maker than the shitty job he has now.

He buys a new number, sets up the line in his phone, along with his previous line and decides he’s going to try to use the minimum amount of internet possible in there. But at least now they can talk outside of work.

Karkat learns many things when they talk. He learns Dave never has lunch because he comes straight from college and the food in there is made out of ingredients come straight out of chernobyl. He learns Dave’s favorite and most hated movie genres which are nonsensical comedy and horror, respectively. He learns Dave’s favorite drink to be apple juice, even though he can’t conceive why someone would enjoy diabetes in a bottle.

The more he learns about Dave and his quirky ways, the more Karkat can’t control himself in real life. He began bribing the goth girl that sticks around during lunch so she won't spill he’s been leaving little things on Dave's desk, like a better brand of apple juice then the one from the vending machine, or a burger from Subway made with the exact ingredients Dave told him he’d like, or, sometimes, even a little single chocolate piece.

Between their calls and texts a month entirely flew by. Dave has talked almost everyday with Sin, be it at work or through his personal number. Sin might actually be his closest… incognito friend so far, yet that’s the thing, the more they talk the more Dave feels like he knows who Sin actually is. As if Sin is a puzzle that Dave is slowly putting together, what makes Sin laugh, what are his favorite writers, his passion over romance novels, his absolute distaste over his assholish boss, his love for coffee, how much he enjoys breaking Dave apart in the most romantic ways on their roleplays.

It’s all weirdly sweet and so different from everything Dave’s ever experienced in his life he can’t fight down the urge to be there for Sin, as much as Sin has proven to be there for Dave in his small, untraceable actions.

“Who’s apple juice is this? Jennifer I swear on my wasabi flavored Doritos, if this is poisoned you can say goodbye to my Monster fetching favours-”

“Relax loverboy, whoever gave you this is a decent person. They also bought me my monster. Just enjoy the small things.” She cuts him off with a reassuring tone while sipping her 3rd Monster of the day.

Weird? Maybe. That doesn’t stop Dave from following Jennifer’s advice and enjoying his secret admirer’s apple juice. While he drinks it something in the back of his mind secretly wishes it was a gift from Sin.

“Seriously? This is the third time Jennifer, why can’t you tell us who is Dave’s admirer? Pleeease?” Katie nags their local goth with the most childish tone ever.

“Nope.” she deadpans “I’m a cheap bitch with Monster priorities over you bitches with gossiping addictions, maybe if you actually tried getting to work early you’d spot them.”

“You know Freeda and I have other stuff to do before that~ You’re such an ass” Katie pouts

“That’s too bad, am I right?” is their only answer as Jennifer gives the most shit-eating grin over her Monster. 

Dave has honestly gotten to the point of giving up on getting the answers out of her. Jennifer can be scarier than Rose in a bad mood when there’s Monster involved.

________________________________________________________

Valentine's rolls around. Karkat can’t just leave a whole box of assorted chocolates on Dave’s desk today, or even Goth-girl won’t let it go. 

But maybe he doesn’t have to.

Sin could leave the chocolates to Dave. If Karkat got there and placed the chocolates on his desk under the guise of just having gotten them from the girl from the building’s front desk, no one would be able to track it back to him, but most important, Dave wouldn’t be able to track that back to him.

On the 14th, Karkat gets to work from lunch and leaves the monster on Goth-girl’s desk.

“I know you probably don’t care as long as you keep getting your sugar bombs, and I can’t care enough to open it in advance to check, but this one isn’t mine and if it’s a bomb or a box of snakes or the winning ticket of the lottery, or lets be honest, the most probable option is that it’s chocolates based of what day today is, but regardless of what it is, this one isn’t my doing and I really don’t want it traced back to me. ESPECIALLY if it turns out to be a bomb. I’m just delivering this as a favor to the post guy that delivers shit, because that was the one thing to be delivered today to the entire floor. So, I can’t stress this enough, please, do not tell anyone I’m a nice person who does this kind of shit. I’m a genuine piece of shit and I already can’t take the supervisor off my ass on a normal day, so don’t leave me down now, okay. Here’s your shut-up,” Karkat concludes, giving her the Monster can and leaving the box of chocolates in Dave’s desk before extricating himself out of the office.

He freaks out when he sees Dave walking down the hallway. How come he took this long to leave his present there? And if he goes back, Goth-girl is going to know somethings-up. Maybe if he just covers himself with his hoodie Dave will be able to ignore him. Most people do, why wouldn’t Dave? 

“Kittykat dude, what's up, we haven’t talked in forever right? How is your wisdom teeth less life going? Better I hope, can’t have McAnn’s mascot without their weird ass voice.” Dave salutes Jennifer and Karkat as he walks towards his desk.

There’s a wholeass box on his desk today. Seriously who is leaving this stuff to him? Dave already went through all his stages of paranoia and really, he just wants to know at this point. Fuck if its some weirdass vegan furry, he just needs to know.

“Oh sweet, random package identified. Like, share and subscribe guys for more unboxing content with my handsome self.”

“Oh we’re going there. Do it to the actual camera you coward.” says Katie as she arrives at work, already pulling out her gigantic phone with a glitter phone case that is completely filled with doodled dicks all over it. She’s recording it all.

A true Strider never backs down from a challenge.

Taking a breath Dave gives a small smirk to the camera.

“Welcome to my first unboxing video fellow watchers and appreciators of good looking people. This video is sponsored by your one and only CherryKaty™ who is also our camerawoman today.” he had to say Katies channel, there’s no way he is going down alone in this if she ever dares to post this bullshit.

“I just received this wholeass package, is it a Valentine’s day gift? Nah. To your luck fellow watchers, I am a completely single chill guy in his twenties. What a time to be alive, a true honor right?” He keeps saying while analysing the package.

It looks like a normal delivery, with postal sealing and all that shit.

He starts to unbox whatever mysterious content’s inhabit said box and is surprised by a card laying on top of whatever is wrapped up in those present wrapping papers. A legit postal card, special paper and all that.

Forgetting himself for a moment Dave opens the card to reveal a beautifully typed note:

Happy Valentine’s day, Asshole. 

Hope you can enjoy this assortment of bought up chocolate, because if I tried to make them, I’d risk giving you food poisoning. I also expect you to have consumed the former gifts I left you instead of getting paranoid over the possibility of them being poisoned or something equally shady and creepy, or else they will be absolutely rotten and you would be shitting on my concern.

With lots of appreciation for you and your manufactured smoothness,

-Sin.

He smiles without a thought and can feel a small blush creeping up his cheeks, something that’s turning out pretty recurrent when it's about his mysterious friend. The apple juice, all the food and sweets on his desk, it was Sin all along.

As he is reaching out for his phone in order of texting a thank you for the thought he remembers his surroundings.

“Holy shit are you getting this Katie?!” screeches Jennifer with a maniacal grin. “I thought you actually couldn’t smile like a normal person! Shit just wait until Rose hears about it” she cackles while running back to her desk where she probably left her phone.

So much for a poker face.

And now it’s all going down the drain.

He still can’t bring himself to care. The box is full of all sorts of chocolate and Dave never thought he would enjoy sweets that much. Is that weird? Do friends give each other chocolates on Valentines day? Distracting himself from that trail of thought Dave turns to Katie. He knows she isn’t deleting that, not even under death threats.

“If you promise me- no if you swear on your influencer career that you won’t upload this and send this to anyone under no circumstances, ever. I’ll do that weird ass collaboration video you suggested. Do we have a deal?”

That 's it. He’s selling his soul in exchange of keeping his stoic reputation intact.

“Deal.” Katie answers while beaming. “I’ll send you this along with the details though, just a gentle reminder that you can’t back off now.” she winks and goes over to her desk.

Karkat hears a little commotion in the telesex department but doesn’t have the heart to go in there and see what is going on. His chance to leave unnoticed is running through his fingers the longer he stalls and he can’t miss another 2 hours of class like last time Dave managed to corner him into the coffee machine to talk about some bizzare client or another weird cultist gossip.

Also, there’s only so many lies a man can tell before the truth starts catching up, and he’s running perilously thin on believable stuff to tell Dave to escape a real conversation, as in, with two parties interacting instead of an endless monologue with ridiculous beginnings and barely any type of conclusions.

At class he checks his phone and realizes he didn’t change the chipset, so when he opens it up, there’s a video Dave sent him. Is that what they were being so loud about? Right beneath, there’s a message.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] --

TG: dude

TG: you cant keep sending me stuff like that at my workplace without notice

TG: my stoic facade is in actual danger here

TG: no strider goes about emoting like that you fuck

TG: how many times do i have to quote myself?

TG: warn

TG: a

TG: guy

TG: thanks for the chocolates and all the previous gifts they really made my days better

TG: your concerns were very much appreciated no need to worry about my paranoid ass jennifer convinced me to eat them before you revealed yourself

TG: no food was wasted on my part proud of me?

CG: YES. AS A MATTER OF FACT. YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?

TG: happy valentines day sin if your expecting a cheesy emoji you should know better

TG: talk to you later?

CG: DEFINITELY.

Definitely.

“Wow, look at this guy. Who are you and what did you do to the Karkat that used to sit right here?” Sollux asked, with his unintelligible lisping.

“Shut the fuck up and mind your own business, fuck-o. Why are you even taking this class? Isn’t your graduation something to do with computers or some shit?”

Sollux. One of Karkat’s longest, most infuriating friendships. The one asshole that had to follow him ended up being this asshole, but he won’t look a gift-horse in the mouth, even if it ends up being dead, rotten and all its teeth have either fallen off or are crooked beyond repair.

“Because it’s mandatory. You think I want to be here?”

“You chose your own course, so you have to deal with it, just like every other fucktard in this classroom.”

“Including yourself, stupid.”

"Unfortunately."

“But that face you were making wasn’t the face of an unfortunate soul taking calculus. Who are you talking to?” he says trying to get a glimpse of the one thing that made Karkat give a full on, face splitting smile with all his teeth.

Karkat takes the phone away from him and shouts “NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. MIND YOUR OWN DAMN FUCKING LIFE.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

Karkat tones the protectiveness down. He has been meddlesome in the past even when he knew he shouldn’t have been, and Sollux was there to attest to it, so he can’t really hold it against him.

“I just haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time.”

He puffs a breath of air, throwing his bangs aside and, without taking his eyes from Dave’s chat and the video that plays silently, he can’t help but feel bittersweet.

“That’s because I haven’t had a reason, and the reason that now exists is a lie. It’s a big fat lie that will amount to nothing when it ends, except distrust, disgust, and heartbreak. But it feels good, and I don’t feel like shit all the time, and even though I WILL feel like shit when it’s over, I’ll still have these kinds of memories left.”

Sollux stays quiet for a second, but when he speaks, Karkat doesn't know what he was expecting “If this is how you get when you’re crushing on someone, I get why no one ever wanted to date you.”

Karkat gives him a death-glare with teeth showing and scorn sculpted in his every facial feature.

Dave has a problem.

It was a beautiful Wednesday where his classes were only movie critic related and his classmates were actually decent, as far as a bunch of dead eyed college sleep deprived students can be decent. And he knows their teacher is all about staying up to date with the movies that are going around, especially the indie content, but as his hipster looking middle aged man of a professor rises out of his desk to start class with his assigned movie for the week, dread crawls up his back.

It’s a motherfucking horror movie. The one that looks the actual scary type. No way of joking himself out of it, he can already feel the terror creeping up on him and so without a thought he picks up his phone and types.

TG: fuck me

CG: JUST TELL ME WHERE AND I'LL BE THERE.

TG: i… uh…

TG: thats not what i meant

TG: im trying to vent here dude

CG: OH. MY BAD. PLEASE, CONTINUE.

TG: ok so im in movie critique class and i usually love this

TG: who doesnt enjoy the art of roasting am i right? but back to venting my teacher just assigned us a horror movie i could say i hate that sort of shit but that would be too harsh

TG: and now i need to watch this goddamn aberration by myself because some wacko thought it would be a good idea to write a horror movie plot with fucking puppet serial killer shit aesthetics gross as fuck idea and im not even going into the point of view of the narrative

TG: horror movies suck

TG: thanks for coming to my ted talk *i bow drop the mic and leave the stage*

TG: you still there?

CG: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO ALONE, I COULD GO WITH YOU.

CG: I MEAN, I WON'T SIT BY YOUR SIDE, BECAUSE THEN YOU COULD SEE MY FACE AND SHIT IS SCARIER THAN WHATEVER THE MOVIE CAN IMPRINT IN YOUR BRAIN.

CG: BUT IF I’M THERE, YOU CAN USE ME AS A DISTRACTION.

CG: TRY TO FIND ME IN THE MYRIAD OF PEOPLE THAT ARE GOING IN CASE YOU GET SCARED OR SOMETHING.

TG: are you for real?

CG: I DON'T MIND HORROR MOVIES SO MUCH. I’M A SUCKER FOR ROMANCE COMEDIES, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T STAND TO WATCH ANOTHER GENRE. I'M NOT THAT SHALLOW.

TG: i would appreciate that 

TG: i mean you being there

CG: I COULD USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TRY AND FIND YOU TOO. WITH THE WAY YOU LOOK, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER WHAT THE SCREEN IS GOING TO SHOW.

CG: CALL ME CHEESY AS MUCH AS YOU WANT, BUT EVER SINCE YOU SENT ME THAT VIDEO OF YOU, OPENING THE BOX I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW LUCKY I GOT.

It’s a lie. Blatant and simple. He’s been thinking about Dave ever since he made the mistake of calling that first time, but Dave doesn’t know that.

CG: ALSO, FUCK, YOU HAVE CUTE DIMPLES WHEN YOU SMILE.

CG: THAT WAS A SHOT THROUGH MY HEART. 

CG: YOU BROKE IT DAVE.

CG: YOU BROKE IT WITH YOUR SMILE.

CG: YOU SAY I SHOULD WARN YOU, BUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S BREAKING ME.

TG: woah there cowboy are we doing the flirting here as well? also i dont smile

TG: that totally did not happen ever i was brought into this world with this majestic poker face that since it knew the light if the day never broke

CG: FUCK THAT NOISE. I WANT MORE OF DIMPLE-FACE-FLUSTERED-MESS DAVE.

Dave blushes and fights down the exactly described face in Sin’s text.

TG: back to the movie buddy system

CG: RIGHT. 

CG: THAT.

CG: I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. 

CG: YOU CAN'T FIND ME KNOWING JACK SHIT ABOUT HOW I LOOK, BUT I LOOK LIKE I GOT RUN OVER BY A TRUCK, EVEN THOUGH THAT'S NOT MUCH OF A HELPFUL DESCRIPTION AT ALL. SO ASK ME ONE FEATURE OF MINE, TO KEEP YOU GUESSING.

TG: hey enough of the self depreciating stuff 

TG: ok quasimodo what is your hair like?

CG: FUCK, THAT A HARD ONE TO ACTUALLY DESCRIBE.

CG: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK ME MY EYE COLOR OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

TG: if i want to take my chances at actually succeeding in looking for you i cant ask for your eye color idiot i cant see that in a cinema room

CG: FAIR ENOUGH.

CG: MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A MOP HAD SEX WITH A CROW. IT 'S EVERYWHERE. BUT, LIKE, SHORT.

CG: I HAVE SHORT HAIR.

CG: EVERYWHERE, CROW BLACK, SHORT HAIR.

TG: oh yes

TG: truly terrible as you said im shaking in my boots over yours truly ugliness

TG: ha

TG: that was a joke

TG: if you didnt get it with my ha

CG: WOW. I THOUGHT PART OF BEING STOIC WAS TO NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND ANYTHING FUCKING FUNNY.

TG: that would negate my charms of being the irony king

TG: so i made an exception

CG: WHATEVER.

CG: SO. WHEN IS THIS MOVIE EVEN GOING TO HAPPEN?

TG: im free this friday

CG: WHAT'S THE THEATER AND THE MOVIE?

TG: [sent you a location]

TG: this amazing place

TG: just be careful to not step on any gum or sit in it

TG: the movie name is doomed

TG: i know original

TG: tell that to the screenwriter who came up with it

“Dude, Mark is looking at you, you should probably get out of the phone.”

Dave looks up from his phone right into the eyes of Mark, aka his teacher. He is forever grateful for John going to the same college as him. The guy saved his life more times than Dave can count and is usually the only one up to join Dave on his crazy projects.

“Oh sorry, thanks dude.” he whispers back at John and quickly types his goodbyes.

TG: i should go ttyl

CG: KAY. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] --

The week rolls around and Karkat, true to his word, buys 2 tickets for Doomed, produced by some pretentious screenwriter and asshole-ish director trying to become the next block-buster. What are the odds of this movie becoming the next Primer, anyway? A guy that does everything with the budget of maybe 3 salaries and, suddenly, they are a reference in the movie industry. 

None. Especially with a shitty name like that. Those guys were probably trolling their parents or whoever funded them. Luckly, the tickets are not block-buster-priced or he would be in trouble. End of month and all that.

He stares at himself in the bathroom mirror. Should he actually try?

…

Nope. If he tries to dress up he’s going to look ridiculous and, worse, not conspicuous at all. He doesn’t want Dave to find him. That… would be awkward and he'd probably never talk to him again. He does get a shirt that fits his form a little better, tight around the arms and chest but flow-y in the stomach.

Then he gets his cozy, baggy sweater and wonders why the fuck he ever thought it would be a good idea to care about what you’re wearing underneath a piece of clothing as perfect and comfy as a sweater.

Should he do something about his hair? Dave *is* expecting someone with messy hair.

Finally, he decided against it. Too much effort and no reward. His hair is as untamable as his temper. He’s going straight from college to the movie. He hopes no one wonders anything.

Karkat works through his shift normally, having a much easier time not name-calling kids than usual. Maybe because he’s waiting for something good at the end of the day, but he would be able to pinpoint it. Lunch comes and goes, but when he is about to leave, he leaves the envelope with a movie ticket on Dave's desk.

He doesn’t find the Goth-chic to give her the can of diabetes as it was the previous times, but he leaves it in her desk, and leaves. He leaves the building wishing she’d just return sooner rather than later. That thing will warm up to an even bigger undrinkable state if she takes too long to retrieve it.

Dave’s in a cheerful mood. Not that anyone would be able to tell with his amazing stoic expression. He just got from college to work and spots an envelope at his desk. Inside it there’s a Doomed ticket for tonight in one of the best seats one can possibly buy in the theater.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] --

TG: i thought we would buy the tickets there

TG: its not like many people are watching it

CG: OBVIOUSLY, YOU DIDN'T CHECK THE WEBSITE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

CG: I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET SEATS TOGETHER FOR US EVEN IF I WANTED.

TG: i had more faith in humanity than that…

Hopefully that doesn’t make it too hard to spot Sin in the crowd? But the fact that he knows he’ll be there is already soothing. Having someone who is actually there for you with proof that’s the case is different from anything Dave ever had before moving out and now that he has a job, friends and his own place? He feels slightly inclined and able to give back some of the affection and care Sin showed for him all these past weeks.

That’s what friends do right?

TG: surprisingly im looking forward to tonight

CG: IF YOU CAN BE LOOKING FORWARD TO WATCHING THIS PRETENTIOUS MOVIE I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE BEEN FEEDING YOURSELF.

CG: BECAUSE IT WASN'T ON THE SUBWAY I BOUGHT YOU. I ATE FROM THE SAME PLACE AND I STILL HAVE MY MENTAL FACULTIES IN ORDER.

TG: you know for someone who is always going about how smart you are

TG: you can be very stupid sometimes

TG: im looking forward to it because its the first irl thing were doing together. nothing like our online gaming bullshit

TG: is this friendship

TG: are we evolving into a new level of our ultimate bromance

CG: I THOUGHT YOU LIKED PLAYING VIDEOGAMES WITH ME. NOW I’M OFFENDED. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT?

TG: hey its not my fault you suck at pirate club penguin minigames

CG: CLUB PENGUIN IS STUPID ON ITS OWN RIGHT. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW BAD TO MANIPULATE THE CHARACTER THEY MADE THE GAME. 

TG: hah your just grumpy because we didnt get to buy the matching hats since you failed at getting enough coins in time

CG: THEY HAVE BAD CONTROLLERS!

CG: I AM A GOOD GAMER, FOR FUCK’S SAKES!

TG: whatever you say

TG: we could try our hand at minecraft tho

TG: maybe your amazing gamer skills can shine then

CG: I CAN’T. THIS IS WHY MY CONTROLLERS DON’T LAST, YOU KNOW? MINECRAFT? SERIOUSLY? OR ARE WE PLAYING IT IRONICALLY TO MAKE IT DOMESTIC AND

CG: LIKE

CG: BUILD A FARM OR SOMETHING EQUALLY STUPID THAT COULD BE MUCH BETTER EMULATED BY SIMS?

TG: you read my mind buddy

TG: were going to build a lovely farm and get 4 dogs named bob along with all the other animals you can tame and build the best ironic village ever

CG: SO, BASICALLY, WHAT YOU’RE DESCRIBING IS

CG: YOU WANT TO LIVE THE NEW AMERICAN DREAM WITH ME IN A MINECRAFT WORLD

CG: MY STEVE IS GONNA BE HOME COOKING WITH JUST AN APRON AND THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO SEE PIXELS THAT YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO UNSEE.

TG: is there even a skin like that

TG: also your words not mine

TG: dont go laying on me your minecraftian fantasies im a man of irony here

CG:THERE HAS TO BE. SOMEONE HAS TO HAVE BEEN THIS STUPID BEFORE. I CAN’T BE THE FIRST ONE.

TG: im looking them up right now

TG: [sent you a picture]

TG: is this to your tastes

TG: people can be so creative

CG:REVERSE THAT QUESTION. IF YOUR ANSWER IS YES, I’LL WEAR IT.

TG: ha

TG: im more into a natural look

TG: i would appreciate your pixelated squarish body if you tried it

CG:WHY DON’T WE JUST PLAY RUST, THEN? YOU LITERALLY SPAWN COMPLETELY NAKED.

CG:AND IT’S A SURVIVAL GAME, LIKE MINECRAFT.

CG:BETTER, I’D ARGUE.

TG: sounds kinky

TG: just kidding but i might try that game as long as we arent faced with each others junk walking around no need for more dick in my life katie is already showing me too much

CG: DID YOU EVEN LIKE ANYTHING?

CG:CAUSE IF YOU’RE MORE UNCOMFORTABLE THAN ANYTHING ELSE I CAN’T SAY I SEE YOU BEING MUCH HELP FOR A PERSON WITH AS MANY FOLLOWERS AS SHE HAS.

TG: wait you know her channel what is this are we bounding over dildo content

As Dave is about to type more Jennifer pokes his cheek with a pen.

“Back to work loverboy, you can flirt later” she says sounding way too amused. Was she poking at his chat with Sin over his shoulder?

“Not flirting, this is a very stable, common bromance unfolding in front of your eyes. Flirting is what you do with your girlfriend Jennifer. I thought you had better people skills than that. Sheesh.”

If you asked Dave if he was blushing he would deny it with all the mighty certainty of his life.

Meanwhile Jennifer laughs and goes back to her desk. Longest shift of his life.

Karkat feels a very hard, very pointy elbow hit him in the ribcage.

“OUCH! WHAT the-”

Sollux is looking at him like he wants to kill him, and then he realizes why.

The whole class is staring at him like it’s his fault they are going to get extra homework or something equally as shitty.

“If your phone is more interesting than my class, why do you bother coming?”

“Because I didn’t know your class would be this boring,” he barks back.

The whole class throws more wood to the fire with ooooh woooows and Ouuuchies.

“Leave.” the teacher points.

Karkat hit his head in the hallway wall. Why can’t he bite his tongue once in his life? And Sollux even tried to warn him. Is he going to flunk it? The teacher told him to leave, not to ever come back, though. Is that something teachers can do?

He’d rather not try his luck.

So much for a good day. Everything was going fine and he had to slip and sweep the concrete with his forehead like an asshole.

“KK, you’re in so much trouble. The teacher is really pissed at you. He threatened the entire class after you left.”

“What did he say?”

“He said a lot of shit about you after you left, but then he said he’d make your test harder to make you pay attention.”

“He can’t do that!”

“Are you going to try your luck? Cause I’m taking my ass out of the line. If you go down, you go down alone.”

“Don’t want you to protect me, thanks. The best you could do would be becoming a human shield. Your twigish body would be easier to maneuver.”

“Wow. Thanks asshole.”

“...you tried. Thanks anyway.”

“You were dead to the world. Was that your crush?”

Karkat can feel the warmth spread around his face. He is still frowning hard, partially out of embarrassment and partially not to give Sollux the satisfaction of being right.

“Definitely your crush.”

“Shut uuuuup.”

“Wait. You look less rancid than usual.”

“Asshole.”

“Right back at ya. Are you going on a Date? Is that why you went so brain-dead?”

Karkat bends forward, exasperated, with hands in claws and says a very long and painfully embarrassed “Shut uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!”

“Totally a date.”

“IT'S *NOT* A DATE, OKAY? I WISH!” He sighs, the blush dying off. He pockets his hand, looks at the floor, dejected and reiterates “But it’s not.”

Sollux gives Karkat two pats on the shoulder “That’s rough, buddy.”

Karkat feels his phone vibrate and checks it. Sollux gives him a pitying look.

TG: ok so apparently theres a thing called pegging

TG: did you know that

TG: ive worked on love line for over a month and i never heard of it

“This guy doesn’t know what pegging is? What is he, 12?” Sollux says over Karkat’s shoulder.

“HOLY FUCK, A LITTLE PRIVACY, PLEASE?”

“Karkat, drop the phone.”

“And why in hell would I do that?”

“You’re addicted to this guy. Get a grip.”

“Should I...Like… Let him hang a bit?”

“Definitely.”

It vibrates again.

TG: i had to ask for nanas help over how to lead that call

TG: can you picture it? 

TG: me chatting with this sixty something lady that walks me through a whole ass pegging act to another random girl on the line? im still feeling the shocks of this experience

“What did you say he works as, again?”

He takes the phone away from Sollux again, but deflates from the rant he was about to start. “The telesex” he admits. Defeat dripping off of his voice.

“Wait. The one you work on?”

“I’m not a telesex worker. I work besides a telesex department.”

“Is it the one, KK?”

He doesn’t answer but Sollux knows by the facial expression of ultimate defeat.

“GOD DAMNIT KK! You don’t SHIT where you EAT! Don’t get the honey where you get the money!”

“I knoooooow. I’m a disgrace.”

The phone buzzes again and they both look.

TG: nanas not actually her name but everyone calls her that

TG: shes an adorable looking old lady who is like… very short and has this absurd voice shes one of the first people to work on love line isnt that mind blowing?

“Give him a short, disinterested answer” Sollux advises.

“Like what? I can’t sound fucking disinterested.”

“Tell that to our calculus teacher.”

“Uuuurgh. Alright.”

CG: SURE. MIND BLOWING.

“That good enough?”

“A little too little.”

“Decide what the fuck you want, fucking damnit!”

TG: is that sarcasm?

TG: are you pulling a bitch act sin? 

TG: i request some interest over my fascinating tales of pegging and asmr old ladies voices

TG: i just got through a life changing experience here

Karkat snorts at the phrasing. He pushes Sollux aside with his foot, keeping it extended, so to have some privacy.

CG: SO EVEN THE ROLEPLAYING OF TAKING IT UP THE ASS GOT YOU LIKE THAT? 

“What did you write?”

“None of your business.” 

TG: nah being 100% honest here

TG: no scratch that im too ironic for that

TG: 64% is that an acceptable level of honesty?

CG: THE 69 JOKE WAS RIGHT THERE, MAN. I GUESS YOU’RE NOT IRONIC ENOUGH.

TG: oh im so sorry i was too busy trying to be honest with you

TG: dont mind my confession that your calls are the only ones that really get through me

Karkat’s smile gets wider.

TG: let me remind you that was a 64% honest thing 

TG: sheesh

TG: i can almost read your smugness from here

TG: dont make a big deal out of it

CG: SURE. BUT DON’T COME RUSHING TO GRAB MY HAND WHEN THE MOVIE STARTS TO GET SCARY, THEN. I’LL ONLY BE ABLE TO INVEST 64% OF ME IN EASING YOUR FEARS.

TG: asshole

TG: you are petty enough to throw away all our broship just like that?

TG: the betrayal

TG: is he nice? i hope your next bro isn’t up to sexting with you

CG: NAH. BUT I AM PRETTY PETTY.

CG: AND YOU HAVE ME ON THAT. MY CLOSEST ‘BRO’ AS YOU LIKE TO CALL IT, DEFINITELY WOULDN’T BE DOWN TO SEXTING ME. 

CG: FOR LACK OF ONE HE HAS 2 GIRLFRIENDS.

Karkat gives Sollux a look.

“So?”

“We’re talking about you.”

“Nice things. I expect nothing less.”

“I have nothing nice to say about you, Sollux. Just as much as you have nothing nice to say about me.”

“Asshole.”

“Exactly.”

TG: damn lucky him 

TG: also wow you do have friends

CG: I DON’T CONSIDER HIM MY FRIEND, IF I’M HONEST. 

CG: WE’RE HATE BUDDIES, IN THE BEST CASE SCENARIOS.

CG: I HATE HIM ENOUGH THAT HE HAS TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO LOVE HIMSELF AND VICE-VERSA. 

TG: sounds amusing

TG: id say kinky but that wouldnt be funny right

CG: WE WENT TO THE SAME HIGHSCHOOL. I’VE SEEN HIM NAKED PLENTY OF TIMES.

CG: NEVER FUNNY. ALWAYS SCARY AS SHIT.

CG: BUT IT’S NOT MY SECRET TO TELL WHY.

CG: I’M LEAVING COLLEGE RIGHT NOW TO GO TO THE THEATER. WHERE ARE YOU?

CG: ARE YOU THERE, YET?

TG: sure im just finishing my last call atm

TG: amazed by my multitasking skills yet?

CG: SUCK A DICK WHILE FINGERING SOMEONE AND I WILL.

CG: SEE YOU THERE.

Karkat put the phone down. His cheeks are hurting because he couldn’t stop smiling. Sollux looks worried.

“What?” he asks

“You look stupid.”

“Okay” He doesn’t care.

“Okay?” Sollux asks. Now he really is worried.

“Yeah, asshole. O. Kay.”

TG: see you there ;)

TG: thats an ironic emote if you didnt notice

Dave’s fingers slipped. That was it.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist[CG] --

___________________________________________________________________

Dave couldn’t even admit it to himself but he was a nervous trainwreck. Horror movies always brought up memories of his time with Bro so usually John went with him so they would make jokes throughout all of it and mock the bad acting and terrible camera takes, focusing entirely on taking enough notes to write something useful later. But this time John would be at his grandma’s house and to make things worse today’s movie plot got a lot of things that irked him in an almost panicked state.

He thinks that if he didn’t have the knowledge of Sin being there Dave would probably just find someone’s ticket in the cinema trash to prove his attendance to the teacher and deliver an entirely made up assignment. He’s not wasting his time purposefully bringing back those times. He 's over that.

Walking over the carpeted floors of the theater a small tomboyish girl calls Dave out from behind the popcorn selling counter.

“Oy! Shades dude! You're Dave right?”

“Uh yes. That 's me. Should I know you...” a look at her nametag “Patty?”

“Nah, man. Look, ya boyfriend showed up ahead and paid for your popcorn, will you take it? Butter or not? He also paid for your soda.”

Boyfriend?

“I’m sorry I don’t have a boyfriend? Are you sure that I am the one supposed to get this combo?”

“Oh. I see. But I’m still pretty sure it’s for you. How many white, blond dude’s called Dave wearing shades do you see ‘round here?” she’s already filling up a popcorn package “Butter?”

“Sure?” Dave shrugs still confused, could it be that Sin paid for his popcorn? That was his chance at having more luck picking him out of the crowd.

“Can you describe the man that bought me this? Do you remember anything about him? And I’d like a coke, little ice.”

“Sure man,” she hands him the popcorn and starts on filling a cup with ice and soda. “I didn’t pay that much attention to him, was too focused on remembering who you were ya know? But I remember him having a birdnest of a hair, sort of on the shorter side? I’d say Raven dark hair. Here ya go, come back anytime.” Which is to his frustration, not useful at all.

Holding his popcorn and soda Dave’s determination was restored. Watching this would be a fun experience. He was armed with food and Sin was there for him.

Inside the dimly lit room they were already starting the propaganda with people settled on their respective seats. Dave took his place as he swiped a look at the back seats, if Sin knew who he was he would probably sit in the back to watch over him and the movie right? Or would he seat on the front? Only psychos did that. Unfortunately the room is too dark for his shaded vision and the movie is about to start, as he settles down Dave feels a warmth in the pit of his stomach, he could do this.

Karkat is seated in the back. He got the best seat for Dave, and had to make sure he wouldn’t be obvious. The obvious choice would be to get the seat right behind him, but then he might recognize Karkat and start a conversation and Karkat is out of excuses, so he gets a seat really at the back.

Almost all the chairs are full. He’s surprised so many people would actually bother watching a pretentious movie like this. This would never have even made it to his top 10. He really is here only because Dave wanted him to be. The popcorn they were selling wouldn’t be enough even if he had half his size. At least the lady from the stand didn’t make any questions about him buying Dave’s popcorn. She barely looked at his face, which was super nice.

When the propaganda starts rolling around, Dave enters, and he looks like he actually thought about what he was going to put on. Karkat feels a little ashamed of himself, but remembers the shirt he wore underneath. It’s like he thought about it and decided against it. Even Dave would be able to appreciate this sort of irony.

He can’t look away from him, though. How he stops to check the rows trying to find him. How he gets seated in place, how his head moves just a little, throwing glances around, waiting to find him. 

Why is Karkat such a masochist? So close and, yet, so far apart. This looks more and more like the plot of one of his angsty romances by the minute, he thinks, sighing in resignation.

The movie starts and only then Dave remembers to take out his notepad. After so many assignments he’s not risking being called out for being on the phone, and at this point he’s almost a master at in-the-dark note taking. Munching over some popcorn and discreetly looking around, Dave tries his best to not get too much into the movie.

It starts in an okaish way, the story is told by a haunted looking teenage girl, as she’s shaking and crying with dirt all over her in the middle of the woods. Strange noises around her pale face. So the movie is one of those twisted plots with digression all around, he can appreciate that. Those types of storylines are very difficult to come up with.

As he’s introduced to the father character Dave tries to fight off the irksome vibes he gets from the actors frozen like face, almost as if he can’t blink, ever. It reminds him of puppet-like eyes.

Taking a look around the room Dave adjusts his position and fumbles with this pen, while he listens about the absolute love the father has for his daughter since she can remember him, only him. Fuck her mom is out of the scene huh?

As the movie goes onto the actual horror, Dave watches the terrified actress back away from a deformed chinese doll like thing creeping up in her room. It had human skin and the bile that rises up on Dave’s throat is only shoved back again by his soda.

The girl runs and finds out that- that thing came from her basement and she can't find her dad anywhere. Why not look for him in the damned basement right. No. It’s not a fucking good idea. Don’t go there. It’s dark and there’s no other exits. She’s not even armed-

Of course they would get the trope of oh no! my loved one is stuck in a monster den? I have to get there and save them! out of all the plots they could’ve worked with. Karkat will say that he is impressed by the kid they got to act this whole thing. Whatever much they were paying her, she deserves a lot more. She’s basically dragging the rest of the cast. He takes a look around and sees Dave looking around.

Wow. Still didn’t give up.

Dave takes a deep breath and looks around again, is anyone looking at him? Sin is really here right? Of course he is, he wouldn’t buy him popcorn in person only to leave right?

The girl discovers a bunch of failed experiments looking too much like parts of different living beings along with her mother’s mummified corpse. What would Sin have to say about that? Some sort of weird creepy joke? Or would he awkwardly flirt with Dave to take his mind out of it?

Karkat is certain that they hired the shittiest actors they could find just to save budget for this scene. Haha. He can see one of the mannequins hanging from a wire. He bets Dave will definitely talk about the shitty production to him later. Can’t let anything skip on through.

The monstrosities she finds around look either stunning or wrapped in bizarre ways, as a spiky broken monster chases after the girl Dave brings a trembling hand full of popcorn to his lips. Most of the monsters consist of shitty made CGI, he’s noting it down and not looking at the actual puppets the cast chose to use as a low budget choice. Low budget but way more distasteful for Dave.

Coming up with ways to completely roast the movie with Sin, Dave tries his hardest to not let the scenes with the girl's father get under his skin. His hands itch for his phone.

Karkat can’t help but associate the father of the main character with the supervisor. God, they both look so fucking greasy.

The father wanted to turn his own daughter into a human doll.

As he pounces on his child and tries to drag her (the surgery table?)back to the basement Dave can just remember the feeling of Bro’s grip on him.

Dragging him with his expressionless face into one of his first rooftop battles.

He feels his facial features crack into a grimace. He can’t stay here anymore. There’s no more coke to fixate on and his popcorn has no taste. 

He needs to go somewhere and hide- He’s unarmed, since when did stop carrying around any way of defending himself? Stupid, stupid.

Dave closes his notepad with the screams of the girl in the background.

He doesn’t remember getting out of the theater but he’s already on the street with an iron grip around his bag and half eaten popcorn checking his surroundings.

As Karkat finally gets invested in the plot, he sees Dave rising from his chair, but the way he leaves tells him he’s not going to the bathroom. He’s taking his bag with him. Whatever that is, Karkat told him he’d be here for it. His popcorn is over and his drink lies forgotten behind as he trails Dave out of the theater and into the air of the street.

Fuck. He didn’t think this through. How would he comfort him anyway? If Dave knows he’s there, he’ll see his face. He halfasses a plan as he looks back. The theater is so dingy that the entrance doors are not transparent. They look like bathroom doors. You can’t see behind them.

There’s no one in the lounge, thank fuck, or that would be awkward.

Well… more awkward.

Bro 's not here. He won’t ever be. That’s behind you. He moved out. That was final-

Karkat holds the door open and calls after him.

“DAVE!”

He waits until he starts to turn to close the door. 

He turns around to the cinema’s entrance. He knows that voice. Summoning back his voice and breath Dave lets out a disbelieving:

“Sin? Is that really you?” while slowly approaching the door.

Karkat can hear Dave’s feet stepping on gravel and coming ever closer to the door.

“Yeah… I was gonna check if you’re okay, but then I realized that I’m a dumb idiot that had no plan and this was the best plan I could come up with that didn’t actively involve you, getting your eyes closed. This is not about me though, why did you leave? Are you okay?”

“I… Movie went a little too close to some stuff I thought I had buried.”

“I’m fine.” he can’t even come up with a random tangent to go around this. He’s tired and wants to just go somewhere safe.

“What do you want to do? If you promise to keep your eyes closed, I could walk you to the closest station. By your energy-levels I’m guessing you don’t want to go back to watching that shitty movie.”

“Hah yeah, I think I’m very done with that. I uh… I’m actually not in the mood to be alone right now… is there, is there somewhere else we could go? I promise I won’t look. Just… give me a minute...”

Taking steady breaths Dave checks his surroundings again and closes his eyes at the same time he takes off his shades making sure Sin can see he is indeed not looking.

“Okay, my eyes are closed… can, can you guide me if that’s the case? Would it be creepy if you actually accompanied me home?”

“Sure. My best friend in my old neighborhood was as blind as a mole.”

Karkat opens the door and uses the reflection on his dead phone to make sure Dave’s eyes are closed. They are, but you can never be too careful. So he swipes his hands side to side to make sure. Nothing.

Perfect.

“I’m giving you my arm. It’s right in front of you.”

Dave slowly stands out his arms feeling around until he finds Sin’s hand. Grabbing it and feeling his arm he is confronted with the realness of Sin. He’s right here standing beside him.

“So uhm… What now? Are you up to following my now blind ass home? Are we going all Scent of a Woman on this? Fair warning I’m not a skilled tango dancer”

“You want me to take you all the way home?”

“Is that okay? I honestly talk to you on a daily basis, if you were some sort of psychopath I’d notice.”

“So you’re okay with giving your home address to the guy that likes to give you presents. I don’t mind but had you thought about that?”

“Should I be worried?” he lets a small smile come up his face.

Dave smiles and Karkat is almost melting, but doesn’t say anything. Secretly, he wants it to never go away.

“I hope I don’t regret this while being brutally murdered or something but I trust you? In a weird way… yeah…”

He clears his throat while a small blush comes up his face.

“So yeah uhm my address is XXXX it’s supposedly twenty minutes with the subway.”

That’s not nearly as much time as Karkat would like to have with him. Karkat gives a step forward, setting a pace for Dave to follow. They walk through the gravel parking lot, trying to reach the fence that divides the theater area and the street.

“So. What did you get from this fucked up experience? I’m guessing you’re gonna have to make a report of some fucking kind. I gathered that indie theaters are even cheaper than regular ones. There was not enough popcorn on that sack. I felt scammed out of my money, those assholes need to learn soon that people eat that shit before the movie even fucking begins!”

“Oh my gods that’s totally going on my side notes, no take backs. But yeah it sucks, next Wednesday I’m supposed to turn in a decent looking review and critique on the movie. I didn’t get to pay that much attention on the scenes with the… father but besides that I believe my notes are enough to cover my back and all. On the popcorn note I could probably guess me and my friend John might be at fault here, once we bought a mega sized popcorn and since the movie was a boring drama we ended up throwing a lot of it around in a game of catch. We were banned from that theater for about two weeks and had to take the subway to the other side of the city for our assignments.”

“I got a similar story, but it happened today. I got kicked out of calculus. I still don’t know if my teacher will ever let me in that class again. I hope he does but I wouldn't be surprised if he didn’t. He was treating me like a kid and it made me super angry. Like’ it was straight up infuriating, you know? So I gave him a run for his money and that got me kicked out of class and I hope that, if I flunk, I don’t have to take that class with him next semester. He’s so… full of himself, you know? Entitled as shit. Not everybody is there because they want to be, asshole. I *have* to attend your class, I don’t want to. It’s not even from my grade. Absolut bullshit. That subject is for engineering students. Why do I have to take it? Who planned this? I fucking didn’t. If I had had any say in it, you think my first choice would’ve been calculus? Give me a break, you know? And he’s one of those teachers. The kind that tells you to read the book that he published, because he’s a phd in sucking dick like, why do I care? You probably copied a bunch of people to make this anyway. I bet the only reason you wrote this was to tell someone of the academy off, and now we all have to read it because you had a feud with some other asshole who, like’ probably fucked your ex and you can’t bear to see them together like the cuck you are.”

Breathe, Karkat. You still need to breathe. 

Sin’s voice is soothing and now that Dave has his eyes closed he can completely focus on his passionate venting over his assholish teacher and the feel of his gentle hand around his left arm.

And when Sin spats out the phd comments Dave cracks.

Ducking his face in Sin’s direction he laughs out loud in public for the first time in forever until a flush comes up his face.

“Holy shit.” he gets a better hold of himself. ”I think I could take entire classes over your roasting abilities.”

Dave laughs out loud and It makes his heart feel tight in his chest.

“No matter how we met, that is still the prettiest sound I’ll ever hear out of you” he says earnestly. He can’t have enough of his laughter. It’s open, and free and beautiful, and addicting. 

Dave trips over his own feet and almost falls to his death.

“Holy shit shut up dude. You caught me off guard. This didn’t happen, you hear me? Delete the past two minutes of your memory or I’ll be forced to murder you at my place.”

“I’ll die happy.”

Dave Strider is absolutely not blushing.

He’s plotting the tragic murder of his guide. What would be more practical? Would poisoning be a good choice?

“Do you perhaps have any allergies? Maybe something like peanuts? I have a bag of those at my place. Would you like to try some?”

“Careful with the steps. We’re about to go up a staircase. Do you have your card on you, or are you going to have to buy your ticket?”

Dave blindly fetches his card in the same pocket he stored his shades.

“A true gentleman is always prepared, and that’s not only about having condoms.” 

Karkat snorts. Fair point.

“If that’s how you define the base-line of what it means to be a gentleman you need to reassess your life, Dave. Even because, let’s be honest, you didn’t bring a condom to this place. I doubt that. With all my fucking might, which admitedly is not a lot, but I’ll bet it all.”

“You would be surprised by what lies in the depths of my bag Sin. Dare I say I might even have lube in it.” Dave remembers John and his crazy pranks. Last time Dave emptied his bag there was an entire stash of different flavors of lube.

“Are you propositioning me, or something? Cause if you are, stop pacing around the fucking bush and just say you want to fuck. I’m dumb. I don’t do the whole no you, no you, no you, no you. It’s exhausting and, oftentimes, frustrating for everyone involved. ESPECIALLY if they both want to do it and just fall into it out of some misguided sense of what it means to be decent.”

“Okay okay chill out dude. I’m not saying shit, Jesus.”

“Card swipe to your right.”

Dave swipes the card at what he imagines is the right place and proceeds to walk. He actually managed to get it right. A true skilled man.

“Did you see that? Cuz I sure as hell didn’t but I must know if I’ll die being the only one to know this just happened. Also the lube is some sort of prank John likes to pull on me since he heard about my work at Love Line. He thinks he’s funny which is ironic enough for me to not stop it from happening. Katie enjoyed the free samples of lube though so no lube was wasted.”

Karkat snorts again. The idea that Dave is a sex-worker is not wrong, he just doesn’t qualify as the sex-worker this guy was thinking of.

“If I’m not mistaken I still have food at my place… how long are you going to stay there? Did the popcorn fill you up enough?”

“Popcorn doesn’t count as food. You can’t be full of popcorn, okay? I can always eat more of the stuff. It’s like it becomes air when it reaches my mouth.”

“I’ve thrived under a Doritos and microwaved popcorn diet for my first weeks of living by myself so I can’t agree with you. But I’ll take that as a yes you’re still up to eating. We could order something, my cooking skills are sight required and I bet that’s a no go to you. I’ll pay for it. As exchange for all the money you keep spending on me. I’m a cheap college student, you don’t need to feed me good quality AJ every Tuesday.”

“I like seeing you happy, you idiot. I don’t care about the money. As long as I can pay my bills, my tuition fee and not starve, I’d gladly spend the rest with you or my friends or anything, really. So I don’t mind spending it on you. It feels like I’m kind of cheating, actually. Every time I get you something nice, you give a tiny smile, and I feel acomplished and stupid.”

“Lies and slander. I do not. Is this the moment where you just go: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY? I can’t do that, you will make me feel in debt to you.”

“I take my payment in smiles and laughter, so I can see your dimples again.”

“Can you be more dorkish? I’m reaching my mushy shit quota here. Where do you even get those ideas from? Dimples?”

“I’m addicted to romcoms. The doors are open. Let’s go.”

As they step into the train Dave scrambles to find a change of topic.

“Oh is that so? Even the shitiest ones? Tell me are you a Serendipity fan Sin? Is that your darkest secret yet to be revealed?”

“Don’t you dare talk shit about Serendipity. I forbid you. That movie is a master-piece. The characters are great, the plot is interesting, and we wouldn’t even be here today if it wasn’t because of the grandioseness that is that movie.”

Dave let’s out a tiny snort, not believing his ears.

“Holy shit I was only joking but you sound serious. What the fuck Sin. I thought you were a man of culture. Refined tastes and all that. What do you mean we wouldn’t be here today?”

Oh, fuck. He wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Look, I’m stupid and…” Karkat looks at Dave’s gorgeous face with his eyes closed and his symmetrical proportions and how fair and pretty his skin is “insecure. So I decided that maybe I… shouldn’t call again after the first time we talked, because that was… well… weird. And very personal and intimate and I started thinking that maybe I had made a huge mistake that I was never gonna be able to…” he sighs “to solve. But at the same time, it felt good, and right, and strangely… Okay. But I was still insecure and I decided that-”

Dave grunts a little and adjusts his bag on his shoulders and raises a hand in what sounds like Sin’s face in general direction.

Karkat feels his face burning with shame.

“Sin you can just not answer my questions.” he interrupts the other boy’s pour out. “I’m okay with not knowing, you’re playing guide for me so I don’t see who you are remember? Do you think this would bother me? It’s cool. We can just… have a good time. No need for you to go all anxious over this ok? I’m honestly not trying to figure this out but our… friendship is good. I like that and I don’t mind you not telling me stuff ok? No need to be so insecure. You’re great.”

He catches his breath and in an attempt to clear the air he jokes.

“If you ever tell this to someone I’ll deny it. But you made Dave Strider laugh out loud for the first time he can possibly remember so have some confidence.” he ends his own pour out.

Karkat takes a deep breath, still feeling his face burning like lava, and gets his back straight, lifting him to his full height. His shoulder reaches just a little under Dave’s. He exhales and says “Ok, you win. I’ll try to be less insecure. But you still have to keep your eyes fucking closed for the rest of the trip.

“Deal. Hey, what do your eyes look like?”

“I don’t know. Like someone took a shit and smeared blood in it? So. Brown, but slightly pulled to red?”

“You’re joking right? Are we really red eyed buddies?”

“Nah. You have like’ rubies for irises.” 

“Wait. How do you know that? I never take off my shades in public.”

Oh, fuck! Karkat has seen Dave without his glasses in the bathroom once, but Sin never saw it. He needs to come up with a believable lie.

“That… I caught a glimpse of something red in your face when you sent me that video. At first I thought it was just a camera, but you stay sideways on it when you open the box. So I thought that maybe those were your eyes.” Holy fuck, he’s lying through his teeth, right now. 

“Oh shit are you serious? I need new shades…”

Dave isn’t… bothered by his eyes but he’s heard enough about how creepy they can be and the shades are practical, so why not use them all the time right.

Karkat knows he doesn’t, for more than one reason, but he’s already dug his grave deep enough for one night, so he won’t pry the subject any further. And as tempting as staying for dinner in Dave's apartment might be, both because he’s hungry and because they could spend more time together, Karkat is going to end up putting his foot on his mouth way more often if they spend that much time that close together.

He almost can’t believe how lucky he is as it stands, with Dave right beside him, trusting him this much, having him this close, holding his arm with no reservations. He misses Dave’s touch on him every time he takes his hand back for something or other and feels a flowery feeling in his gut whenever that hand comes back to rest where it was before, like his biceps have a special place for Dave’s hands on them.

It 's silly. Dumb even, but he can’t help how he feels. He loves his laughter and his voice. Loves the faces he makes when he gets flustered and shy. Loves the tranquility that he can see right now on his face.

Oh fuck. Okay. Don’t freak out. He’s just using your shoulder as a headrest. Nothing special. He must be even more tired than Karkat initially thought. If Dave is this tired, he really shouldn’t stay.

The subway announces their stop and Karkat shakes his shoulder.

“Dave, this is your stop.”

Dave doesn’t remember dozing off, maybe staying with his eyes closed plus the small swinging of the trains helped, but as Sin’s small shakes bring him back to a more awake state he stands and pulls Sin along.

“Right. I’m very much awake. Where's the exit my loyal escort? We still have a majestic thai dinner on me. No take backs.”

As Dave pulls him, Karkat can't stop thinking about his sleepy face. Even if he's pretending to be awake, he can see it in the way his features are relaxed.

"You're not even fucking hungry, anymore. Why go through all the effort?"

“Because.” he carefully steps towards what he believes to be the exit.

“I’m a man of my word and I said dinner is on me tonight. C’mon or the doors will close on our asses, now guide me guide. That’s your job, remember?”

"Okay! Fine! Just… beware of the gap. Give a big step now."

Dave gives exactly one big step and falls back in step with him. Then, his treacherous body organizes a coup against his better judgement and his stomach growls. Fucking hell. His face grows warm again. Now he can't say no. 

His mind reminds him that Thai-food is cheap and abundant which gives him some semblance of solace. At least he won't be bleeding Dave's wallet dry.

"We can pay for our own half's" Karkat tries to counter. His stomach might have betrayed him, and he might be running short on money since it's the end of the month, but he is not a fucking princess. He knows Dave will tell him to shut up, and he might even fold if his arguments are compelling enough, but he's stubborn, and not going down without an argument.

"Also, I have a very stupid, sort of pretentious idea that might make us get to your place faster. And before you completely discard it, hear me to the end. Okay. Here it goes. What if we went to your place by piggy-back-riding? I hardly ever lose myself and I'm really hungry now. That also helps dodge idiots in the way and avoids us getting hit by bicycles, skates and other wheeled devices."

“Are you trying to seduce me by displaying your magnificent athletic skills? Is that it dude? Are you a gym addict or something? You didn’t feel buff but now I’m picturing my twink ass being hauled by a gigantic buff man. Hah that would make a very nice looking cursed image.” he’s getting side tracked so without a pause he supplies “I don’t mind but I’m pretty sure a fifteen minutes walk with me on your back is too much. I know I’m not fat but I still weigh a considerable amount and have my college materials with me dude.”

As his body restocks his wasted breath Dave thinks of all the possible ways that piggyback ride can end in the most awkward of physical contact and with a small flush adds “What time is it? I don’t think skates and bicycles would be a thing to worry about this much into the night but I do live near a lot of bars and it’s a Friday night so it might be crowdy closer to home. I can walk faster and if it gets to that we do as you suggested.”

"I am not a gym head. Not in here, nor in hell. And I thought you said your house was a 5 minute walk from the station, not 15! We should order the food right now and get to your place with the delivery guy. This way, at least we won't have to wait on the fucking food."

As he rants his heart away, finally able to spill his thoughts on things for Dave to listen, he guides him across some streets and curbs with the utmost patience. Even then, every few streets or so, Dave missteps or gets the height of the curb wrong, but Karkat always holds him before something worse can happen.

He learns from their bumps, trying to make his instructions more specific.

"3 inches high curb right in front of you," or "stop. There's a guy in a bike coming this way" or even basic stuff "Dave, that's a left, not a right. We're turning right."

He is adamant about Dave making himself more lost than usual just to fuck with him. It makes him crazy, but at the same time, he can't help but be amused by the comedic inaneness of this slapstick act he's living.

“Sin are you fucking with me? This is the third time we almost died being run over by a bike. What 's going on? Also I have my phone but can’t dial it without looking, but if you lend me yours I can order while you walk us through this hellish place. Their number is XXX-XXX-XXX. How do you feel about rice? or are you more of a pasta guy?”

He places their order and as they get to Dave’s apartment entrance a delivery woman pulls up by their side.

“Sup Dave. Ordering in again? Dude I think that if it weren’t for our place you’d die by Doritos OD. Here take it.” It’s Jack, she is always the one who delivers his thai food and always the one to nag him about not eating anything other than delivery and chips. He blindly let’s go of Sin’s arm and reaches out into nothingness. A small package is dropped on his hands.

“Shove it” is his immediate comeback only to be followed by a small “thanks Jack, put that on my tab for the end of the month please? Oh and have a nice shift.”

As he listens to Jack’s grumble an affirmative and the sound of her bike starting he turns his head in the direction he thinks is Sin’s previous position and lifts up their dinner.

“Wanna come in? My keys are just here…” he fishes them out of his pants pocket and offers them to the air.

"Eating on a curb on a Friday night doesn't sound exactly what I'd picture for a-" oh shit " aaaaah wow that guy can really skate" he deflects into fakeness. 

Fuck. He was totally gonna say a date.

“Aw man, I wish I could see that. Can we go in? I need a glass of water. And food...” were Dave’s ears malfunctioning or was Sin about to refer to their hangout as a date? It wasn’t one, they just went to the movies and now are

And now are grabbing a bite at his place.

Fuck it totally sounds like a date.

Karkat takes Dave’s keys from his hand and opens the door to the building. He grabs the take-out so Dave can use his hands to localize where he is. He takes them to the door number written on the keys and opens the door.

It’s… way tidier than he was expecting, even though the wires on the floor make it look like a bird nest. Music equipment. So he mixes. And… uh… dead… things. Is that a scorpion?

The entire apartment screams single. No couch, just a chair. Big screen, so maybe he watches a lot of netflix. Oh. A console. Okay. Karkat’s always been more of a computer-gaming guy, but he can see the appeal. It looks lived in, but truth to his word, the kitchen sink is clean. The walls are littered with movie-posters and… oh god. Is that a Nicolas Cage cardboard-cutout?

He guides Dave to his chair and sits on the floor, digging into the takeout package.

“Before you can make assumptions the Nicolas Cage thing is John’s, idiot forgot it here after he dragged my poor self through an entire convention in the name of that guy.”

“I don’t judge. Except I do. Who in their sane mind likes Nicolas fucking Cage of all the actors you could like?” He gives Dave his box and a set of chopsticks.

“I know. I know. But I guess that’s John for you” he feels the box touch his fingers and takes his food.

Karkat can’t be bothered to be polite at this point in time. He’s spent so much time with Dave already, having so much fun, he just frets the unavoidable time in which the other shoe is going to drop on his head like a Looney Tunes anvil. He needs to finish his food and get the hell out of there before Dave persuades him to spend the night and they end up sleeping in the same bed and then Dave will wake up and see him and know who he is and that he’s been lying to him this whole time and they will never talk again and…breathe. Breathe. 

With the smoothness only a true Strider can have, Dave is able to lead their late dinner talk towards everywhere but why he’s so hung up on not being alone and the fact that this is Sin, sitting right in front of him at his place, the same Sin who moaned his name multiple times as he came on the other side of his calls...

Dave completely ignores the fluttering in his stomach and let’s the warmth of Sin’s voice ground him back to where he is. Safe, at his home with a… friend? That word doesn’t really fit for them and yet it’s the only one he can think of for now.

Before he can come up with anything else to nag Sin with their dinner is over and his faceless guest is standing.

“I need to go home,” he warns, popping his back “but this was fun. We should totally get together again so I can roast even more people. I have a fucking list,” Karkat exaggerates… a little “ and it tends to only grow longer. I’m gonna be 70 and the list of assholes I’ve met will be as long as my ballsack.”

Dave snorts “I really hope that’s not the case, living with a ballsack that long would be the utmost damnation of any living being and sure just text me and we can come up with another blind… meeting here let me accompany you to the door.” he also stands and attentively follows Sin to the door feeling up his way.

He starts to walk out the door, when Dave suggests taking him to the porch. It’s such a stupid idea. More so with him having to stay blinded the whole time, but he will milk this encounter for all it’s worth. They go back to Dave holding his arm, now naked, because at some point he got sweaty and decided to take the sweater off. That food was too warm, still.

“Oh that’s my door” Dave says as he feels the wood with his palms “Just insert the key in, a true gentleman opens his house’s door when a guest is leaving, I’ll accompany you to the porch. Don’t worry I won’t open my eyes until you’ve had the time to turn around the corner. Elevator please?” He offers his arm to the air again and finds a now sleeveless arm to hold. Sin’s skin is warm and Dave unintentionally leans in a bit more into his space.

Downstairs the night is a bit chilly now that they had warmed up inside Dave’s place. “Sooo. This is it. Nice meeting you in person dude. I can’t believe you would go along with my weird ways of the cinema world and thai food.” He still doesn’t want to be alone, but there’s college work to do and Sin has already done more than what they agreed on doing.

“Text me when you get home ok?”

“Y- yeah,” ooooh no. This is exactly like that Hitch scene. Karkat can’t stop thinking about how he absolutely fits the description of the guy that is crushing over someone way out of their league. He really thinks he should do it. Dave’s hands in his arm are all that’s keeping him from just… floating away into the stratosphere and dying out of oxygen.

He feels his anxiety over the choice kicking in.

“Dave, did you mean what you said?”

“About what? You’ll have to be more specific than that. If you didn’t notice I talk as much as I am awesome.” he says while turning to face Sin with his eyes still closed.

Karkat rolls his eyes, “About the subway thing. The being more confident thing.”

“Yup. I did. One hundred percent.” he answers swinging back and forth on his feet reluctantly letting go of Sin’s arm and shoving his hands in his pockets.

Karkat holds Dave in place by his biceps and looks him dead in the face “I’m pretty confident I’m about to do something stupid.” 

“What do you mean stu-”

Dave doesn’t get to finish his sentence. Before he could, Karkat gave him a hushed, scared and fervorous kiss. He can be pushed away, shoved, shut down forever. This might be the biggest mistake of his life.

Dave’s first reaction is cramping up followed by an almost immediate grabbing move Bro beat into his body. He didn’t even need to open his eyes. He grabs the arms around him, breaks them apart and as he is about to slam Sin against the porch entryway Dave remembers who is this and stops himself.

“Holy shit. Fuck sorry I- fuck did I hurt you?” he frets over Sin and tries to poke him a bit in an attempt at checking his physical state.

Karkat can’t answer him. This guy just flunked whatever oxygen he had left on his lungs to the sun. His lower jaw is wobbly, because he can’t decide if he should cry now in fear or later in shame.

“Sin? Please tell me if I hurt you. Holy fuck I haven’t done this in a while. I’m so sorry I just” he tries to get even closer to Sin “I have these moments where my body just moves and I only think later-”

Karkat grabs Dave’s hands in him and pries them off “Fuck it. I don’t know what I was expecting anyway, this might as well be it. I’m sorry. Look on the bright side,” he says with venom is his voice “isn’t this perfect irony material? They do say you kiss your homies goodnight.”

Dave’s heart almost stops and drops to his stomach, he takes a step back trying to give Sin some space so that he doesn’t feel cornered. What does he even do in this type of situation? He can’t even process what just happened- why would Sin suddenly kiss him? What is this feeling brimming inside of his chest as he hears the venom in Sin’s voice. He never heard him sound like that…

“Look I-” he swallows down the waves of anxious panic crashing over him

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Dave. I’m just an idiot. I’m sorry you ended up drowned in my self-absorbed shit.”

“That’s not- That’s not it okay? I… What is this? What does that even mean?!”

Dave can’t care less for his stoic persona right now. He’s so confused and he wants to just-

Karkat has never hated himself as much as he does right now. Of course Dave wouldn’t even consider it. Who could? He’s a liar and a schemer. He didn’t even engineer the movie to go like it did, but inside his head he made it into this sick, stupid, lovestruck fantasy because he was happy.

That’s why he can’t be happy. He stops seeing things as they are.

Dave isn’t interested. He never has been. This wasn’t a date. It was barely a hangout, what with him sitting so far away from any place they could interact. For a moment or two, Dave made him feel seen. Feel special. But that wasn’t because he actually was special, It was just because Dave was a nice person and Karkat just...wasn’t.

For once, he decides to face the harsh reality for what it actually is.

“Nothing. It means nothing. I tried something. It failed. And it doesn’t hold any sort of deeper meaning.” Except for the meaning he was attributing to it but that, ultimately, was never there in the first place.

“Oh… I see…” Dave somehow feels disappointed by Sin’s answer but that makes no sense at all. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like- why do i feel like I’m losing something so important and precious? And then and there it sinks in.

He’s scared of losing Sin.

”You’re really not hurt right? I- I better go. Do text me when you get home…”

“Talk to you later?” he tries to not sound afraid of the answer.

“Sure” Karkat replies in a dead, emotionless voice. 

It sounded wrong, even to him.

Dave tries his best to give a side smile before turning his back to Sin and, with his eyes still closed, slowly makes his way inside.

Dave falls asleep with his phone in hand.

Sin didn't text him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meowtwo: Caaan you feel the angst toniiight?


	4. Voicemail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That moment where Meowtwo projects their gay panic on Dave boy.  
> Pray for Kuroitora-chan! She is showing covid who's boss now but still! Stay safe fam

A week drags by and Dave hasn’t heard as much as a hi from Sin. He’s back to his paranoid self, always looking over his shoulder and he’s stopped eating lunch again.  
His coworkers start asking why he seems always on edge, to which his only answer is a small shrug. It’s not like he can help it. It's like a switch flipped back on inside his mind, rebooting all his freaky thoughts. He feels like punching himself.  


It’s Friday again and Dave has just gotten out of work. He’s washing his face in the bathroom and when he looks at himself in the mirror his blood runs cold. He looks terrible. Miserable in the worst possible ways after a week of barely slept nights and bad eating habits.  


Staring at his reflection Dave makes a painfully needed decision. He is not letting himself be washed down the drain just like _him_. He refuses to even resemble _him_ in the slightest. Get your shit together Dave Strider or else you’ll have to get _her_ on the case and this is not a motherfucking drill.  
His reflection blinks at him, looking like he got run over by a truck but not in a good way.  
That’s it, he needs assistance.  


* * *

Dave storms into Rose’s place without a care in the world.  


“We need to talk.”  


“And what made you think such an exasperating thought?” she quips back without as much as looking up from her dubbed necronomicon.  


“I don’t think I told you this but I made this. Friend. About a month and a half ago his name is Sin and- uh I mean I guess that's his pseudonym to be true."  
He starts pacing around the room talking nonstop while Rose slowly flips to the next page of her book. She still hasn't looked up but Dave doesn't notice it from how caught up he is in his crashing-and-burning thoughts.  


"We actually met during my first day on Love Line through one of the calls. He was the first guy I talked to there and now that I think about it I realize how fucking batshit insane this sounds right now. Me. Dave. Motherfucking Strider. Getting invested over another dude's existence. Can you imagine that?  


Which honestly doesn't make any sense, I'm a straight man. Very much not on the homosexual side of the force and Sin is- not straight, yeah but see? It doesn't work. Straight as a ruler here.  
But here's the thing Rose. Hear me out.” 

He points at her before turning back to his crazed monologue.  


“Today, as in the last ten minutes before I got here, I just realized, I'm not just invested in this dude's existence, I sort of care about that dumbass... more than I imagined?" He means a lot but can't bring himself to say it.  


“Uhum,” she adds, just so to pretend she’s listening to which Dave is only spurred on further into his brainstorm.  


"And the more I think about how I simply can't stop thinking about him the more I realize. I might have-  
I might have feelings for him.  
Weird. Fluttery feelings mixed with complete fondness over his idiotic ways.  
But not in a-  
Not in a gay way cuz  
That's not-  
Not an option."  


He catches his breath and unpacks more of his confused thoughts while loudly stating what happened last friday night towards the floor.  


“But now I realize we have talked almost everyday since all this shit started. I gave him my personal number, that’s how we talked.  
I know. Dumbest move I could possibly pull there-  
He IS a nice and decent guy. Roleplays aside, our talks were completely normal and friendly and, did I mention his voice sounds really nice?  
I wish I could tell you more about him but I still don’t even know what he looks like and- and last night we went to watch Doomed because John wouldn’t be able to do it with me. He paid for my stuff. All of it.  
And we weren’t sitting beside each other but he said he would be in the same room which was so fucking nice of him? You get why so I am not going there today.  
The movie freaked me out and I had to leave before it ended but he was there for me and he didn’t want me to see his face so I had my shades off and my eyes closed as he..." 

"He walked me home and we got food at my place and everything was fine. Actually scratch that, everything was great.  
Until he was about to leave and-"

"He kissed me Rose!"  


"He kissed me and my first reaction was blindly shoving him up against the porch walls! What is wrong with me? I thought this was behind me you know?  
And after all that I ask him what that meant and get back a Nothing. It meant nothing? Do bros kiss each other just because? Is that it? Because he hasn’t texted or called me since and-”  


As Dave is about to get more in depth over his afflictions a suppressed laugh catches his attention. He turns around so fast it almost gives him whiplash.  


Sitting on the sofa next to Rose's own loveseat is Jennifer now, completely failing to hold back her laugh.  


Fuck.  


Dave is frozen in place gaping like a fish at Jennifer’s figure as if fishing for what he could possibly say after he just poured out his mind and heart in front of her.  


"Has it come to your attention, at any point in time, that whilst it is truly remarkable you've been able to keep yourself quiet for this long, he might, perhaps, be expecting you to engage him in a conversational endeavour?" is Rose’s only contribution to Dave’s established panic over the presence of his coworker who allegedly just witnessed an S Ranked emotional moment from him. The same coworker who knows Sin’s true identity.  


“For someone so proud of his acute perception, I cannot stress enough how dense you sound.”  
Dave is at a lack of words.  


“Are you serious? That’s all you both have to say from all this?”  


“Oh, no. God forbid I spoke in Jennifer’s stead. I speak only for myself. Now, do you want me to guide you through the myriad of bullshit I’ve just witnessed, or would you rather have me give you a cut and clean, technical explanation of the happenstances of your titillating narrative?”  


Dave would be offended if he wasn’t so tired. He already stepped into the devils lair, why not dance with it for a bit. Looking around he spots a free couch on the room right beside the girls' settled seats. He drags his feet towards it and flops down on it’s purple surface laying down while facing up the ceiling.  


“Do whatever, I don’t care anymore.” he grunts back while rubbing his face under his shades.  


“Since that is how you feel, I’ll make this brief. You were disturbing my reading after all,” she says closing the necronomicon and putting it aside.  


“You should make notes Rose, Dave boy sounds like he will need it.” interjects Jennifer who stood up and is now pouring herself a glass of whine. “Want a bit?” she offers her goth colleague.  


Rose declines the sweet offering and draws a breath with a cocky smirk in her black lips “I know you’re in denial, and have been for quite some time, about the blatant nature of your homosexuality. But since you’re not here to talk about you, but rather about a third party, I’d say he noticed exactly that characteristic trait in your charming self.  
He, himself, unlike you, seems to have come to terms with his inclinations, and is obviously pursuing you as a romantic partner, as portrayed by the whole progression of the affair. One can and should engage in hung-outs with his friends, but the way the hang-out was orchestrated demonstrated an obvious interest on your friend’s part.  
Moreover, when he tried to make his intentions known, you basically spat in his face. Not literally, of course, since that would not match your character description. Spitting in people’s faces doesn’t qualify as cool or aloof, but your flagrant display of violence established, rather strongly, pun not intended, that you despised said demonstration, marking your boundaries in a very troglodytic way.  


It’s not surprising he doesn’t want to talk to you.  


You scared him off, Dave. Because you couldn’t cope with the very real, very plausible idea that you deserve affection.”  


Dave sits back on the sofa during Rose’s analysis and glares at his cousin's unamused face during its entirety. If he actually captured what Rose is trying to tell him, that means...  


“Did you just take forty minutes to tell me I’m gay for this guy and that I should apologize?”  


“I did say I was going to be brief, didn’t I?”  


“Right” because 40 minutes is brief in Rose’s head.  


Dave stands up, looks at Jennifer’s smug face and back at Rose’s still unamused look before heading for the door. He had a lot to think about and a call to make. Reaching the entrance he turns back to the both of them  


“I uh… Thanks for the chat. I should go now… See you around Rose and... Jennifer? I’ll buy you three Monsters for the next week if you keep this between us.”  


His confirmation comes from a maniac shout of “DEAL MOTHERFUCKER NOW GO GET YOUR BOY” followed by cackling laughter.  


As Dave’s leaving Rose’s place he can’t help but wonder  


Did he just have a gay panic in front of two very much lesbian goths?  


* * *

The days blend in. Sollux is the only person keeping Karkat sane. He thinks the Goth-chick from work might be staring at him too much lately and it makes him super self-conscious. He knows he looks like shit but he never thought it would be enough for her to notice. He always looks like shit at work, anyway.

Though maybe he’s been more depressed than usual. Even his supervisor came along to ask if he was okay. He shoved him out, as he usually did when he came by to question him about anything that wasn’t related to his work, but he doesn’t remember ever having seen him show any sign of worry before.

He says he’s okay to any that might ask. He is not okay. He was never okay, but now, more than ever, he is as far away from okay as he could be without being dead.

“KK, you’re moping,” Sollux warns him while they pack their things from calculus “quit it. It’s gross to see you this sad.”

“Mark this flea, and mark in this/ How little that which thou deniest me is/ It sucked me first, and now sucks thee/ and in this flee our two bloods mingled be”

“Oh shit, he has gone metaphysical. This is serious, isn’t it?”

“Thou know’st that this cannot be said/ A sin, nor shame, nor loss of maidenhead/ Yet this enjoys before it woo/ And pampered swells with one blood made of two/ And this, alas, is more than we would do.”

Sollux grabs him by the collar.

“Snap out of it! You’re quoting John Donne! Why do you even know the stanzas from The Flea?”

“Thy plea comes short in deaf ears. Also, fuck you. You were there when I had to perform this shit in high school.”

“Oh! So you do speak english.”

“John Donne is english! In its primest form!”

“Karkat, he was butt hurt because she didn’t want to fuck him.”

“Shut up!” he interjects before pushing him off.

Sollux connects the dots “Did you guys bone?”

Karkat looks appalled and feels his face getting warmer “NO! AND EVEN IF IT WAS THE CASE, IT’D BE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, ASSHOLE!”

When he feels his flusteredness wither, he realizes how dumb Sollux’s question actually is.

“Why would I be moping if I had managed to have sex? I know you have some major case of brain-damage, but even then that doesn’t make any sense.”

Sollux shrugs “I’ve always imagined you to be the kind of guy to cry after sex.”

“WHY?”

“Because you’re overly sensitive about everything. Especially intimate stuff.”

“I’m not sensi*tive*, I’m sensi*ble*.”

Sollux gives a sarcastic sequence of giggles “Oh. I know.”

“NOT LIKE THAT! I *meant* I’m volatile, and even so, I’m still way more reliable than most of our so called friends.”

“We’re friends with assholes, KK. That’s not a high bar.”

“Which makes us assholes by default,” he realizes, going back to his moping spirit.

“Who hurt you? I’m the only one that can hate you. Who would make you hate yourself this much?”

“My brain. Stupid, idiotic and self-absorbed.”

“Not to mention cowardly, assholish-”

“Yeah. Thanks for the input.”

“You know that’s not how we play this game.”

He sighs. He knows.

“Fuck off.”

“There he is. No one can hate you more than I do. Not even yourself.”

“You’re fighting a lost battle.”

“Oh. So you don’t hate me the most anymore? I am free! Karkat Vantas will no longer have a tool on my manic rants or self-deprecating sprees!”

“OKAY. I GET IT. Oh my god, you’re insufferable. I hate you. I hate you more than I hate myself. And I hate it when you’re right, but you can’t hate me more than I hate myself RIGHT NOW because I screwed up major league, Sollux.”

“What did you do this time?”

Karkat bonks his head on the table and whispers something unintelligible.

“What? Never thought I’d say that but speak up KK.”

He turns his head sideways “I kissed him, and it wasn’t reciprocated.”

Sollux can’t hold the hiss of sympathy that comes out of him.

“And then I ghosted him for this entire week. Even at work. I’ve been doing minimum quota and foregoing any possible bonuses just so I can leave earlier and not risk the chance of having to look at him.”

“I told you not to shit where you eat. And you already knew this was gonna end in heartbreak.”

“I just didn’t expect it to be sooner rather than later.”

They stay quiet for a moment before Sollux realizes something “You didn’t tell him you were sorry, did you?”

“I did worse.”

“KK… what did you do?” Sollux is concerned.

“I told him it meant nothing and that- that it was...ironic.”

Sollux 's jaw drops.

“That’s such a player move.”

“I hate myself so much.”

“Do you actually like this guy?”

“YES. IT WAS A DESPERATE MEASURE. I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP BEING FRIENDS, BUT I GUESS I’M PAST *THAT* NOW. I HAVEN’T TEXTED OR CALLED IN A WEEK AND THE LONGER IT GOES THE AWKWARDER IT GETS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE! I CAN’T CALL *OR* TEXT HIM! WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA SAY?”

Karkat bonks his head back at the table in a desperate attempt to give himself amnesia by contusion damage. He really just wishes he could forget this whole thing happened and go back to being pen-pals who work together and occasionally have really good and weirdly intimate phone-sex.

“You could start by saying you’re sorry for ghosting him?”

“Hah! And then what?”

“I don’t know, KK. I don’t have to do your emotional heavy-lifting. I just have to hate you-  
“more than you hate yourself” they say together.

Karkat gives him an eye-roll and shows him the finger. Sollux threatens to bite it off and he pulls it away fast.

* * *

Dave is at his house pacing in front of Nicolas Cage.  


He can feel his sanity depleting by each step he takes and glance he gives to the damn cardboard that is, at the moment, giving him judgmental vibes in the most uncomfortable and out-of-his-mind ways.  


“I’m going insane here. Stop giving me that look. I just got my allegedly gay ass handed back to me by my very much lesbian coworker and my cousin. You have no right to judge my internal turmoil" pacing, he flips the paper actor off and heads to his room. One can pace in peace in his own bedroom.  


He’s come to a stand off between what Rose and Jennifer shoved in his face and his former assumed heterosexuality. Was this really it? Was Dave gay all along and he just never realized that because he always assumed that he was straight?  


And then there was Sin. Snarky, considerate and sexy voiced Sin who, somehow, dug all of this shit up for Dave to sort out and then just ghosted him, leaving the rainbows and fluttering feelings on Dave’s lap as if that was now his turn to choose between making a move or not. At least that is what he gathered from Rose’s summed up analysis. He misses their... whatever they were having between them.  


One can and should engage in hung-outs with his friends, but the way the hang-out was orchestrated demonstrated an obvious interest on your friend’s part.  


He replays Rose’s words in his mind thinking about every single detail of their interactions that Friday night and starts going back further down the memory lane. The memories of Sin’s snorts, his passionate roasting, the weird flirtatious comments and his concern for Dave’s well being come back to him with pure fondness and care and… is this love?  


Dave stops his pacing in his bedroom.  


“No way” he states to his pile of records.  


That’s not a thing is it? He doesn’t even know that man's face and real name!  


And that’s beside the fact that apparently Dave *isn’t* fucking straight.  


Straight as a fucking circle apparently.  


Gay as fuck.  


Yes Homo.  


Straight Not.  


Straightn’t? 

Shaking off his philosophical musings over the fact that he can’t deny the, as Rose put it ‘blatant nature of his homosexuality’, Dave pulls out his phone and dials a number that at this point he could recite backwards.  


Is it weird to crush on someone if you don't even know what they look like?  


Before spiralling on another overthinking episode he brings his phone to his ear and waits.  


It rings and rings  


And goes to voicemail.  


In a majestic show of just not caring anymore and wanting to go back to talking to Sin, Dave makes the last minute decision of just fucking saying whatever comes to him. Just like old times and all that shit.  


“Hey Sin, are you still alive or something? You never texted me if you did get home hah. But I guess that was expected with me going all ninja moves on you. Sorry about that, again. Wasn’t really what I intended to do and the more I think about it the more I feel like you deserve a judo flip Dave pass so we can make things even between us.  
I uh… I went surprisingly well over the Doomed assignment. Guess you being there worked for long enough so I got to watch and note down everything that was of relevance. Thanks for that, I think I’d just give up on that work if you hadn’t offered.  


So uhm, work has been very boring without your calls around… Even Jennifer sounds more drowsy than usual. It seems like your Monster agreement was the only thing keeping her awake… yeah”  


_What is he even doing? The guy probably thinks Dave is some asshole. An asshole who almost punched him after being kissed by him. Shit, he probably thinks he's a homophobe or something like that?_   


Dave needs to make this right, maybe by coming out he can settle the ground for a restart? He goes back to talking after taking a big inhale.  


“Ok so, I have big news for you, are you ready for another riddle? Here it comes, this is freestyle so forgive my lack of Shakespeare:  


This is where I was, but now am out  


It’s a place you find at home, but usually don’t think about  


It is where items can be stored, so your bedroom is not a mess  


You can hang up your stuff in there, like shirts, jackets or a dress  


Where was I?”  


He just freestyled a coming out of the closet riddle for his supposedly gay crush. Dave Strider is either an idiot or a genius and he is very much afraid of it being only the former.  


“Okay that was me being a sphinx for the day, bye.”  


He hangs up before he changes his mind and comes up with a ridiculous thing like Ha gottcha.  


He looks around his bedroom and remembers there’s college work to do.  


He hopes he at least understands that he's sorry.  


* * *

It's monday again. Work is a thing that just… happens. When he leaves through the door and sees the empty room that holds the Telesex department he can't help but look at the place where Dave usually seats.

It 's empty. Everywhere he looks, he finds emptiness. It's like life is trying to mimic his emotional state. He's leaving during lunch time, again, and like the previous days, he's not hungry enough to bother leaving his stuff behind to go somewhere.

He looks towards another seat, and thinks about the silver-linings. At least now that he's out of Dave's life, his bank account will stop suffering depletion from buying someone's sugary bribe.

In stark contrast with the office, his classes seem to mock his spirit. The teacher is making a recap on naturalism and realism. How authors of those movements were brash and righteous over the crucifixion of immoral behavior. Describing with irony and humor how those practices were wrong.

Ridendo castigat mores. Laughter shall punish the moral. Maybe that's why he always feels like a joke.

She keeps going, showing how the authors compare human intercourse with animal intercourse and then making a comparison on how romantic authors wrote it.

No wonder Karkat feels like a joke. He acts like a naturalist and thinks like a romantic. He should start thinking like he acts.

Maybe then, he’d stop pretending he can be happy with no consequence.

At home he starts to wonder if he ate dinner. His body demands food, but his stomach gets a bitchy attitude and nothing seems good enough.

Suddenly his phone starts ringing and he groans peevishly. It’s probably Sollux asking him to bust his ass out of some stupid social event he decided to attend for a, probably, very innane reason.

He drops his bag on the couch and pics it up.

Karkat freezes when he sees the number vibrating in his hand.

Why… Why would he… Oh god, maybe he’s more pissed at him than Karkat initially thought. Or maybe he just wants to know he’s still alive. Karkat can’t browse through the possibilities fast enough. He just keeps watching the phone ring, anxiety building up in the pit of his stomach.

He needs to answer.

He can’t answer this call! What would he even say?

His thumb hovers over the button, but before he can will himself to slide the lock to green, the call ends, sending Dave straight to voicemail. As the line records the message, Karkat hears Dave’s voice, live, on the other side.

Did he just… come out with a riddle? Karkat can’t help but snort at how stupid that is. But it also brings him hope and some sort of fondness that the sphinx thing is still their thing.

He really wants to answer. Wants to call back and keep listening to his voice. He thought it was all over but Dave still wants to be friends.

Karkat has to make it up to him, so he begins brainstorming ideas on what he could give or do for Dave. He needs to show him he still cares.

They met through his work, which makes it something meaningful for their relationship, so maybe he could try to play by that perspective.

Dave spends his whole shift giving people pleasure and making their wills. Has anyone ever done that to him? Made his wills and wishes true? They had phone-sex before but Dave is always professional about it. Always makes it about the client.

He has a half-assed idea, but he’s not sure. Last time he acted on a half-assed idea he stumbled ass-backwards in this infuriating pit of worthlessness.

But it’s not like him and Dave haven’t done this before. This is still phone-sex, just with a cute bonus. And if he doesn’t want to do it, he could not do it.

* * *

It's been two days since he left Sin a voicemail and his hopes of at least tangling back their bromance are dwindling. He did what he could right? Should he call again? Maybe try texting him and-  


As he's walking past the reception hall to get to work, Leonard calls him from the other side of his receptionist balcony.  


"Dave! There's a package for you." He smiles politely and hands him a box along with some stuff he's supposed to sign. "It looks like a gift, is it your birthday?"  


"Nah dude, and also who would mail my birthday gift to my workplace? Anyways here you go, all signed, I’ll take this up with me, see you Leonard.”  


Sitting by his desk Dave looks over the mailed package that’s wrapped in gift paper and starts tearing it open before his coworkers can notice and pester him about it revealing a… toy box? Did someone just mail him a... plush bunny for real?  


He's analyzing the propaganda written on the box and the plushie itself when his hands feel something else taped at the back of the box, it's a typed letter. He carefully removes the tape and starts reading it

It is I, the asshole who ghosted you for a week and pretended to be dead.

I'm not dead.

And I'm also sorry I did that.

I got your voicemail. I thought you were never going to want to see hear from me again, so I was trying to make myself scarce.

I'm still surprised you would.

And don't think I don't know the answer to your riddle. I'm just not deigning myself to say it aloud.

That was ridiculous, by the way. I laughed out loud, but... I was also really happy to hear it.

My back is fine, in case you were wondering. I can even crouch to get things on the floor again.

And you thought I was trying to show my physical prowess off. THAT is ironic seeing as you can flip a fully grown man into the pavement with both your eyes closed.

If my back wasn't crying, that would have been, hands down, I'm being totally serious here, extremely sexy. Painfully arounsing. Lascivious enough to make a cherubim cry for not having genitals.

Truth be told, time went by and the more it escaped my grasp the weirder I thought it would be to try to reach you because I'm an asshole and a coward.

Since I'm still a coward, I'm buying my way back into your life with this. I don't need to explain it. The instructions are on the box. And it was either this one or the one for watching newborns and I think that would imply way worse things.

It was an executive decision.

Call you later.

Thine asshole.

Dave Strider is back in the game bitches. He snorts at Sin’s confession that his ‘physical prowess’ would be attractive in another context and is about to read the mentioned instructions on his bunny when Katie enters their sector and lets out an ear splitting screech  


“IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS? DAVE BABY WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO? I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T BANG!”  


He does his uttermost to not jump from his chair and simply looks at Katie with a perfectly inquiring raised eyebrow.  


“Refraining from absolutely destroying my eardrums could you please explain what the fuck are you talking about? Also remember our collaboration project? You literally walked me through what each exotic sex toy you owned were for. You know I don’t bang… yet. Because I didn’t feel like it. Just so you know I have plenty of fucking options to pick Katie” damn is Rose rubbing off on him? Who the fuck uses refraining on a phrase?  


“Yeah yeah I know you’re sex on legs, the true pinacle of sexyness with your Strider swag, I got that from our chat before you went all brooding-”  


“I do not brood. That was just a perfectly normal moment where a man is enlightened over the perks of being an active party-member of The Homosexual Agenda™ which, before you can scream to the rest of your very thirsty followers and probably the entire world, is not something I want to give a thought at the moment.  


Or probably ever.  


Let’s just pretend this has always been the case and go back to why you seemed about to fling yourself at a child toy I got.”  


At his last words Katie seems to try very hard to not laugh and say whatever it is that she’s thinking about.  


“Oh gods you are precious, look at the back of the box and you will understand what I mean when I say you couldn’t be more wrong about it being a child toy.” she says while heading over her side of the cubicle divisions and starts arranging her things “if you have any questions I’d be glad to help!~” is the last thing he hears her sing before turning his attention to the rest of the printed stuff on the back of the box unknowing that he was about to be shocked as fuck.  


“Katie?” he says in while staring at what he just read to which his answer is  


“Mhm?~ Any questions?”  


“This is a sex toy. A voyeur sex toy. That looks like a plush bunny.”  


“Oh you seem to understand it fine without my help, good, good. It means you did learn something from my seminar. But I think it’s good to add that it also can keep the recorded stuff if you want to save it for a later date other than the present. Of course that’s a feature only the one who has the bunny itself can use so you are in charge of what is saved” at this point she seems to be in her element, almost as if it’s another one of her review videos.  


Dave is shell shocked but doesn’t let it show.  


What does that even mean? He solved the riddle. So… he wants to see him but not in person? Dave can think about a lot of reasons to why he wouldnt want to meet in person but why pick out a sex toy with a camera of all things? He said he would call him later, does that mean at work or through his personal number? By Katie’s reaction this is some really expensive shit right here, Sin really wanted to get his message across which is...  


Does...  


Does Sin want to see him do the do? At work?!  


Well that’s pretty obvious with what he’s holding in his hands at the moment. Still. That is waaay more forward and kinky than whatever comeback he was expecting for them.  


He’s not sure he even knows how to do something like that for a camera, what do people even want from this sort of interaction? Should he watch porn about this type of stuff before trying whatever? Jesus! Dave doesn’t even know how he could possibly have the courage to do *anything* knowing there’s someone watching.  


But…  


But Sin would be talking to him right? Maybe this would be...  


Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea?  


They could in the end just talk as if it were a webcam or something if things come down to being too awkward right?  


Dave remembers he’s the second party in a face to face conversation and looks back up from the plushie to Katie.  


“Uh.. How do I turn it on and off? And who can have access to it’s camera?”  


“Oh boy I’ll show you how to do everything” she giggles in a maniacal way and starts on her worryingly very detailed instructions over camera angles, lighting and commands.  


* * *

His shift ended about 10 minutes ago and he’s coming back from the bathroom when he sees Jennifer and Freeda around his desk talking to Katie who is holding his still boxed bunny and seated at his chair. He entertains the thought of which upper deity he could have ever pissed off to grant him such a fate but strides towards his, no doubt, premium package of nagging and pestering. As John once said, what’s a little shit when you’re already covered in it.  


He grabs a chair from the desks across from his and drags it over to the girls. At least the office is empty.  


“Soooo what’s this? Is our boy finally fucking?” is Jennifer’s greeting as soon as she spots him.  


"Oh Jenny, shut it for now. Let him take his time to tell us or he will go back to his gloomy brooding” is Freeda’s interjection while she playfully elbows their goth friend in the ribs.  


“Oh for fucks sake I do not brood. That’s completely out of the spectrum of my cool persona, you should know better by now. I’ll deduct ten points from each one of you if you keep bringing that up. I was just…” he turns to Jennifer and finishes with “sorting things out?”  


“Sure loverboy, but please do entertain our gossiping needs. Did your virgin charms finally get someone's attention? Is it perhaps… your secret admirer?” Jennifer wiggles her eyebrows and pries while completely ignoring Freeda’s warnings.  


“What is this? You all ganging up on me like some weird assemble of gossip vampires ready to suck all of my tight lipped secrets. I will not give in towards your shitty taunts, and also how the fuck did you know about my said virginess? Which brings us back to our first talks over my sex and love life, that’s so not your business Jennifer. You won’t even fucking tell me who the hell he is.”  


“Dave dear, please. We might not look like Katie who’s neck deep into the sex stuff but we know when one’s just seen porn and heard stuff and when one has actually gotten laid at least once.” Freeda says running her hands over her red haired waves while Jennifer cheers at the same time “I KNEW IT! He 's back at it! My Monster agreement stands once more! I shall live once again!”  


At a loss of words Dave only stands, picks up his bag and takes the box from Katies lap. “I’m too tired for this. Ladies I shall be at your presence once more after my apple juice craves and sleep quota are replenished. See you all tomorrow.” he bows ceremoniously and leaves with his boxed bunny in hand.  


I hope Sin calls me sooner rather than later because I sure as fuck didn’t get what are his true intentions giving me this- He just set his foot in the street and is about to walk towards the subway station when he remembers he never told Sin that he’s a virgin. Oh boy was he going to be surprised.  


* * *

Karkat is back home from a very tiresome seminar presentation. He looks at the time and is happy to see the number it shows. 20:45. Maybe Dave is home, but he still needs to set things up in his computer to be able to test his new purchase.

He grabs his headset and laptop to take a seat on his bed.

In the website he bought it, Karkat accesses the link to another site. This one is from the company that produces the toy. He looks for his chosen model and downloads the program.

When it boots, the program asks for the password to grant him access.

He takes a deep breath. Dave hasn’t heard from him since… well… since he kissed him.

Should he bring that up? He had so many plans involving that.

It’s not about himself this time, though. Karkat shakes his head. He needs to change that mindset. If Dave wants to kiss him, he’ll let him. Karkat is a faceless person for him, anyway. Dave can picture him however he wants and love him however he wants. If he even decides he wants to do that at all.

In the case he does want to, he needs to be prepared. He runs quickly to his backpack and retrieves a notebook with several things written down.

These notes are so shitty. It’s just a bunch of topics and some, maybe, sexy words. Would Dave even find words sexy? He’s so out of his depth right now. Next thing he knows he’s going to start reciting I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud, because he’s stupid and an irredemable romantic that can’t fight the dread filling his stomach.

“It’s gonna be what’s gonna be. If he hates it he won’t ever contact me again, and what are the chances of that happening if he tried to reach me this time?” he wonders hopeful, until reason starts to rear its ugly face and make him second-guess himself “But… just because he did reach me doesn’t mean he’s interested. It’s not because he’s gay that he’s interested either. And all those times” for as wonderful as they ended up being “he was just doing his job. None of them meant anything.”

He takes off the headset “What am I doing?”

Karkat takes his phone. He’s about to text Dave to apologise for being stupid when he sees the bottom of a video. He scrolls to click on it and watches as Dave opens the box of chocolates he sent him for Valentine's day, how he looks fondly at it and at his letter.

“A poet could not be but gay/ in such jocund company:/ I gazed-and gazed-but little thought/ what wealth the show to me had brought” he recites, smiling a little.

Karkat puts his phone away and lies in his bed with the headset in hand.

“For oft, when on my couch I lie/ In vacant or pensive mood/ they flash upon that inward eye/ that is the bliss of solitude”

He puts the headset back and closes his eyes, thinking about when Dave laid his head on his shoulder.

“And then my heart with pleasure fills/ And dances” with Dave’s laughter on his mind, how open and true and lively it had been, he presses the call button “with the daffodils.”

He waits for Dave to pick it up, being able to listen to his heart trying to beat his way out of his ribcage and chanting endless repetitions of he doesn’t hate me, in his mind.

* * *

Dave just got out of his shower and is about to put his shades and clothes on when his phone starts ringing. It's Sin calling him.  


"Shit fuck I didn't even finish reading the damned instructions" he dives for his phone to answer the call before it goes to voice mail.  


"Hey just- gimme a second ok?" he tosses his phone on the bed and runs off to get some pants and a shirt coming back with the now unboxed bunny in his hands "Ok here I am… uh that's really you right Sin?" he questions while holding the phone between his shoulder and ear fumbling with the plushie on his lap. Shit that was their first talk after he came out to Sin and he almost maimed him at the porch of his building. Anything could happen. Don't fuck this up Strider or not even Rose's talks will help you after that violent mishap.  


Karkat swallows a lump on his throat when Dave calls for him.

“Hi” is all he can manage to say.

"Oh cool, cool. Hi to you too..."  


He lingers in the silence between them both and just goes after the first thing that crosses his mind.  


"Why a bunny tho? You like them or something? Is it a Playboy reference or just the bunny girl aesthetic that you were going for? 

Does that mean I should dress up as a bunny to you because if that is the case I gotta say, I draw the line before the furry shit."  


Karkat laughs remembering his rambles about the pineapple client “You can dress as whatever. It’s all coming out when I get my hands on you anyway.”

Fuck! That was too forward.

Dave shivers at the idea of Sin's hands on him. Yep they are really going there today.  


"For someone who hasn't talked to me in a week you surely are pretty forward right now. Not that I would complain since you know… Do you think my sphinx would be able to pull off a rainbow painting? After giving it all a thought I might go into all this head on. I request rainbow Doritos for your next gift..." he lets out a small huff and adds "I… I'm not mad at you though. I already apologized and all but I think you should know that I'm the only one who had to say sorry here… I do appreciate it though."  


“You’ve got to be kidding me. I was going chicken-shit, and that’s why I did that the way I did. You don’t have to apologise for having some rando plant a smooch on you.”

"Hah yeah I guess no one can really resist my deliciousness, it's the shades you know. They give you all the charm and mysterious aura. Be honored. I just enlightened you with some Strider knowledge right there."  


“And yet, here we stand. Me, a faceless person, and you, literally going on ted talks about sex toys for the whole internet to see. You’re not the mysterious one here, Dave.”

"Damn here I am. Yet again getting my ass handed to myself in one of our calls… Does that make me a masochist? I don't think I ever want to know..."  


“If you change your mind, I can find ways. Speaking about me finding ways to do stuff, did you get the bunny set up yet? I need the entry code.”

"Yes I did. I have it in my hands at the moment… uh the code is XXX-XXXX damn that's a long code for such a tiny thing..."  


“Are you making a dick joke or are you being literal?”

"Which one would you prefer?" he smirks into his phone while messing with the bunny ears "I mean, it's not like I'd go around looking over dick jokes to make, they are more of a thing that usually just happens. Doesn't it work for you like that as well?"  


Karkat rolls his eyes at the commentary and inputs the password on the computer “There are two types of uses for dicks in my case. One is for swearing and the other you can guess.”

"Huh I believe I can guess indeed… so are we already turning this thing on? Katie was very excited about your choice of… toy. I was walked through at least an one hour -long explanation of this thing's operational system and how it works."  


“Please don’t start speaking to me in code or I will turn this line off. I can’t stand it,” he vents “but yeah. It’s the latest model. They had cheaper ones but I thought that you deserved something as cute as yourself.”

"Aw really? Why though, binary code is sexy. You can't fucking not dig that. Imagine that, I show up at your place like a Matrix intro and my numbery coded hands caressing your face. Freaking hollywood material right there."  


“The only thing sexy about code is my friend, when he stops talking about it, and not even because he is sexy, it’s just because it’s relieving. Are the bunny’s eyes glowing?”

"Oh yeah they are. Blue color and all that. If it ever turns red I will not hesitate to throw it out of the window though, I am not getting murdered by a maniacal rogue sex toy you hear me?"  


“Loud and clear. Speaking of which, there’s a headset that comes with it. It 's in the box.”

"Oh cool, did you get one too? I'm gonna ASMR the shit out of you. Be right back" he leaves to fetch the bunny's box "Ok I have the headset on and am just syncing it up to Bonnie Bell here." yes he just named his sex toy plush bunny Bonnie. Katie said it was a normal thing to do so whatever.  


When Dave tells him he got the headset, Karkat puts on the pair and gently whispers “Are you comfortable? Is this volume good for you?”

"Holy shit the ASMR thing was just a joke. You can talk a bit louder" Dave says while moving stuff around to prop Bonnie on. "Can you see me right now? I just opened the camera… is this angle okay?"  


As Karkat can see, Dave’s face is right in front of the bunny. He looks comfortable in baggy pants and a plain shirt, but his face is the prettiest thing on camera yet. Karkat just can’t look away from his fair skin and penetrating eyes. He knew Dave had long lashes, but the more the looks at him blink, the more he compares them to the flapping of silk-moth wings. And that red is so deep and brilliant.

"Sin?" he questions after a moment of silence adjusting his headset over his wet hair.  


Karkat shakes his head awake from his poetic musings. He can compose ballads for Dave later, when he’s more comfortable being stupid and quoting poems like the sap he is “Sorry! Fuck. I’m here. The question remains. Are you comfortable?”

"Oh right yes. I'm good… uh yeah. Damn this is sort of really kinky isn't it. Do you think it counts as a first time? Ha hah." he laughs awkwardly. Dave's situation finally dawns on him and he can't help but feel a little nervous and maybe a bit self conscious. What the fuck is he supposed to do?  


“I’ve never done this before too, so I guess that it’s my first time too.”

"Wait, you are a virgin too? I thought you would tell me your very embarrassing first time story the other day?"  


“Wow. No. This is not my first time ever, just my first time doing this.”

"Ah I see uhm.. so how do we do this?" he says while sitting back on his bed.  


“That’s up to you actually. I did this to make a role reversal. You don’t know what I look like and I can be whoever you want and guide you through whatever you want. What… what do you want me to be?”

"Oh.. I uhm..." Dave might work on telesex and at this point have a phd on fake moaning and all that shtick but he was never put in a position where this was actually about him. What would he want in a moment like this? "To be frank with you I have no idea of what I would want? I like… the sound of your voice though… uhm keep talking?" a pause and then he ads "Maybe… maybe guide me through something you would also like?"  


Dave likes his voice. Huh. Who would’ve thought that there would be a living being out there that didn’t find it grating. He 's kinda happy.

“Something I would like… Like to do, or to see?”

"Surprise me? I'll just say though that I'm-  


I think I'm not ready for... you know…  


Ass…  


Stuff… yet? Maybe?"  


Dave stumbles over the words while the deepest blush he can remember crawls up his face and ears.  


Karkat can’t get over how cute flustered-Dave looks. “We don’t have to start with that. We don’t have to go there at all if you don’t want to try it.”

Sin's voice is patient and reassuring, making this type of scenario sound a little less intimidating and more like something he could do and be honest about. He felt like there was no pressure about whatever was about to happen.This isn't work. You don't need to deliver anything or owe anything here… You can just… be yourself and let go. He thinks for himself while lying down on his mattress and taking deep calming breaths.  


“Why don’t we start with something... nice? Can you describe how your skin feels to me? Any part.”

"Okay" he breaths into the headset "I just showered and didn't have much time to dry myself, so my skin feels damp and soft over my arms… I believe my face is also soft.." his hands tentatively feel around his body.  


He really likes that breath, but it sounds more nervous than into it. He really needs to ease him “What about your neck. How does that feel?”

"It's sort of… dry. I hurt my neck once and there's a bit of scar tissue left so I guess uh.. a little bumpy? Not in a bad way of course. Uh my neck feels okay? I'm… a little nervous but also excited for this so you can probably see how much I'm blushing right now" he rambles while covering his face with both hands.  


God damn it Dave Strider get your fucking shit together! Are you really going to be another character in the blushing virgin categorie?! Hell no. Fucking own this!  


He looks so cute, but so uncomfortable with the way things are going. Karkat thought that, maybe, if he got Dave to talk about something he would relax since he’s always motor-mouthing around him, but maybe he was wrong?

Dave is trying to keep his self peptalk going when he remembers how much Sin's voice grounded him before and made him feel good. Maybe that was the key? Not giving a shit over how he looks and focusing on his voice. Yeah. Closing his eyes he mentally pats his shoulder. Sounds like a plan, here goes nothing.  


"Sin? Could you- Could you… ah shit uh talk more?" Fucking hell Dave. You could at least not be so embarrassed.  


“Sure. I can talk,” oh yeah, Karkat can talk “but what would you like me to talk about?”

THINK DAVE. Okay he likes Sin's voice and from all their other talks he remembers plenty of his hard ons after said talks.  


"I want you to tell me what you would do. If you were here with me… Remember our first call? I..." and here goes his fucking attempt at not being a tomato impersonation. Do it Dave.  


"I want to be good for you..." he finally says with his last breath into the headset, eyes screwed shut and with a blush that now reaches past his shirt collar.  


Karkat grits his teeth feeling his boner grown disproportionally fast with the amount of clothes Dave is still wearing. He hisses in the headset. “Fuck. You really know how to get to me. This is stupidly unfair,” he complains half-heartedly. He swallows a lump in his throat.

"Hah glad to know I didn't lose my touch." he smiles to himself.  


“I wish *I* could touch you, and run my fingers through your skin again. Feel how soft it feels and hold you with my fingertips. Touch those parts you described. Your arms, your face, trace your cheeks and jaw.”

Dave's body feels warm and it's not just his blushes fault. His mind remembers the feeling of Sin's hand guiding him through the streets at night but this time he's with him in bed. Trailing invisible paths all over his skin.  


"Keep talking" he whispers back while he slowly trails his own hands around his body.  


“I wish I could memorize every bump and line your body holds. Slide through the dampness, carefully travel through what is dry, and massage what is already soft in you. I wish I could go further. Further down and over the cloth that envelops you. I want to know how your body reacts. Every turn and every creek.”

He feels his cock stir as Sin's voice envelops him and cements his imaginary partner's hands on him, he releases a tiny breath as his hands trail down his clothed stomach and under his shirt, his raven haired imaginary partner raises his shirt revealing his stomach and chest.  


He has such cute, pink nipples. This should not be this surprising or arousing but, he can’t help it. He wants to kiss them.

As Dave's imagination grows he gets a better idea of what he wants. Voicing his needs in an almost whimper  


"Sin, can I kiss you? I want to feel your mouth on me" he trails off, waiting for a reaction.  


Karkat feels a shiver run around his ribcage. Dave wants it too.

"Are you feeling good too? I want to hear you. All of it."  


“You wouldn't believe how good you make me feel” he admits, breathy “And yeah. You can kiss me. You can kiss me as much as you want, for as long as you want.”

His mind wanders after how breathy Sin sounds in his ears, his brain conjuring the mental image of having his mouth ravaged in the most delicious ways. Dave groans turning his head to the side, closer to the headset's microphone, feeling his cock now fully hard against his pants.

That gives Karkat a visible reaction. Dave’s groan makes him whine, low, right back at him. And he can see now, how horny Dave really is. It makes him bite his lip, absentmindedly trying to keep himself together.

“I wish I could bite your lower lip and suck at it to feel the softness. I wish I could explore the inside too, and have your taste all over my mouth.”

Dave curses low under his breath at Sin's descriptions, feeling the pure lust dripping in his voice and craving more of it.  


"Shit- more. What should I do now Sin? Fuck" he tucks of his shirt and goes back to touching his now naked chest.  


“I really want to kiss your nipples. So fucking much.” He almost sounds frustrated. “I want to touch them, kiss them, lick them, flick them just a little bit. I want to feel the softer skin they have under my lips.”

As he diverts his hands and traces his nipples with the tip of his fingers Dave releases a series of whimpers that slowly increase in volume as he turns to pinching and twisting them "Ah shit-" he swears while arching back in his bed "I never thought this would feel so good holy shit-" a moan escapes him as he digs his feet into the mattress.  


Karkat covers half his face with one hand and grips his knee very hard with the other. He tries to contain a very serious, bestialy long groan that comes with a twinge of frustration and a very imperative sort of discontent. He really wants to be where Dave is right now, and his boner is, more than definitely, leaking.

“You look fucking delicious,” he says seriously “I want all of you in my mouth, holy hell. Do you even know what you do to me? What are you imagining you’re doing to me? Because fuck, it can’t be that far from the truth.”

Sin's comment brings Dave a little back to reality and he opens his eyes to look into Bonnie's eyes. Fuck. He sound's wrecked and Dave can't possibly not want more of that, letting his lust overcome whatever inhibitions his brain had, Dave trails one hand down to his hard-on and moans wantonly, still looking at the camera, while he grinds his erection against his hand and arches his back in the bed.  


Karkat has never felt more possessive of something before. He wants that. All of that. Just for him.

“Are you really going to leave me behind, Dave? I never said I was touching you there.”

"Fuck Sin I can't fucking not do that. You're breaking me." he groans, throwing his head back and exposing his neck. "Tell me, are you touching yourself? Fuck I want to feel your skin on mine. Your hands on my hips as you grind down on me- ah"  


“You’re doing all this and haven’t even shown yourself yet. Are you that desperate? I know you like irony but how come you would be embarrassed of showing yourself but not of doing something as lascivious as what you just did?” he teases him. It’s delicious to see Dave this… desperate.

"I'm sorry sir I thought that was a step where you have a say in it, especially since I don't have any underwear on… after this is,.only my birthday suit." Dave laughs as he tells his commando state to Sin.  


“Take it off,” he commands.

Dave feels a tug that goes straight to his dick at Sin's commanding tone. He practically tears his pants off and lies down again stark naked in bed.  


"This view is brought to you by God almighty" he says trying to distract himself from the fact that Sin could see all of him now. Pale tights and chest. Would his faded scars show on the video?  


Dave is beautiful. Even his cock manages to match the description of beautiful. Cute, proportional. He’s not settled, though.

“Dave, hold your thighs apart. I want to see everything,” he prompts, getting his pants and briefs and throwing them to the other side of the room.

"Fuck" he breaths out but shyly complies after a while blushing once more.  


He's never been this exposed in his life. But this is Sin watching him, that thought soothes back his insecurities.  


“If I was there, I’d hold you like that and kiss you while our cocks touch. I’d tease you with just the back, not letting them rub together. I’d soothe your thighs and grapple them tight with my hands. I’d kiss your collarbones, nibble your earlobe, and keep teasing. I’d hold your arms by your sides and forbid you of touching yourself. And tease until my precum starts to coat your boner.”

Dave trembles at the thought of being restrained and teased, keeping his legs close to his chest and open he lets his hands rest at his sides while he moans and exposes his neck once again feeling his hardened cock twitch and start to drip precum over the bottom of his stomach. "Fucking tease. I want to be touched, please, just- give me something" he begs looking once more at the camera.  


“You want something?” he asks.

"Fucks sakes Sin! I want you Goddamnit-" Dave admits frustratingly, his cock throbs as he thrusts his hips in the empty air, the sound of Sin's voice in his ear as his mind replays over and over again how Sin would tease him. Gods he could almost feel the ghosting touches of his imaginary partner on him.  


“I don’t want to make you feel good, Dave. I want to make you feel amazing. Can you trust me to do that?” he whispers.

"Yes" he whines back trying to get a small sense of control over his body.  


“Do you have lubricant?”

In hindsight, he should’ve warned him before they started.

Dave thinks for a moment before nodding slowly. It seems John's useless pranks will finally pay off. "Should I get it now?"  


“Wouldn’t have brought it up if it wasn’t the case,” he explains.

He snorts into the call and goes out of the frame for a moment, coming back with a small bottle of lube crawling back on the bed.  


"What do you want me to do? How do you want me?"  


“In every possible, conceivable way. I want your mouth on me, I want to be inside you, want you to be inside me, front to back, front to front, on your knees, lying down. I want everything,” he tells him earnestly, ''You’re too cute to have in a single way.”

"Not fucking cute." is Dave's response as he blushes all the way to his shoulders and fights down the shiver that runs down his body.  


"I have the lube, what do I do now?"  


“Dave… are you sure you only want me to touch you? I want you every way, but, like I said, I want to make you feel amazing. What do you want right now? How can I throw you over the edge and make sure you fall so far even the sky will be further than usual?”

"Hah!... I'm open to suggestions, after you pulled poetry out of thin air like that I think anything you tell me will surely work… but I… I want you to go over the edge with me, think you can work with that?"  


“Yeah. I can work with that” he says hazily.

"Shit, you sound amazing. I wish you were here, touching me all over while we whisper filthy things in each other's ears."  


He wishes he was less of a lying bastard to be able to do that.

“Me too. If I was with you right now, I’d put some of that lubricant in my middle and ring fingers while kissing you breathless. I’d guide you back to the mattress and tease the back of your boner with the slippery tip of my middle finger, guiding it down past your balls and perineum until I got to your adorable ass. I’d circle your entrance there, and press very gently, spreading lube all over you.”

Dave smears his hand with lube and lies down on the bed again, spreading his legs and following every single action described by Sin. Smearing the lube all over his lower regions, inch by inch as he moans and trembles with the feeling of his lubed hands around his asshole.  


At that moment, Dave knew that if Sin told him to finger himself, he'd do it without a second thought. Everything felt so good and so addicting. Dave wanted to keep going for all eternity with Sin's voice and how fucking good he made him feel.  


Karkat touched the head of his own arousal. He promised Dave they would go together, and even though he wasn’t sure how long he would take to guide him to completion, at this point he could afford to hold himself at the edge… if Dave didn’t end up letting out a moan so delicious that the pure sound could pump Karkat for everything he had.

It was almost impossible to keep himself in check when the other side was as debauched and mesmerizing as Dave was making himself. Not a single word spoken was a lie. He really, really wanted to be where Dave was, doing all those things to him, breathing him in like a drowning man breathes oxygen.

He pumps himself a couple times, easing the edge off just enough to keep guiding him, but unable to fully suppress the whimpering and breathlessness.

“I want to press that puckered pinkish whole and see the first knuckle of my middle-finger disappear inside. I want to hold you in my hand and jerk you passedly. Slowly. Just to hear you interject and shake. I want to torture you into loving when I touch you.”

Dave's hips jerk as he does exactly as Sin describes his actions, the amount of lube on his fingers is more than enough to carefully ease his first knuckle inside himself while he jerks his cock at a torturously slow pace. He's completely lost to his pleasure as he moans Sin's name.  


Karkat jerks himself and moans Dave’s name back, whispery. And then again with each pump. “Dave- Dave- fuck-”

"Ah shit- yes. Don't stop- I feel so good when you moan my name- Don't you dare fucking stop." He demands while unconsciously increasing his pace and slowly digging his knuckles deeper into his opening, spreading himself apart with Sin's moans in the background.  


He can’t stop jerking. Matching his pace with the pace Dave is fingering himself, he just can’t stop moaning like a deranged pervert. Dave’s name is a chant in his mouth as he calls and calls and calls with reckless abandon for him. He wants him. Needs him.

“Dave, I- shit- I’m not going to last.”

"Fucking hell- tell me what I should do, don't you dare cum like that. I have a finger up my ass and you better last until you are inside me or so help me-"  


Karkat bites his tongue and holds in a growl-like whine of frustration. His abdomen is contracted beyond normal and he has one of his eyes screwed shut. Even his vision get’s a little turvy, before he can gather his bearings and say “Hook your finger. Aim it up, but I don’t think I can last another one like these, Dave, or I’ll die. You and your fucking moaning are going to end me” he whines with beads of cum already running down in between his fingers.

Dave is looking at the camera when his finger curls and he sees stars and screams. "FUCK Sin! Ah- Shit-" his legs quiver and almost give out as he arches into his finger and pumps his cock harder. "Fucking shit you owe me a goddamn pounding you hear me- ah shit Sin, are you close?" Dave moans loudly and he's never been more thankful for soundproofing his apartment for his remixing.  


As Karkat hears and watches Dave pump himself so savagely to completion, just his grip around himself is enough to throw him past the point of no return. He shoots everything on top of himself, chanting, hallucinated, “Dave- dave- dave- ah- ah- fffffffuuuuuucking shit. I’M THERE. AH!”

"I'm so close Sin- Ah- Fuck fuck. Tell me what you're doing, I want to hear you as we cum-" he growls into the sheets and moans with Sin "Fucking FUCK SIN!" Dave cums so hard he can't even speak, mutely screaming and grinding down on his finger, fucking the last waves of his orgasm out of him.  


Karkat looks down, assessing the mess he made. He needs to stop going so long without jacking off. Cumming hard enough to shoot yourself on the chin doesn’t sound like something normal. Then he looks at Dave and that mess and how spent and red he looks. He doesn’t care if it’s from embarrassment or exertion, he loves to see that color on his face. And he loves how good he looks.

After he comes down from the most mind blowing orgasm of his life, Dave removes his finger from his ass and looks up at the ceiling nodding to himself with a small smile on his flushed face.  


"Yep. Various suspicions confirmed."  


“What were you even fucking suspicious about, exactly?”

"Oh. I was just confirming… After this I can say with absolute certainty that... Are you ready Sin?"  


Karkat is sweating bullets and it’s not for the sex. Does Dave know? Does he know who he really is? What he looks like? Oh god, that will be a disaster to explain if that’s the case. Just- Just play it dumb. Play it dumb.

"Sin, I'm gay."  


“...” what? “Didn’t you like’... give me a come out riddle?”

"Sure but still, this is like, solid confirmation that I am now a member of the LGBTQ+ gang. Gayve Strider, dick rider." he says monotonously still trying to catch his breath.  


“Dave… you didn’t even ride a dick.”

"Is that a challenge? Or an offer? Because I surely was hoping the answer to that would be yet."  


Karkat laughs at the ridiculousness of the matter. “You can’t take a full dick just because you can put a single lonely digit inside, Dave. You’re going to get hurt.”

"Hey I know that dude. I might be a virgin but I do work at telesex remember? So don't worry, my ass will be properly trained in the ways of the Gay.  
I'm pretty sure Katie still has some toys she wants to sell and I might even get a discount since our marvelous collab happened."  


“Wait. What? You’re a virgin virgin? I thought-” like, not even dick sex?

"Oooh you thought I was talking about butt sex? Nope. Feel guilty over deflowering my innocent body. You will have to take full responsibility over that and being my Gay Awakening."  


His jaw is on the floor. Dave is a fully fledged A Grade virgin virgin? How? He 's gorgeous! And nice and cute and smart.

"Earth to Sin? You still with me?"  


“You do know this doesn’t count, right? You’re still fully virgin. I can’t believe that, actually. You have to be shitting me. That’s the only plausible explanation.”

"No sir. I am as pure as God made me. In all the possible ways besides some makeout sessions back in highschool. Why is that so unbelievable dude?"  


“Because you look and act like a character come straight out of Douchebag Workout.”

"Rude. I am a fucking eleven outta ten and the complete opposite of a douche. Take that back or I'll revoke your sexting rights young man."  


"That 's cold, but fine, I take it back.”

"Good boy." Dave chuckles as he sits up on his ruined bed "I am undeniably happy that today is my laundry day."  


“I wish I had your fucking luck. You’re such a fucking cum-stirer you made me shoot all the way up to my chin, asshole.”

"What the fuck dude. Have you ever heard of jerking off before? How can one possibly go on without cumming for that long? Jesus… But also, I know my virgin body is amazing and all that but you can't blame me on that. Your jizz being out of control is completely your responsibility."  


“It was absolutely under control until you started making those noises and faces, you big teaser.”

Dave, just out of spite, looks dead on to the camera and lets out his most pornographic moan.  


“Do that again when my dick is around and see where I don’t shove it.”

"Kinky. I'll be ready for that then." Dave says while getting up and walking out of the frame again, coming back with a towel and his shades back on.  


“Take that stupid eyewear off. You’re wearing it naked. It 's ridiculous."

Dave snorts as he takes off his dirty sheets and cleans himself.  


"I thought you liked the view? I'm wounded, these bad boys here are like my coolness booster. I can't not wear them for long."  


“Why hide thyne soul that shines brighter and takes me on a tool behind a sturdy lie that thou shall see forgotten when your dreams come to be? “

"How do you keep doing that? My brain has to take three double takes to get into that level of Shakespeare. Are you some sort of lost immortal that's now after my ass? Because there's no way a normal human being can come up with that so fast. It's almost like you have a damn switch that you turn on and off to do that. So fucking unfair..."  


“You’re basically rapping. You can’t make fun of me.”

"My rapper skills are a fucking blessing upon this earth you shit. But to answer your question, besides the badass style this has, my eyes are very sensitive to light so I wear them almost all the time. If I don't my head aches like a motherfucker."  


Well, he can’t argue with a fucking prescription.

“Fine, but I do like your eyes, just so you know. Just like I like the rest of you.”

"Huh… that's a first… People are usually freaked out over my eyes." he mumbles while fighting down his blush.  


“People usually hate the sound of my voice, and yet, here you are, cumming to the sound of it like it’s a fucking afrodisiac.”

"Touché." He comments while pulling his pants back on "Heck I should probably take another shower..."  


“I didn’t shower before this started because I’m smart and knew how it would end. So I’m off to shower right now.”

"Well I did take a finger up my ass. Showering was the smatest fucking move I could've done idiot."  


“I thought you said at the beginning that you didn’t want to go there.”

"And yet..." he says while gesturing to himself "I got lucky I guess" he shrugs while taking his dirty sheets out of frame to the laundry basket.  


“Hey, Dave?”

"Yeah?" he says still out of frame.  


“You’re…” gorgeous? Special? Nice?

"I'm…?" He questions once he's back on camera.  


“Infuriatingly handsome.”

The unexpected honest compliment jerks a laugh out of him.  


"Wow, thanks I guess. I bet you're not so bad yourself you know..."  


“How do you imagine me?”

"Hm it's weird because I can't actually just give you a face you know? Nothing fits and I guess I just patched up what I know about you so it's very abstract..." he ponders a bit "I think your hair and your eyes are the only things I can imagine, to be honest, because you described them to me… and I sort of know how your arms and hands feel like so there's that..."  


“How tall do you think I am?”

“Oh that. I think when I went all ninja on you I sort of registered that you're a little shorter than me? Was my brain right?"  


“How tall are you?”

"5 '5 I think?"  


“I’m exactly an inch shorter,” he admits in defeat.

"That 's adorable." he looks around his room and sees all his college work along with his overflowing laundry basket before he looks back at the camera "So, do you have to hang up or are you up to some Strider lifestyle exclusive stream?"  


“I actually think this thing is about to run out of batteries. It doesn’t come fully charged and we’ve been at this for a while. I don’t regret it one bit, though.”

"Me neither… see you then? I mean… We're back to talking right?"  


Karkat snorts “Yeah, we’re back to talking. Mute me, btw. I text a lot. You don’t want that shit vibing nonstop while you’re at work or college. I’ll try not to turn your phone in a next-gen vibrator.”

"Will do. And thanks for your noble efforts." he fumbles with his now dried hair and smiles at the camera "Bye Sin, talk later."  


Before Karkat can say anything back, his computer screen shuts off, but he stays lost, looking at the dark of the screen with a dopey smile plastered in his face. He can’t help but compare Dave’s smile with the fucking field of daffodils.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meowtwo: Me with a voice kink? Nah bro...


	5. Favorites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meotwo: HERE WE ARE WITH A NEW UPDATE! Hope you all enjoy bc I sure as hell did ;V

Sollux looked at Karkat with worry in his eyes. The guy would bump into everything in their way just to keep his eyes on the never-ending conversation he was having with his cringely obvious crush. Karkat was so in-love, so infatuated, so dumb, he was becoming more and more reckless by the minute.

He was going to get a concussion one of those days and, when it happened, Sollux would be the first to laugh… right before dragging his idiotic ass to the hospital.

At his own place, Karkat’s laptop was propped over a contraption made of pillows and blankets with the sole purpose of allowing him to sit comfortably in bed to watch Dave on the other side. Their teasing and nagging continued, but now, instead of shy, the man might as well make thrice his salary if he decided to become a cam-boy. He certainly had a talent for driving Karkat up the walls playing with those fucking camera angles.

His entire bookshelf of steamy-romance-novels was sprawled on the ground with the descriptions underlined or even highlighted. Karkat placed him and Dave in those scenarios and tortured him for release in the nights they could spend together.

During work hours, Karkat ignored Dave to the best of his ability, which means that, mostly, he failed at ignoring him. They texted and joked and sexted, but Karkat still made himself quiet whenever his crush was around, hiding inside his hoodie and trying to not stare at him too much or smile too dopely. It was hard. He liked when Dave gave him some attention.

Sometimes Dave forced a laugh out of him with his inane rambling, stupid rapping or unparalleled ability to make fun of people, to which he tried to hide his amusement and smiles by stifling his mouth with both hands. It always made things weird when people saw him laugh.

Other times Dave would be the one to smirk or smile, and Karkat’s eyes would get glued on him, imagining daffodils cascading in the background behind his head.

When they are close, his fingertips tingle with the urge to touch Dave’s skin, tangling their hands and seeping in his warmth. 

Karkat day-dreams frequently about holding hands in a park, or snuggling comfortably on his couch while they watch a movie and trash talk it the entire way through. Whenever he thinks about kissing him, Dave always asks him to do it, and it makes his insides warm like molten lava.

He really likes when Dave asks him to do things.  _ Kiss me, touch me, hold me _ . He wants to do it all and so much more. Wishes to love him and for Dave to love him back, but he often wonders, how could he ever want to love someone he never knew?

Karkat has nothing to offer, honestly. He’s not good looking or funny. Dave is both. At least like this, Karkat can give Dave a fantasy. Be his fantasy. 

He looks down at his phone.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGenetiscist [CG] --

TG: so are we meeting today or what

It’s been six weeks since the Doomed incident, but he’s still weary of meeting Dave again. Every time he thinks of something nice, he second-guesses himself. What if he fucks it up again and, this time, Dave realizes how worthless he is and makes the wise decision of never talking to him again?

CG: I CAN’T. I HAD SOMETHING PLANNED.

Karkat is a fucking coward... and he knows.

* * *

Everything has been great for Dave these past weeks. He and Sin are back to talking daily and he's never been more… does cam sex count as an active sex life? Not the point. The point is. Now that they are… something? Dave had about a month of them, therefore getting time to think and explore more about his sexuality as well as whatever he feels for Sin who is currently, still anonymous.

Don't get Dave wrong. He knows he is also to blame on the nature of their… ok he is thinking of it as a sort of relationship. Sappy as fuck. He knows. But returning to the point of Sin's still unknown identity, Dave is at the moment a little frustrated. He wants to meet the guy for fuck's sakes. How the fuck can they proceed and actually meet if Sin keeps dodging his suggestions? He wants to know the face of the man who he has a massive crush on! And yes, just a crush. He can't just… fall for someone he never saw... can he?

You could say that made him a bit mad. He's been dropping hints he wants to meet Sin for the last week or so, and all his suggestions are met with negative answers. Which is why now all the girls in the offiice are his counselors over how to fucking tease/seduce the shit out of Sin on their calls and video meetings. Katie and Jennifer are very creative when they unite forces and Freeda has never been a better coach at being  _ the biggest temptation _ in her entire life.

"We're adopting you darling. You are our Sex Padawan or something now, no take backs. That guy will wish he could jump through the computer screen to get you even if it's the last thing we can do in our lives dear." she said after one of his premium complaining moments. He just wants to turn whatever they have into something more. Is that too much to ask?

"Our loverboy needs that D and I, as a certified lesbian, will help you out. Gotta spread The Gay as our lord wishes right?" and "Oh boy we are soooo doing this. I'm in. I could give you some of the shipped toys I have at my place and in exchange you give me reviews! I  _ always _ wanted a male collaborator to give their point of view!" were Jennifer's and Katie's only responses to their viking girl's words.

Dave is now one of them. 

He's never been more at home.

Which is exactly how he ended up on an after work talk at the cafeteria with a bunch of other people from sectors that aren't his own. Katie dragged his ass there with a very convincing promise that she would help him with his lighting setup afterwards, so he will now be able to " _ woo him in LED _ " as she explained two days before while waving the LED's pamphlet on Dave's face until he bought them.

He's pretty sure she just wants to turn him into an E-boy. Jennifer would totally help her get him set up with makeup classes and a lot of Fortnite dances or some shit. He's pursuing the very amusing thoughts of legit trying on makeup when his coworkers conversations grab his attention.

"I'm just saying, I will never again ask Karkat for directions again. Dude was scary as fuck." Says Leonard, he started as the new receptionist about a week after Dave and, since he doesn't go that much into the building, he gets as lost as Dave did… ok he still struggles with other floors but that's pretty normal right?

"Dude you couldn't have asked a worse person for directions in this entire company." interjects Samuel who is followed for Katie's and some other accountant agreements. Interesting.

"Are you guys talking about the same Karkat that works as mascot or do we have a new hire I didn't meet yet?" he butts in while raising an eyebrow.

"We're totally talking about our local grumpy Karkat, you should know that already, he's on the same floor as us." Katie points.

“Never seen a guy scream so loud with the supervisor before. It’s like he takes no shit home ever. Though, that’s probably because he always looks like he ate a bunch of it” Josh mocks, making the other accountants laugh with him.

"Guy sure has the guts. I think he's probably the only one who can own up to the boss besides people from the HR central committee." Kim contributes to what seems to be a completely different view of the shy guy Dave met.

"I bet he would look very handsome if he just stopped frowning so much… but never as much as Dave. Or as funny” Katherine says, making googly eyes at him. Not interested. Thank you very much.

Dave tries to ignore Katherine's attempts at flirting, as he's done the last three weeks or so, and focuses on their topic at hand.

"Are you guys sure you just didn't get him on a bad day? Kitkat never screamed at me ever. Actually he almost never talks around me." he shrugs in a casually cool way.

“I don’t think Karkat knows what a good day means” Josh says before realizing what Dave just said “Kitkat?”

"Yeah. We had a good few talks and I don't know but I've been calling him that since. Pretty dope nickname right?"

“How do you still have your eardrums? Karkat  _ hates _ when people call him nicknames! The supervisor tried once and Karkat screamed so many awful things at him that I don’t think the guy could get his mind clean even if he tried pouring bleach on his brain through his ears.”

"Aw man I wish I was there to witness that roasting," he mutters to himself while stirring his cappuccino "but yeah, I actually think I never heard him say anything to me that wasn't during his mascot voice acting stuff…"

“I think he just doesn’t like you. Karkat tends to not like people. If he doesn’t even try to talk to you, maybe he just doesn’t have anything to tell you.”

"Have you seen me? I'm a delight to be with. You are the ones that apparently don't know how to vibe with the guy. Maybe take a few notes from my book and you would probably be able to discuss vegan furries with him too" he finishes his point with a small smirk and a sip of his cup "we should go Katie, or it's going to be late and we won't be able to record your stuff."

"You're shitting me. That 's impossible. I call bullshit on you, Strider. Karkat couldn’t keep quiet if someone hooked a piercing in his tongue."

"Lies and slander,” he deadpans “Oh and you're bringing my last name into this now? Is this a challenge?" he says while slamming the table to emphasize his dramatic discourse. "I'll tell you what Josh Fisher, come Monday I'll arrive early to work and talk to Karkat before he leaves for lunch. You just watch me." he says while pointing his fingers to his eyes and back at Josh's.

"Damn guess who's skipping Monday's lunch hour?" asks Bethanny who is interrupted before she can complete her phrase by all of their colleagues agreeing.

"Okay, the show starts at twelve. Have a nice weekend guys. Watch my collab with Katie okay? Make us famous and give us money, no ad blocks or y'all just cowards" he says, already leaving the table.

* * *

Tripping out of his house back into office space after having had his weekend wrecked by Dave’s show of lights all over his dick, Karkat can’t decide if he’s happy or miserable.

He remembers Dave’s orgasm face while the lights change and decides to try to ignore either option and just keep his boner in check while not choking on his coffee. Best intrusive thoughts, but fuck if they didn’t have the worst timing ever.

“Hey, Karkat. You seem in a good mood” some guy from accountancy says.

Karkat glares at him “Fuck off and mind your own business, asshole.”

Why did that guy talk to him? And what does he know about him being in a good mood? He’s not in a good mood. It’s monday, his week just began, his job is a dead-end and he can’t even pine over his crush yet because the guy is probably having classes right now.

“Hey, Karkat! Good morning!” some random chick tells him.

“What’s so good about it? IT’S MONDAY. IT’S 8 AM ON A FUCKING MONDAY! WHAT KIND OF PSYCHO ARE YOU?”

She gives him a smile and counters “I have a good feeling.”

“Then shove-it, why don’t you?”

“Someone is in a good, talkative mood” he hears. It’s his fucking supervisor.

“What do you want” he states, knowing full well this guy really doesn't care.

“Oh, I was just checking up on you. You seemed like you were taking it easy a few weeks back, but now I see you’re back at it full speed!”

“Define taking it easy, and be fucking quick. I hate when you start to exist next to me.”

“You were answering about 20% less calls a couple weeks back, but that was every day. Now, it’s like you’re back to normal.”

“If I’m back to normal why are you still here?”

“Oh. You really gave up on this month’s bonuses for quota achievement?”

Karkat starts to do the math. Fuck. He’s behind schedule for getting his monthly bonus! He goes white.

“Do remember we don’t pay for extra-hours” the motherfucker has the gull of warning, like they don’t owe him about 400 dollars worth of extra-hours that he was  _ asked _ to do.

“I REMEMBER!”

Karkat runs. He has to work twice as fast as he usually does, and feels painfully frustrated when his phone vibrates and he can’t look at it. He hopes Dave isn’t feeling too ignored.

When lunch finally comes, he’s drained. His mind doesn’t work and his throat is actually, no shit this time, really hurt. He coughs a bit, realizing he’s getting himself hoarse. Fucking hell. He sits on his chair all sprawled with his sweater bunched up in his lap and revels in the cold wind with just his dark tank-top.

At least his part of the office has really good air-conditioning.

* * *

John nagged him all morning about who the fuck he was texting and if that was his crush from work. Rose totally told him and Jade, who also messaged him about it. They all took it pretty well if Dave is being honest. John had to make his homosexuality reveal a bit awkward by asking if Dave ever had a crush on him and shit… he was not ready for another life changing revelation so soon. The answer, frustratingly enough, was yes, but after seeing John's look of expectation Dave decided he would take that information to his grave.

"Dude no. Don't be freaking weird about it and if you ever tell me anything with a 'no homo' before it I will have the obligation of making it  _ so gay _ you won't ever be able to go 'no homo' ever again. I know you are straight and don't need your fucking brain coming up with weird moments okay? We're bros. Nothing more. Your straightness shall not be touched. Now can we not talk about this ever again? It goes against The Cool Brotocol." he monologues while dodging Johns nosy ass.

Holy shit can't a guy text and pine in peace? 

Today seems like Sin is really busy though. None of his texts were answered yet and Dave decided to leave it be for now. There's no way Sin is ditching him after yesterday's performance. The LEDs were a complete fucking success and Dave is fucking ready for more! His next move will be trying the makeup look he saw on Pinterest, he just needs to bribe Jennifer into giving him some lessons.

He's about to leave for his last class when he remembers that today he is a man on a mission. He turns to John and grabs his shoulders.

"I'm skipping. I need you to take notes or my ass will not be able to do shit for next week, do you copy bro? Today I have been summoned to prove the truthfulness behind my words at work and the Strider honor depends on it so you will have to hold down the fort while I'm gone. Be strong my straight friend."

“Uuuuuuuh. Okay, Dave. Go be… gay?”

"Huh one could say that. But I don't even know if that's the case. Also I'm pretty sure I'm always gay. See ya don't let Hormeus class get into your brains too much or you will start to wear tinfoil hats as well" he salutes and strides off to work.

* * *

Karkat has just grabbed an apple juice bottle, and while he’s returning to the office he thinks about how people just decided that, today, out of all days, he was a person they wanted to talk to.

He works talking to people. Small people. He doesn’t want to talk to anybody, much less be talked at by people who have nothing interesting to say.

He tightens the knot made of his sweater sleeves on his waist. Why the fuck is it so warm today? He’s not used to walking around without a hoodie to cover his face. There’s plenty of people around to mock his permanent bitch-face with the hoodie already, but he just can’t stand it.

He should have worn sleeves, though. Having to walk around in a tank-top is making him feel naked.

Dave seems to have gotten there just in time, he's entering the building when he spots Karkat whistling something at the reception desk and decides to approach as he spots a small crowd of everyone who said they would watch their encounter.

"Yo Kitkat is that apple juice you have there?" he says still from a certain distance so Karkat can see him coming before he starts a real conversation.

Josh can eat shit.

When he hears someone call him by a stupid nickname his first instinct is to tell that fucker to learn to use people’s fucking names and stop being an inconsiderate fuck-ass, but then he sees it’s Dave and his voice dies as fast as his anger.

Why is he here? He should have classes for another hour. Is Karkat running late for his own stuff?

He looks at the clock and… no. Dave really is here early.

Oh shit! The apple juice in his hand.

He shrugs and puts the bottle behind himself. Maybe he hasn’t seen the brand yet. Maybe he could still play dumb or just pretend he bought it for himself and doesn’t want it anymore.

"Oh come on don't be shy I can recognize that label from yards away, so you are also an appreciator of the Gods Drink huh, you could've told me. I could have shared some of mine some other day, but my usual brand isn't that high quality of good fruity juiciness, I'm a mostly broke college student and all that."

As Dave begins assuming he likes this sugar bomb, Karkat starts to shake his head with his tongue out. It tastes rancid. He extends the bottle to Dave, and looks away. He never explicitly thanked him for paying for his coffee when he got hired.

Karkat is… offering him the apple juice? Why though?

"Wait... for me? Are you serious? Why dude? Also I can't just take this from you, AJ that good is pricey and no true gentleman takes another's drink when that's the case..." he gesticulates his hands in front of him in denial. Karkat might be offering but it's probably because he felt pressured or something. Dave can't accept that.

Karkat rolls his eyes, makes a tsk with a grimmance and starts walking to the nearest trash can. He swings the drink side to side.

"Oh my god. You heathen, how could you even threaten such an innocent bottle like that? Are you trying to torture me?” 

Karkat thinks about the several books on his floor and the several nights they spend online. He can’t help but smirk at the double meaning that sentence holds.

“Okay fuck I accept your offer, spare the juice sir." he approaches the man as if in a hostage situation and offers his hand.

He hands Dave the drink and starts heading for the elevators.

"No no no not so soon" Dave says as he swings his arms over Karkat's shoulder "you should at least let me get you a coffee, it will be like my first week here, you, me and the coffee machine, which I need you to show me the way to again. All these halls look the same or they keep changing, I'm telling you." he knows he might be forcing it a bit but he really wants to see how much more he can make his small audience shocked. He got a small smirk from Karkat which seemed like a miracle from the look at Samuel's face but Dave still feels challenged so why not proceed?

At Dave’s blatant admittance that he is a lost idiot, Karkat cringes externally. His mouth pulls sideways down, and he can’t help but feel like giving him a jab to the ribs. He then remembers that Dave is a skilled martial artist and would probably not take it as a joke.

He sighs, frustrated, and let’s his posture drop even lower. It’s good, however, the feeling of having Dave’s arm around him. He holds the hand dangling from the side of his shoulder and issues a challenge with his eyebrows. Then starts walking to the elevator.

"Oh I shall thank thee kind sire for I shall never again be lost to the disastrous paths of blank hallways ever again. May the gods' good graces shine upon thee thought the shape of endless caffeinated blessings." Dave says in his most dramatic tone as he brings his free hand up to his face in a damsel in distress pose.

How the fuck is Karkat infatuated with this idiot? Oh yeah. He makes him laugh. Like, right now. But he is trying very hard to keep it inside. He fails, spectacularly, when Dave starts with the damsel poses, so he just covers his mouth with his hands and tries to keep walking.

Dave is still doing poses when he notices Karkat's shoulders vigorously trembling. Yes! Dave fucking Strider made Karkat laugh. Suck that Josh. He is the best, fucking 100 out of 10 and he just made that pretty fucking clear to about 10 people who are gaping at him from the reception area as the elevator arrives and they enter with Karkat still trying to stiffle his laughter. Ten points to Dave. He smirks at his audience as the doors close.

Karkat pulls Dave down the corridor with a stupid smile on his face. Thank god he is going in the front. He couldn't hope to ever be able to explain himself and how happy he is because they are just… simply and purely holding hands.

He 's going to die. Out of shame. Maybe he can put the blame of his blush on how warm it is outside. Maybe Dave won't even look into it.

They get to the coffee machine, and Karkat lets his hand loose. If Dave doesn’t let go, he’s not the one that will, but if he does want to, he’s not going to force him to stay. 

"Awesome so I believe last time I bought you an espresso but today is a Monday and everyone deserves a bit of sugar to make them want to live through today, so I'm thinking of a cappuccino? What do you say?" he glances at Karkat and notices that this is the first time he actually sees his face since he doesn't have his hoodie on. Jesus his hair looks messy as fuck but really soft. Is it weird to want to touch your coworker's hair? Maybe but Dave's not going there… for now.

Karkat shakes his head vigorously. Cappuccinos are less caffeinated and just a generic bunch of bullshit. If he wanted something sweet, he'd have gotten himself an ice cream or a piece of cake or some other pastry. He turns to stare at Dave’s stupid shades, trying to glare at his stupid idea.

How can hair bounce on someone's head like that? He's just about to offer the espresso again but then he notices Karkat's eyes as the guy glares at him. They are a really unique colour… Almost like dried blood? Is that a good comparison? He is reminded of Sin's description of his eyes. Is Sin's eye color like Karkat's? Shaking off his wandering thoughts Dave clears his throat and leans back from Karkat's face. Damn what the fuck was he doing? "Okay grumpy, one espresso for you. Sheesh no need to look so mad." he uses his free hand - the one holding the apple juice - to handle the machine. Karkat is keeping him hostage for coffee, and that is adorable. He respects anyone with such passion for anything in life.

As his glaring continues, trying to get into Dave’s mind he wants the espresso by sheer thought-transfering, he realizes Dave is getting closer. His heart starts to beat faster, thumping in his ears and scrambling his thoughts, but before their noses can even touch, Dave seems to be awaken from a haze, getting further with a slight blush that, if not by the perpetual state of staring Karkat has, would be completely lost under his glasses. 

He is so adorable. Karkat can’t stop picturing daffodils behind him.

Dave hands Karkat, who is still holding him, the espresso and tries to keep their conversation going "So why do you never talk to me? Bad throat again?" It's a sincere question, if he can get Karkat to laugh and hang around why does he never talk to him like everyone says he usually does? No one should hurt themselves so often at work. If that's so common Dave might have to talk to someone, he doesn't know who besides Karkat himself but still…

“Yeah cof-” he says, playing his hoarseness up.

He feels his worrying increase at the sound of Karkat's voice and holds back a frown, "Dude that's not good. You need to take better care of your voice, you have a lot of talent and it'd be a waste to hurt yourself and risk that you know? Maybe you could get someone else to help you around your sector? From what I gathered you run it all by yourself and that sounds way too fucking exhausting, like’ climbing the Everest levels of exhausting." he says and looks around for the stuff that people can put on their drinks "I heard honey helps, maybe try to mix it on your coffee? Would that even taste good?"

Karkat makes a face and shows Dave his tongue. He really doesn’t want to try. Sounds gross and not really effective. He takes a sip from his cup and rejoices in the warmth it brings to his throat. For the first time all day, Karkat unclenches his eyebrows. This coffee isn’t even good but the heat eases his internal soreness and the air conditioning helps even his temperature.

And the best part is that Dave didn’t let go of his hand yet.

Maybe mondays aren’t so shitty after all.

Dave's staring at Karkat as he brings his cup to his mouth and then witnesses Karkat's expression melt out as he tastes the espresso, almost as if his anger and stress are washed away by the caffeine. And he comes to a very important realization. Karkat is really hot.  _ Really hot.  _ His eyes scan him up and down from behind his shades as he checks him out and Jesus, his sweaters hide a fucking lot, he is fit.  _ Fit af. _ And then his eyes land on their still held hands. 

Shit. Fuck. No time to panic Dave, just a really fucking hot guy holding your hand in his, do  _ not _ get carried away by it. No fucking Gay Panic until you are at you goddamn desk you fucking idiot.

He looks back up and fuuck that face should be illegal. He hates to admit it but Katherine might've been on to something here, Karkat's relaxed face is-  _ smoochable. _

He needs to get out of here because two crushes would be a lot of crushes if he is investing so much on Sin. Fucking hell. Be smooth, be cool. You can get out of this, he opens his mouth to say bye.

"Woah you look really good with a relaxed face. I stan." 

_ Fuck. _

Karkat's brows go back down and he frowns, but the blush that explodes on his entire face can’t betray how much he actually likes the compliment. He takes his hand away and pushes Dave away from him by the chest, turning around and trying to not crouch into a little ball of shame, busying his hands by fiddling with his cup.

"Oh shit sorry I, uh… I was honest though. You could try to keep that up, might even grab someone's… attention? I uh..." is Dave's immediate reaction to Karkat's shove but as soon as he notices the blush he loses his words. Karkat's face is  _ adorable  _ right now and he can't stop himself "Come on Kitkat, you can't act like that, the world would be a better place with that handsome face going around. My Monday is already better after that sight." he teases out of his coworker with a small smirk.

Karkat looks back at Dave with his blush still there, but this time he is kinda pissed and showing his gritted teeth to prove a point. He shows his middle finger and his tongue, simultaneously, before hushing out of there back to his cubicle.

"Why do I feel like most of our conversations end up with you flipping me off?" he questions while messing with his hair. Still adorable. Now that Dave saw it he can't unsee it. Fucking hell. As Karkat goes back to his cubicle Dave can only facepalm and chide himself " _ Whyyy _ . Get a hold of yourself man." he goes to his desk. Might as well work since he's already here. Maybe it'll take his mind off of… things.

* * *

\--  turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  carcinoGenetiscist [CG] \--

TG: so are we meeting today or what

CG: I CAN’T. I HAD SOMETHING PLANNED.

TG: dude are we like in groundhog day or some shit

TG: i literally texted you the same stuff from a week ago and you answered the same fucking thing. atrocious. are you a bot? did you turn into a bot and not tell me sin? or have you been a cyborg all along whos ai is reaching its full capacity and now can only answer that

CG: IF THAT WAS THE CASE THAT AI WOULD BE SMARTER THAN ME

CG: BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY

CG: THE ONLY THING I CAN FUCKING TELL YOU IS THAT IT’S TOO WARM TO GO ANYWHERE THAT DOESN’T HAVE AIR CONDITIONING

CG: WHICH IS WHY I AM STAYING WHERE I AM

TG: we could go to the movies they have air conditioning there

CG: DAVE, THERE’S NOTHING WORTH MY MONEY, THERE. I AIN’T FUCKING PAYING 45 BUCKS FOR 2 HOURS OF ENTRETAINMENT WITH LOUSY POPCORN, TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH A BUNCH OF TODLERS AND NOT EVEN GET TO SEE YOUR FACE, BECAUSE THERE’S NO WAY I WOULD BE SITTING BY YOUR SIDE

CG: I DON’T WANT YOU TO HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE FOR LOOKING TOO DEEP INTO THE PIT OF DESPAIR THAT IS MY DEPRESSIVELY LOOKING MUG

CG: SO HOW ABOUT NO?

TG: sheesh someones in a bad mood okay i got it your not a warm weather person you would probably die in texas you know but that aside then what do you propose? id still like to see your allegedly depressively looking mug

CG: THAT AIN’T HAPPENING.

TG: ain't happening

TG: as in a permanent thing?

TG: you want to keep going on this and never show your face to me for all eternity? do you not have a face or something because at this point you could look like wade wilson and id still sit on your dick

TG: as in

TG: not a metaphor

TG: my ass is totally ready 

CG: IF YOU’RE HORNY YOU CAN JUST PICK THE TOY, TURN ON THE BUNNY AND I’LL GRAB MY CHEAT-SHEET

TG: are you playing hard to get or are you just that oblivious? i said your dick

TG: this is not a drill

TG: i repeat this is not a drill

TG: you know where to find me

TG: so just come over and fucking take me you coward

Karkat is looking at his phone during class with horror in his eyes. At the same time that he would really like to, there’s no way that can happen like that. It wouldn’t matter if Dave could take an entire elephant inside, he still never laid with a man before.

Taking his virginity like that wouldn’t just be awful, it would be extremely diselegant.

“What are you looking at?”

“ _ Nothing _ ” he says to Sollux in a pitch way higher than usual, then he clears his throat and tries again “Nothing at all.”

TG: if youre worried about skipping class just drop by once your classes end i get home at nine pm

CG: DAVE…

CG: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW?

TG: hopefully convincing you on fucking me

TG: tonight

CG: YOU ARE FUCKING SCHEDUELING YOUR FIRST TIME! THAT 'S…

CG: I MEAN, SHOULDN'T WE GO ON A DATE FIRST OR SOMETHING?

TG: oh no you dont get to tell me that

TG: ive been trying to meet your ass for three weeks already you bastard

TG: now you either come up with a date for tonight or you come over right ahead and fuck my virgin ass 

TG: youre on thin fucking ice young man

TG: i am a raging homosexual with sexual needs

TG: and you are the one to blame

TG: so take responsibility

CG: …

CG: I CAN’T DO THIS ON THE FLY

CG: I SUCK AT DOING THINGS ON THE FLY

CG: GIVE ME UNTIL… FUCKING... FRIDAY

CG: I’LL COME UP WITH A DATE UNTIL THEN

TG: deal

TG: you better do that or ill revoke your sexting pass until you do it

TG: sheesh what happened to that guy who once answered my 'fuck me' with 'just tell me where and ill be there…

TG: tell one guy you're a virgin...

“Hey, you were a virgin once. What was your first time like?”

Sollux looks at Karkat with a dead face.

“You lost your virginity after I lost mine, why are you asking me?”

“Because I lost my virginity in a car, Sollux. That’s the least romantic place a person could fuck.”

“We grew up in the same place Karkat. Where do you think I lost my virginity?”

“I don’t-” and then he thinks about it.

They look at each other and Sollux gives him a pitiful look. Karkat starts to search for laboratories around college that make STD and STI check ups.

* * *

Karkat binged every romance novel and movie he could think about to look for the perfect date. Usually it involves a secondary location to which one should take the love interest so they have something to talk about and a place to talk about it, like movies and dinner, but Karkat doesn’t think he could handle sitting that far from Dave again.

The whole point of the date was for them to enjoy each other’s company. And Dave wants to meet him in person, so online gaming doesn’t count.

They have to do something Dave can enjoy without his eyes. Music, food, some tactile experience? Maybe a modern museum? They could go take a walk around the pier. There’s not much to see but the food is good and the arcades are fun.

He’s not sure Dave would enjoy a concert, even though he really seems into music and mixing and stuff.

\--  carcinoGenetiscist [CG] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG] \--

CG: HOW INCLINED WOULD YOU BE TO ATTEND A CONCERT THIS FRIDAY AND THEN GO DINING?

CG: I WAS THINKING ABOUT DATE OPTIONS WE COULD HAVE THAT YOU WON’T HAVE TO USE YOUR EYES

CG: BOTH OPTIONS ARE ACTUALLY BETTER ENJOYED WITHOUT THE USE OF SIGHT

CG: HELLO?

CG: DAVE

CG: DAVE

CG: DAVE

TG: wait without my eyes?

TG: are you still not on board with me seeing you?

TG: …

TG: just to make it clear i am sighing here

TG: okay, i'll humor you into having kinky blinfolded sex for my first time

Karkat feels his cheeks get warmer. He wasn’t even thinking about the sex part of the ordeal beyond condoms and lube, honestly. Would Dave even like having actual sex with him? He hasn’t gotten laid in a while. What if he can’t last enough or what if Dave thinks he’s a gross pervert when things get there?

Oh shit, he can’t back down now. If the worst comes to pass he’ll just give Dave a blowjob and skedaddle as fast as his legs can take him. That’s not too bad for a first time, he thinks.

His phone vibrates.

TG: yes i would love to go to a concert

TG: where do we meet?

* * *

Dave is waiting in front of the concert hall for Sin, not that he will be able to see who he is. Idiot is so insecure he made Dave promise to not look as soon as Sin texted him to close his eyes, so here he is. Standing alone in a tux and styled hair while fumbling with his phone. He hasn't dressed up this much in a while. He even got out his best white shoes. He would put on some of his makeup lessons to use but he will be blindfolded anyways so he didn't bother, which is also the reason he already left his shades at home, he's not risking losing them while they're tucked in his pockets or something.

He's a little nervous about today but oh so eager that he could vibrate out of his skin. This is it. Tonight it's happening and he couldn't be more excited and anxious at the same time. The girls almost threw him a party after they heard he scored a date.

The anxiety in Karkat’s stomach is so great it’s like his gastric juice is eating at his stomach walls. So many things could go wrong today. He double checks his bag for everything he brought. Money, phone, charger, a change of clothes if he ends up actually staying at Dave’s place, a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube. He picks his phone to check for the reservation he did for after the concert and make sure everything is okay.

Everything is okay. And then he repeats it again to try to convince himself of it.

He sees Dave’s back in the sea of people who are also going to watch the show and his heart swells. It feels way too big for his chest. He looks stunning, but focused. Is he looking for Karkat in the crowd? 

Maybe the crystallized narcissus was a little too much, but he wanted to really make Dave understand how much he cared. It wasn’t the greatest thing ever, but the poems in the resin did make it have a personal touch.

Dave might think it’s too much, though. Should he even give it to him?

He sees Dave looking everywhere for him and thinks that his trashy artistic abilities might as well make for good conversational topics when they get to the restaurant.

Karkat comes closer and sends Dave a meme on their conversation. When he looks down to read it, Karkat comes close to him by his back and extends both, the crystallized flower with the poems around it and the blindfold.

“Hey. You look astonishing” he greets, right beside Dave’s ear.

* * *

Dave is looking at his pesterlog when two hands come on each side of him, he takes both the blindfold and the flower from Sin's hands and fight's down the urge to just turn around.

"I wish I could say the same to you but I can't sneak a peek can I? Thanks for the flower, it's very pretty… what's this?" He inspects the sculpture closer and sees a love poem written inside the resin around the flower.

"And you say I'm the adorable one." he teases while fighting down a blush tucking his gift inside his bag for safekeeping and putting on the blind fold. "Here we go, can I hold you now? I'm a blindfolded virgin that craves attention and affection right now. And you, as my certified guide, have the obligation of doing just that. C'mon I promise I won't go all Terminator on you." he says while blindly turning around and opening his arms in a hug invitation. He trying to feel Sin up? Never.

Tonight will be great. He can  _ feel _ it.

When Dave turns around with the blindfold, Karkat waves his hand in front of him, just to be sure he really can’t see anything. He passes his hands around Dave’s waist, bringing them closer together. Their noses touch, but he doesn’t dare go even an inch closer.

Should they kiss now? Maybe later? Dave isn't sure but he thinks back about how their first kiss experience was an enormous flop and he needs to make it right if he wants Sin to be able to trust him with his identity someday right? Also if they're fucking tonight there's no reason to be afraid of a kiss. Making his decision, he slowly feels Sin's arms and shoulders until he reaches his face. Holding Sin's cheeks in his hands he leans in for a shy kiss.

Karkat feels Dave’s hands travel up his arms and his anxiety starts to spike. Can he identify someone only by touch? What would happen if they had sex then? His hands reach his face, cradling his cheeks pushing his lips to touch his.

His heart soars.

Dave’s lips are so much softer than he initially thought and the way he’s so gentle at kissing him just makes Karkat want to melt. He wants so much more. He wants to kiss him so much more for so much longer.

Without him even realizing, his upper hand travels up Dave’s back. He wants to push them closer and feel his heartbeat through his chest.

Then he comes to his senses. They are doing this in a very public area and Dave might think he’s being too pushy. He shouldn’t press his luck. He’s already lucky enough Dave decided he was okay with kissing someone he doesn’t even know the face of.

He can feel his heart trying to hammer a way out of his chest. Karkat doesn’t ever want to stop, but they need to get into the theater and secure their spots.

“We should get going” he tried, sort of breathless, but trying not to puff too hard on Dave’s face “get out seats and stuff.”

Their kiss is so gentle in Dave's experience that he can feel his mind running away with all his thoughts beside the feeling of Sin's lips on his. He feels like he could keep doing this forever and that this sort of pure happiness is probably his new addiction, one can be horny and also extremely into soft moments, this is the proof right here. 

However, his trance is broken by Sin's reminder that they still had plans to attend to.

"Yup you lead the way pardner" He says while holding his right arm trying to hide how giddy he felt at the moment. If anyone asked Dave what would be his type he is pretty sure romantic would be the first thing on his list from now on.

Karkat leads them inside and goes through the process of checking in. Show the guy at the counter the tickets, he asks if you guys need a valet because he assumes everyone that comes to watch a classic concert definitely came with their car and they don’t want to leave it on the street afraid the new youth will grab a key and trash their very expensive painting.

They didn’t come with a car, but now Karkat is wondering if he should have called an uber to get Dave here, then he realizes he’s overthinking and just answers a “No. We didn’t come on a fucking car. Just take the fucking purses so we can get in there.”

He drops his bag and Dave’s bag on the counter. The guy gives him a key with a number and a pamphlet with the names of the songs and who are the people playing the instruments.

“You wouldn’t be able to see shit anyway, so I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t get us front row seats” he comments while waiting for the elevator to arrive “and it’s not like you know anyone of those guys to want to sit on the first row and wave them hi. If that ends up being the case, don’t take me wrong, I will vanish and wait for you outside or something.”

Dave snorts at Sin's comment and just playfully shoves him a bit without letting go of his arm. "Don't worry it's our first official date so my attention is all yours, I wouldn't be able to talk to them anyways since I don't know much about classic music. Next time it's my pick and I'm taking you to some rad rapping standoff or something, ooh I can already picture the sick beats, what about electronic? do you like that type of music?" he rambles on until they get to their seats, throwing around different types of music and bands he knows would sound great. Not that it would make a difference. He's so happy about meeting up with Sin that he could be at a fucking Calculus class and it would still be nice. He sits beside him and leans his head on his shoulder.

As Dave leans in his shoulder he feels like his heart stops on his chest and then comes back on at top speed. He’s never been so red in the face for so long before, or so disgustingly happy - as Sollux would say. 

As a first official date, he does have to say he went out of his way. If what Dave’s saying is any indication, he’d rather have dates that look more like hang-outs, but he was playing it safe. If you over-do-it at least your love interest can tell you tried really hard, which shows you are interested.

All this attention that he is giving him does make him happy and sappy, though. He has to reel it in or he’ll be proposing like one of his romcoms out of sheer infatuated stupidity and a lack of self-control that would be toddler-worthy.

They talk and trash-talk for a while until the music actually starts. Dave stays glued on his arm the whole way through and, at some point, Karkat puts his head on top of his.

“I hope you’re hungry after this. I made a reservation for us” he whispers.

"What I hope is that your wallet can take all this, we will at least split the bill okay? No take backs babe" he whispers back and smiles at the end. This dork made fucking reservations, what sort of hollywood romance movie has his life become.

* * *

“Ok, so, I will admit I’m dumb and stupid and didn’t think this last part through, because you’re blind right now and the walk there is as far from here as the subway is from your apartment. You almost died 5 times last time, between being blindly lost and almost hammering your thick skull against a light pole, so I’m getting us an Uber, because the only thing bound to be broken tonight is your back, and only very late into the night.”

"Hah okay sir you may call us an Uber but do share it with me so we can split the price. I do agree that I need to survive until tonight, dying a virgin on the way to getting my V-card taken would be tragic as fuck, I'd be a ghost dedicated to cock blocking couples for the rest of my frustrated existence." is his answer because let's face it, Dave has looked forward to this for too long to be shy about it. That doesn't stop his body from warming up at the reminder of what awaits him tonight.

“You can pay our uber back to your place and I’ll pay this one” he says pulling his phone out of his back-pocket.

When they get to the restaurant Karkat realizes he made yet another mistake. He made the reservation on his real name with his ID and all.

“Uhhh… I need you to wait here for a second,” he warns, leaving Dave alone in the middle of the curb “I just need to talk to the receptionist and I’ll be back quickly. NO SPYING” he warns.

His arm feels cold without Dave’s hands around it, but the faster he talks to her, the faster he can have it back.

“I have a reservation.”

“In the name of who?”

“Whom.”

“What?”

He shakes his head. Not the time, dude.

“Karkat. Vantas” he says showing his ID.

“Do you need a valet?”

Why does everybody thinks he owes a fucking car?

“No” he grits.

“It’s just this way-” 

“Hold that thought” he warns her, going back to Dave’s side.

“Okay. I’m back” he says extending his arm.

"Thank fuck. Next time you could wait for my response before ghosting on me like that. You know people can see the blindfold right? I'm as good as fresh meat here, a delicious steak abandoned defenseless in the middle of a city full of savages" he rambles on trying to not let the actual anxiety he felt show on his face.

Karkat scoffs.

“You would just flip’em into submission.”

They get to the entrance and are directed to a table. He can see the waitress making cat eyes at them and he suddenly realizes that, yeah, they even look like they are together.

His smile widens.

He sits Dave on a side of the table and chooses the seat right next to him, trying to be as close as possible. The semi-circular seat really helps on that front. The lighting is dim, there’s people talking but it’s not overly crowded and the scenario really makes Karkat proud of his choices. He grabs the menu.

“Do you want me to read it for you or…”

"Sure, not like I know braille or something, would they even have this type of menu here? Where are we by the way? Reservations are like the definition of fancy."

“You can just imagine we’re in a McDonalds if it makes you feel more comfortable. But I do say this place doesn’t serve burgers. More like… Cheese and pasta. They have a dish that is spaghetti with fungi and some white, cheese based sauce. Uhm.”

"Oh so it's italian cuisine? I would love spaghetti by the way."

“I guess. They have a whole other menu just for wines, if you want to choose from that. But yeah. It’s mostly pasta with different kinds of sauces and there’s a cheese assortment that looks really interesting. It even comes with different types of jams so you can try.”

" _ Gli farò un'offerta che non potrà rifiutare _ ." Dave says while wiggling his eyebrows at Sin.

“You speak italian?”

"You like it? Nah unfortunately not. I just know a few things because of Italian movies and all that. That's a line from The Godfather, it means 'I'll make him an offer he can't refuse' or something like that. But back to said offer, we could get wine for tonight don't you think? No need to be an expensive one, just something to harmonize… Tesoro mio" he completes with a smirk, if he didn't have a blindfold on he would totally wink at Sin.

Karkat rolls his eyes, but can’t fight the smile that comes to his face. Dave is having fun and that’s all he could ask for.

“I’m not pretentious enough to try to trick you into believing I get shit about wine. If you even want my true to heart rant about a beverage you should ask me about coffee, and that’s as pretentious as I get, but wine… couldn’t start guessing” he says turning the page “but are you going to get the fungi one or the meat one or the oil and broccoli one… i didn’t even know you could have spaghetti done in so many ways.”

"Oh the wonders of cooking and spices, I don't know maybe the fungi one, sounds unusual but not super weird and we can share it depending on the size of the thing. I'm not super hungry but still can eat a decent amount, and we can always ask about the wine? I think Rose once mentioned that white wine is the best for pasta, especially if it's white sauce… is the fungi with white sauce?"

Karkat keeps looking and looking and looking “Yeah. The fungi is with white sauce” he answered abstentmindledly “Hey, Dave, want to play a game?”

"Oh? What type of game?" and he might be too flirty at the moment but he couldn't care less, teasing Sin and being an idiot around him is fun.

“I don’t get shit about cheese, and I’m betting you don’t get shit about it either, so I say we make a game out of having you try to guess the names of the cheeses. If you get it wrong, I get a point, and you have to tell me something personal about yourself. If you get it right, I’ll tell a physical trait of mine that you ask about. Anything” he says looking away, in a tinier voice “even my dick size.”

Dave sputters a bit at Sin's admission but recovers quickly "Count me in bitch. You are going down, cheese may not be my specialty but like hell I'm losing this."

Karkat orders the pasta, the cheese plate and a white wine he can’t start guessing if it’s good or not.

They bring the orders to the table and as he looks to the types he knows there’s no way in hell Dave will ever know the name of these things. He takes it upon himself to make a proper quiz out of it.

The waiter pours two glasses and gives Karkat a look of  _ nice catch _ before walking away. He just laughs with himself because, yeah, he knows, and fuck he doesn’t deserve how lucky he got.

“You couldn’t know, but there’s a lot of people looking at you. I think some of these fucktards wish they were me, for the night. I almost regret showing you off like this” he comments, readying a fork of pasta for himself. 

"Don't, I love the attention plus I chose to be here with you tonight. Not any of them okay? Also have you ever considered that the opposite might also be happening? You should give yourself more credit." Dave smiles while resting his chin up on his hand, if Sin keeps being so cute and also insecure he will have no choice but to kiss him until the little shit understands he is precious.

Looking Dave support his head in a hand remembers Karkat that he has another. He suspends it and kisses Dave’s knuckles, then he opens his palm and kisses the center, because he wants to kiss Dave all over but the setting is too public for him to start making out with his neck or some other more… sensitive spot.

“Do you want to start the game? They brought the plates already.”

The feeling of Sin's lips on his skin burn him in the most pleasant ways and Dave is itching to rip this fucking thing off his face and just see who makes him shiver and feel hot all over like that.

"Keep kissing me and I'll want more than that very fucking fast Sin" he whispers close to Sin's face but still trying to feel around for the supposed cheese.

Karkat’s hand goes up to cradle Dave’s face. He kisses his nose once. Twice. Then his chin, then the corner of his lips. He’s teasing, but he loves it.

"Fuck Sin you better stop or the main dish will be your dick in my mouth-" Dave groans lowly as he hides his face behind one of his hands while the other pushes Sin away a bit, just so he can fucking breath. Focus. Cheese. Yes that 's right. Cheese. "Feed me the cheese or take me home. I am not bluffing."

Karkat’s smirk is evil and huge. He’s loving to tease Dave in between bites of the food. He can’t wait until he can see his entire body reacting to it and not just his face, but if he were to get up right now he'd have to cover the tent in his pants, so it’s not like he’s one to talk.

“Right. You have three options. This is either goulda, brie or parmesan. Which one is it?” he asks, getting a piece “Open your mouth.”

Dave complies slowly opening his mouth to Sin and gravely humming with a bit of his tongue out.

Shit is food porn a thing Sin digs? Because Dave might be open to suggestions. He knows the sight of him right now is at least pleasing, and he will do all he fucking can to guarantee that tonight's climax will be at his place after they eat.

Seeing Dave open his mouth so wide and with his tongue slightly forward makes Karkat’s dick twitch. He wants to be inside it really bad. He bites his lips, trying to think about anything else. That half-chub already graduated to full-on boner and that is really bad. This a date, idiot. Get your body in check.

He puts the piece inside Dave’s mouth. The correct answer is Brie. Let’s see if Dave knows.

Dave isn't a connoisseur of the ways of cheese but he is pretty sure Brie is the only fucking option here, goulda is fucking strong on the taste side and parmesan is like the only cheese he can afford to buy and eat, so he knows what it tastes like. "This is brie. I'm 100 percent sure." he answers without a doubt.

Karkat is surprised, but he did start easy. Things are bound to get more interesting.

“What feature of mine do you want me to describe?” 

"Tell me about your face, I want a general description, round, pointy… Also can I touch it? I can do it when we're back at my place if it's weird to do in public."

Karkat thinks about it a little before giving an answer.

“It’s rounder, I think, and you were just touching it like, 5 seconds ago, you don’t need a reminder or anything. Ok. Next cheese.”

He gets a piece of blue. It’s basically cheating because it's brie with gorgonzola, and somehow it got its own name.

“Camembert, Gorgonzola or Blue?”

This one is a hard one, all the three have the fucking same texture from what he remembers but it tastes familiar? Camembert is smelly cheese but this one didn't smell so much… maybe "Gorgonzola?" he tries because really… he doesn't know what the fuck Blue tastes like.

“Wrong, motherfucker! It was Blue. You lose” he says, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Something personal he doesn’t already know… “Why did you decide to apply for a job at telesex?”

Dave blushes from the sweet action, who the fuck kisses foreheads like it's no big deal? Jesus the backlash between horny and cute is strong when this is about them. But at the moment he needs to focus on answering Sin's question. 

"Heck… do you want the short version or the big one with the background character package and all that?" he jokes trying to lighten the mood a bit before going into stuff that would probably kill the moment if he didn't sugar coat it a bit. Should he tell it all without any editing? He trusts Sin somehow but fuck if the actual reasons he went to that job in particular weren't like a cold shower.

“Could you even? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be brief about anything in your life, so far. I don’t care which one, cause I like this back and forth, but I don’t even think you could make it brief. I’ll listen either way.”

"Is that a challenge? Because I can totally stop on,  _ I needed the money _ ." he huffs at Sin and gives a pause to see his reaction pointedly raising an eyebrow.

… How come he didn’t see that coming?

“Okay. I’ll take it. Next cheese” because Karkat can’t admit to being beaten at his own game. 

Dave snorts while shaking his head a bit, he can feel Sin's frustration as he changes the subject. But the game is still on and Dave is ready. He gives a small smirk and opens his mouth for Sin again.

Next up is tofu. 

“This is either mozzarella, cottage or tofu.”

The moment he tastes it in his mouth Dave is washed by a nostalgic feeling, he only replies by a confident "Tofu." while nodding as if confirming his own score.

“Tofu is the worst cheese. I dare you to change my mind” he says popping a little mozzarella sphere in his mouth. Maybe if he changes the subject enough, Dave will forget to ask about his appearance. 

"Hey don't say that. I mean… I never considered it cheese… Tofu is tofu, and the thing is, it only tastes bad because you never ate it right. Chinese cooking works very well with it, Japanese too." Do not offend the tofu, it didn't make anything against you. He thinks a bit and starts in a mocking tone "Are you trying to get me off track? You big cheater. I demand justice, spill, what does your skin look like?"

Karkat’s eyebrow rises.

“White. Not like yours. You look like a silkmoth. I’m like… tanned? Sort of. But natural, not that orange shit that people spend a shit fuck ton on to come out like a shrimp decided to fuck a human and the whole affair went sideways.”

He never gave much thought on how he would describe his skin color in all the years of his existence, but he thinks he can describe very well the things he isn’t.

“Last batch, cause after that I would have to mix and match and you’d get a tactical advantage” he gets a piece of swiss cheese “Is this Swiss, Emmentaler or Russian?”

"Shit I have no fucking idea, I never tasted any of those. It's good though… Shoot." Dave admits because at the moment he just wants to eat and enjoy their date, competitions aside. Also he is sort of focused on trying to piece Sin's looks together.

“You admit defeat then?” he asks with an evil smirk in his face.

"I'm just not fancy enough to know any of these three options, you still want me to just guess one? Or use the oh so nice offer I made?"

“You know your offer gives me a question, right? I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, I just want to know if you know what you’re doing. I have a question ready, motherfucker. If you give me the opening I will use it.”

"Did I fucking stutter? Shoot."

“Which one of the menagerie of sex-shop products you’ve been eagerly fed by Katie do you like better? Follow-up question, can I use it on you tonight?” 

Dave is so used to talking about said things with Katie that he doesn't even blush at that suggestion, only trembles in excitement, he brings his left hand to his lips in thought. "I think I have a new remote vibrator that I still need to test. The last one from the same brand was the one I used on the red lights show, I think it would be amazing as long as you still fuck me afterwards."

Karkat moves a bit closer, hooking a finger on Dave’s chin and bringing him closer, so he could whisper in his ear.

“Is that your way of telling me I can give you multiple sequential orgasms or something?”

Dave takes a sharp breath after hearing those words, he can feel his dick twitch with a lot of interest over that proposal. "If you are up to it, you might as well make me not able to walk afterwards. I've waited long enough to have you no?"

“I’d say you can wait longer, but this time I want you to know I’m right there, just within your reach, while you lust after it. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

"Oh it's more of a temptation than fun Sin, you know we can't do anything that I need from you here." he breathes out close to Sin's face, he can feel their noses touching.

“All I know is that we can’t get naked” he says, adjusting to get closer to Dave’s ear “That just makes it that more entertaining to tease you.”

He gives Dave’s ear a little, ghostly lick, just to see if he reacts or not. Karkat also holds Dave’s thigh in his hand, trying to avoid having him jerk away and, simultaneously, feeling and caressing him very close to where he actually wants him.

Dave lets out a small gasp at the sudden feeling of Sin's tongue on him and his hands that tortuously trace his thighs. Fuck. He discretely spreads them apart a bit and leans closer to Sin returning his move by trailing Sin's neck with his slightly open lips. They need to go. Fuck the desert, he will gladly take it's place.

Karkat shakes like a leaf on a storm. He’s so hard his pants are starting to choke his cock. He wants those pretty lips around him so bad he’s afraid his arousal might already be leaking. That would be a little embarrassing seeing as they’re barely kissing each other.

“If you call the uber I’ll go out to pay.”

"Go, I'll need to take these off to use my phone. Don't worry I will put them back after calling it" Dave hurriedly explains, blindly fetching his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meowtwo: Obliviously holding hands is my new kin- I mean addicion  
> The one where Dave is adopted by our girls and I am so proud of them all  
> *wipes proud tears*  
> And he actually takes note of Karkat at the office  
> *wink wonk*
> 
> Buckle up for chapter 6, we will hopefully be able to post it soon if college doesn't kill us both

**Author's Note:**

> Meowtwo: I just want to say that they are dumbasses. In love. But dumb.  
> That's what this fic is about, that and Dave's gay awakening.


End file.
